During a conversation on MSNBC, presidential historian Lindsay Chervinsky argued that Presidents’ Day is an outdated Holiday that shouldn’t be celebrated.

-Funny… I don’t remember her saying anything about this LAST year when Joe was living in the White House. You don’t think this has anything to do with TRUMP do you?? 🤨

*****

Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum said that Mexico will sue Google if the tech giant does not change the “Gulf of America” label to cover only the portion of the body of water under U.S. jurisdiction.

Not to be a naysayer… but I put the odds of her winning that suit at about Juan and a Million.

******

Meanwhile Canada is demanding that Ukraine being included in Peace talks to end the war with Russia.

-I’m no Foreign Policy expert… but what do they mean by “Demand”? What are they gonna do if we don’t comply? Hit us over the head with a Donut from Tim Horton’s, eh?

*****

President Trump and Elon Musk sat down for a wide ranging interview with Sean Hannity last night… during which Elon joked that he wants to die on Mars but… “Not on impact”.

-I think most of us are feeling that way these days about we just want to land safely in places like the Toronto Airport.

*****

PGA superstar Rory McIlroy was heard telling a fan who criticized his caddy to “shut the f--- up.”

-But he whispered it… and then clapped politely, so it wall all good.

*****

New research reveals a surprisingly simple way to improve mental health and focus: turn off your phone’s internet.

Wait… you can get the internet ON YOUR PHONE??? Wait till I tell my grandkids about this! 😂

*****

Many people struggle to Hike using their legs, but one Chinese man has become famous for climbing his country’s most popular mountains… on his hands.

-Oh sure it sounds impressive… but I heard he came down with a pretty nasty case of Athlete’s Palm.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s President’s Day! The Day we Salute the small, select group of individuals who have sacrificed so much to lead this great country. Oh… And also, Mr. Belvedere. President of Beledere Construction. Because… They Do Good Work!

*****

It’s also “National Cabbage Day”… So if you're a Cabbage Fan… It’s a great day to Toot your own Horn!

*****

Over the weekend, 31 year Social Media Influencer Ashley St. Clair claimed that she had given birth to a child fathered by none other than…. Elon Musk. This makes 13 for the Doge founder.

-Elon say’s he’d used protection, but apparently this was one bullet he wasn’t meant to DOGE…

*****

With tensions over Tariffs rocking international relationships, a hockey match between the US and Canada descended into chaos over the weekend as 3 fights broke out in the first 9 seconds of the game. But when the dust cleared… the US ended up winning the game 3-1.

-Thats 7.64 to 2.54 in Metric 😂 (I actually figured that out… Thank God for calculators!)

*****

The 88 year old Pope is In the Hospital with a respiratory infection.

-The Pope tweeted, “Hats off to my Doctors and Nurses”… and that’s a pretty big hat.

*****

51-year-old Super Model Heidi Klum revealed that, as she continues aging, she has begun to grow hair on her breasts.

As the dedicated, intrepid journalist I am, I’m going to research this story heavily, double check my sources, get a hands on look for myself… and report back. Your welcome.

*****

A new poll shows that liberal women are the most unhappy and lonely group of people in the United States.

-That’s what happens when you only poll the ladies who co-host “The View”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It’s the the “International Day of Self Love”… So if you see CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin… be sure to give him a 👋

*****

An AP reporter was barred from a White House event for refusing to acknowledge the Gulf of America.

The left has no problem with Men identifying as Women… Maybe they could just pretend the “Gulf of Mexico” is IDENTIFYING as the “Gulf of America”??

*****

President Trump signed an executive order ending the Biden Administration’s “procurement and forced use of paper straws.”

-Paper Straws Suck!!! (Actually… they DON’T suck… they DISINTEGRATE!! That’s the problem.)

It’s time to Make Plastic Straws Great Again!!!

*****

A new study published by JAMA Ophthalmology warns about three potentially BLINDING eye conditions caused by Ozempic and similar weight loss drugs. They say that rather than take Ozempic, most people could just diet, exercise, and live a healthier lifestyle to lose weight.

-That story again… Chances are good, Americans are going to go Blind.

