Tonight marks the opening the 13th Season of "American Idol". 

- Expect plenty of criticism, screaming, and crying... And that will just be Jennifer and her hairdresser in JLo's dressing room. 

*****

The FAA is investigating why a Southwest Airlines Flight landed at the wrong airport in Missouri. 

- So now in addition to paying for seats, snacks and baggage, Southwest will  charge you a "Correct Destination & Runway" fee. 

*****

Federal Authorities are reviewing NJ Governor Chris Christie's use of the relief money his state received after Hurricane Sandy. 

- The Dems are accusing him of using the dough to buy extra orange barrels so he could shut down the George Washington Bridge. 

- They're also questioning his "A Donut for Every Displaced Resident" program. 

*****

The six astronauts on the International Space Station finally got their Christmas presents when a supply ship arrived almost a month late. 

- Boy...we can send a man to the moon but we can't get him his Playstation 4 in time for Christmas. 

- But the fruitcake arrived on time. 

*****

According to a new study, dolphins are able to deliberately get stoned on puffer fish. 

- This explains why Flipper could jump so "high" in the pool! 

****

Speaking of getting high, disgraced Toronto Mayor Rob Ford made a "campaign stop" at a local nightclub, where he posed for pictures with fellow partiers. 

- He did the usual politician stuff... shook hands and kissed topless babes. 

*****

A candidate for the Orlando city council whose been arrested 21 times says she's fit to represent the people because she's walked in their shoes. 

- She did walk in them, but only after stealing them from DSW. 

- How'd Orlando get so lucky? She'd be PERFECT for the Detroit city council! 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

- Dick