*****

“Monty” the Giant Schnauzer was the big winner at Tuesday night’s Westminster Dog Show… taking home the “Best in Show” trophy. The Schnauzer fended off stiff competition from a Bichon Frise, a Skye Terrier and a Shih Tzu.

-I watched but my heart wasn’t in it. Just like this year’s Super Bowl after the Lion’s and my hometown Buffalo Bills gots eliminated, I just didn’t have a Dog in this Fight. 😂

*****

A new study found that too much Botox could be ruining your relationship… Researchers found that a growing number of people are getting too much of the anti-wrinkle injection - leading to a “Frozen Face” that makes it difficult for their significant others to read their emotions.

The techinical name for this is: “Being Cher”.

*****

A seafood company that lost about 27,000 salmon who escaped from a fish farm off the coast of Norway is offering a bounty of about $45 for each “Fugitive Fish” that is caught and returned to the fish farm.

The message is clear: Turn yourself in, Salmon… or you’ll be “Sleeping with the fishes”.

The Salmon thought they could escape… but the Scales of Justice are coming for them.

*****

A Houston dentist led cops on a brief chase Saturday before getting nabbed with more than 100 canisters of nitrous oxide, or laughing gas, stashed inside his car — and admitted he likes inhaling Laughing Gas while driving.

-Something tells me the “Cavity Search” he’s going to experience in jail is different than the one he usually gives his dental patients.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

During a wide-ranging Press Conference in the Oval Office Tuesday, President Trump & Elon Musk - announced that they’ll be taking a look at Government employees who have become Multi-Millionaires on a salary of less than $200,000 a year.

That giant sucking sound your hear is the collective Panic of 435 members of Congress and 100 Senators trying not to throw up?

How long til Elizabeth Warren pretends she doesn’t understand what their saying because she only speaks “Indian”??

*****

Amid the current egg shortage Costco, Kroger and Whole Foods are among the growing list of grocers that are limiting the number of Eggs you can buy…

Unreal. We’ve still got 67 days until Easter… and I’m already Hunting for Eggs.

*****

The Government has dropped its Criminal charges against World Wrestling Foundation’s, Vince McMahon.

-Turns out the Charges were as Fake as the Wrestling.

*****

Denzel Washington says that getting snubbed by the Oscars for his critically acclaimed role in “Gladiator 2”is no big deal.

-On a bright note, with Denzel out of the running… it will be even easier to give the “Best Actor” award to the Woman-Dressed-as-a-Man who really deserves it.

*****

“Real Housewives of New York City” alum Bethenny Frankel almost missed the Super Bowl after she accidentally got locked in a bathroom.

-What was the Kansas City Chiefs excuse?

*****

50 year old Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted wearing a mask while partying in New Orleans before the Super Bowl.

-Fans thought he was worried about COVID, but it turns out he was just playing “Hide and Go Seek” with his 24 year old girlfriend… and it was his turn to “hide”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Tom Brady - one of the commentators on the Super Bowl - wore a $740-thousand-dollar watch to the Big Game.

- Amazing. 3/4 of a MILLION bucks for a watch… and when the clock struck midnight, Gisele Bundchen still went home with another guy.

*****

According to a new survey, 55% of people believe the day after the Super Bowl should be recognized as a national holiday.

The technical name for this group is: People who “celebrated” too much and are too hungover to go to the office.

*****

A new study finds that people with a more positive outlook on life came through the COVID pandemic better than their more negative counterparts.

For example, people who said, “I’m POSITIVE I will never wear a Mask while driving ALONE in my Car” are much happier than people who got 127 booster shots.

*****

Two people miraculously walked away from a small plane crash in south central California… after the aircraft landed upside down.

This reminds me of a story my Dad told - and swore by… He said he once flew on a Continental Flight from Cincinnati to Buffalo… UPSIDE DOWN… for a HALF HOUR.

And you wonder where I came up with the original idea for the put-on calls back in the 60’s!

*****

Emergency responders in Colorado managed to rescue a horse after the back half of its body got stuck in a septic tank.

Oh, Wilbur!

-Well, having your rear end stuck in a giant toilet would certainly explain the “long face”.

*****

Singer Ed Sheeran was stopped from performing in the street in the Indian city of Bengaluru. Police said the singer didn’t have the permit needed to conduct a surprise concert for the crowd that gathered.

-Right now, only 75% of houses in India have a working toilet… but they're worried about Permits for Rock Stars??

Maybe they need to rethink their #1 and #2 priorities?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl Champions after their EPIC takedown of the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LIX, Sunday 40-22. And if you ask me… that score doesn’t really reflect what happened on the field. The Eagles absolutely dominated… making KC - who was going for the first-ever continuous Super Bowl 3-Peat lost and unable to get a hold in the game.

But it’s all good because we got one Heckuva halftime show, huh? Maybe this is a question I should have asked BEFORE the game… but, WHO IS KENDRICK LAMAR??

*****

Of course the REALLY BIG NEWS from the Game last night… Taylor and Travis DIDN’T get engaged last night after his team’s crushing loss to the Eagles. Rumors were swirling that if the Chiefs won their 3rd Super Bowl in a row, Travis was going to get down on one knee and pop the question.

-But after the game… the only thing Travis felt like popping was an Aspirin.

*****

An estimated 22.6 million people across the U.S. planned to call in sick to work today after this year's Super Bowl… that’s up 40% from a year ago.

-NOTE: The only people who called in sick Yesdrerday were members of the Kansas City Defense.

*****

Which reminds me… Today is “National Football Hangover Day”.

-I just had one beer during the game… but I’ll admit when it comes to the Buffalo Chicken Dip, I may have been ”Over-Served”.

*****

The Trump Administration has announced that the Federal Government will no longer mint Pennies… saying it costs more to produce them than their worth.

-I’d love to know your thoughts on this whole Penny thing. If only there were an expression for that… Like, say, “A Penny for your… “. 😂

*****

A dog rode his skateboard through a tunnel made up of 40 people standing with their legs apart to break a Guinness World Record. “Coda”, a cocker spaniel broke the record for the longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog on a skateboard.

The previous record was held by a Skate Boarder Collie.

Ironically, Cocker Spaniel traveled to the Competition by Grey Hound.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Democrats continue to melt down as DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) bulldozed USAID - a non-government agency that has received BILLIONS in taxpayer dollars for a range of questionable expenses including $47,000 for a Transgender Opera in Peru and $20 MILLION for an Iraqi version of “Sesame Street”.

This story brought to you by the letters… “B” and “S”!

*****

Former President Joe Biden has made his first known move to monetize his post-presidency, announcing Monday that he’s been signed by high profile talent agent, Creative Artists Agency. No word yet on what “Creative Services” Joe will provide.

-But you know - as usual - he’s gonna be running circles around who ever’s there while he’s doing it. 😂

*****

18 year old Barron Trump was spotted strolling through New York University’s campus for the first time since his father was inaugurated on January 20th… and he was hard to miss. Barron is now six foot seven inches tall.

-If he gets any taller, he can put a Trump Logo on his forehead and rent himself out as a Skyscraper.

*****

Former Vice President Kamala Harris' husband, Doug Emhoff, landed a private sector job in California just days after leaving Washington, D.C.

That story again… LOCK UP YOUR NANNIES.

*****

“Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” is coming to Hulu this month.

-It’s going to be different that the other “Real Housewives” show… since in Utah, all the ladies are married to the same Husband.

*****

A new report in The Sun highlights an English army veteran who bravely confessed to having a micro-penis - with his member measuring in at just 2.9 inches.

-But he says he remains hopeful for growth… evoking the words of the great Winston Churchill… “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s National Liberace Day! He’s been gone since dying at the age of 67 back 1987… But if he were alive today, he’d be celebrating by blowing out 98 Candelabras!

*****

Ye - aka Kanye West - and his wife were escorted out of Sunday night’s Grammy Awards after they showed up on the Red Carpet… slightly underdressed. Well, Kanye was wearing a suit… but his wife Bianca was literally naked - save a tiny completely sheer “dress”.

-For those of you who didn’t see it… Imagine going to a shoe store, getting one of those little nude-colored footie-stocking things they have in a box for you to wear when your trying on shoes… and wearing THAT with no underwear and a pair of high heels.

*****

According to data analyzed by a higher education expert, “Total student loan debt went up while President Biden was in office, despite all of the student loan forgiveness.”

-Joe… the gift that keeps on taking.

*****

A new study suggests that levels of microplastics - those tiny pieces of plastic we inadvertently ingest through food and other products every day- have made their way to the human brain may be rapidly rising.

This is not to be confused with the MICRO Plastics that Kim Kardashian has surgically implanted in her rear end.

*****

A new study found consuming Turmeric is good post-exercise for muscle recovery.

-And most Americans were like, “Cool… if I ever decide to work out I’ll be sure to give that a try”.

*****

Spirit Airlines recently tightened its dress code policy and is no longer allowing bare feet on flights.

Well you know what they say… “No Shirt, No Shoes… No In-Flight Snack & Beverage Service”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s Feb 3… the the 66th anniversary the 1959 plane crash that took the lives of American rock and roll musicians Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, "The Big Bopper" & pilot J. P. Richardson. It’s become known as “The Day the Music Died”.

-As opposed to November 29, 1974 when Minnie Ripperton released “Loving You”. That’s known as the “Day that the People Who Listen to Music Wanted to Die”.

*****

In a shock interview over the weekend, Ukrainian President Zelensky now says he and his country Never Received $125 BILLION of the $200 BILLION sent to the them by the Biden Administration over the last year and has “no idea” where the money went.

-Really? And he just noticed this NOW??? Funny how he didn’t mention anything when Joe was still in charge.

*****

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on Sunday - Groundhog Day - which means six more weeks of winter.

-Or as we say it in Michigan… “Six More MONTHS of Winter”.

*****

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Phil’s weather prediction is right about 35% of the time.

-Bottom line: He’s not that accurate… but he’s sweet… I believe Sonny Eliot would have called that, “Swaccurate”.

*****

Beyonce won “Album of the Year” for her first Album foray into the Country Genre… “Carter Country”… then immediately after the show… tweeted that she’ll be taking the music on Tour.

-Well she had nothing else to do since the "Diddy Party” was cancelled this year.

*****

Football fans won’t have to shell out a single dime to watch Super Bowl 59 (LIX) Sunday… it’ll be on Tubi for free. For those of you who don’t know, Tubi is an ad-supported streaming service that offers movies and TV shows.

-Not to date myself here… but I remember having the ORIGINAL “Streaming Service” back in the 70’s… The Dy-Dee Diaper Delivery Man!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

No Blog today in honor of the 67 souls lost in the tragic mid-air collision in Washington, D.C. last night when an American Airlines regional jet with 64 passengers and crew on board and a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter with a three-person crew collied near Reagan National Airport just before 9pm. Both aircraft fell into the icy Potomac River… and despite heroic efforts by an army of Rescue and EMS personnel… There were no survivors. 🙏

Keep their families in your thoughts & Prayers.

Hope to see you back here Friday…

-Dick

An update on the story we brought you yesterday on the US Government spending money on Condoms for the Taliban… Now it’s come to light that the Trump Administration was able to stop $50 MILLION earmarked by the Biden Administration to buy Condoms for the men in Gaza.

-Apparently Suicide Vests aren’t the only things exploding over there.

*****

On the eve of his confirmation hearing for head of Health and Human Services Secretary (happening today), RFK Jr.’s cousin Caroline Kennedy released a scathing video takedown of her cousin -who she grew up with - in an attempt to derail his nomination.

-At this point the Kennedy’s make the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s look the Von Trapp Family.

*****

A young Chinese woman has been getting a lot of attention for her ability to act as an android using a special costume, robotic movements, and an expressionless face.

She’s so good… she’s being considered as a replacement for the recently fired Norah O’Donnell as host of CBS Evening News.

*****

Warner Bros. says they’ll finally come out with their film adaptation of the book “Oh, the Places You'll Go” in IMAX on March 17, 2028.

It was supposed to be an adaptation of the Dr. Seuss Classic… but now, they’re just gonna follow Border Czar, Tom Homan around with a Camera and watch him Catch and Deport all the Criminal Migrants back to their home countries.

*****

An Idaho man lathered up his head in shaving cream and used it to catch table tennis balls bounced off a wall to officially break a world record.

-What do you expect from the state best known for its Potatoes?

*****

A new Harvard Study finds that consuming Olive Oil every day could reduce the risk of dementia.

-That story again… Hang on… I’m gonna take a little swig of Olive Oil… Oh yeah… That story again… Consuming Olive Oil every day could reduce the risk of dementia.

*****

Have. great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s International Lego Day! That means if you step on a Lego today… you’re encouraged to cry out in pain in MULITPLE Languages… not just English!!!

*****

A 3.8-magnitude earthquake rocked the Northeast early Monday — shaking buildings and homes along the Atlantic coast. The quake was centered near Maine’s York Harbor but could be felt as far away as Portland and Boston.

-Luckily, Chris Christie says the whole “taking a morning jog thing” was just a one off and won’t be happening again.

*****

Senator Mike Lee is continuing to call for the abolition of the TSA - the Transportation Security Administration.

-Is he crazy? I’m not getting on a plane with a bunch of people who haven’t taken their shoes off.

*****

A new survey finds that an estimated 210 million people suffer from social media addiction. This can result in mood swings, disrupted sleep, neglected responsibilities, desire for validation, and a lack of hobbies.

-I think we used to just call that “Being a Teenager”.

*****

Rumors are swirling that Taylor Swift and boyfriend Travis Kelce may already be engaged after the singer was seen wearing Louis Vuitton gloves while celebrating his teams victory over the Buffalo Bills on Sunday. Insiders thought maybe the Super Bowl Bound Pop Star was using the gloves to hide her hands.

-Considering it was 29 Degrees at Game Time… I’m just gonna go out on a limb and go with a crazier explanation… She was cold!

*****

A new government report by DOGE - found that under the Biden Administration, the US Government spent $10 MILLION on Condoms for Taliban.

Well… at least it wasn’t Viagra.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wedenewday!

-Dick

It’s Thomas Crapper Day! For those of you that don’t know… Thomas Crapper was an English Plumber… who made great improvements to the Toilet - including the Ballcock - that we still use today!

Unfortunately there are no records as to whether he benefited financially from the toilet… so historians don’t know if Crapper was Flush with money when he Died.

But he was known throughout his hometown as a “Stand up Guy”.

*****

New information came to light over the weekend allegedly proving the long standing rumor that Progressive Minnesota Squad Member Ilan Omar actually DID MARRY her BIOLOGICAL BROTHER so he could get a Green Card and stay in the United States.

-Wow. That must have been some Honeymoon.

*****

Bill Gates admitted his split from Melinda Gates after 27 years of marriage will always be the thing he regrets most in his life.

-Although if Trump releases the Epstein list as promised… those 30+ trips Bill made to Epstein’s Island probably won’t be on his “Best Of” List.

*****

The CIA has changed its assessment on the origins of the COVID-19 pandemic, now favoring the theory that the COVID virus somehow leaked out of a lab in China.

-You don’t say?

*****

A 10-year-old Chinese boy reprimanded by his father for not completing his homework took revenge by calling the police and telling them that his father was hiding forbidden drugs.

It was all caught on Camera by Alan Chow Funt Noodles with Chefs Special Sauce!

*****

“Titanic” is coming to Hulu this February…

-Just for clarification… It’s the movie about the Cruise ship and the Iceberg, not the story of Kamala Harris’s Presidential Campaign.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

For the first time in its History… the Academy Awards has nominated a Transgender Woman (Ie: a biological man who now identifies as a woman) for the “Best Actress” Oscar.

-They say only one more survery and he’ll be ready for the “Golden Globes”.

*****

CNN is set to lay off 200 employees today as it continues to lose viewers… In the latest ratings, more people watched SpongeBob SquarePants and the Food Network than CNN.

-Not to name drop, but I went to the same High School as Wolf Blitzer and Patrick Starfish - SpongeBob’s Best Friend! (Okay… I’m just kidding about Patrick… but Wolf and I did go to the same school)

*****

A new survey finds that a whopping 95% of dog owners cite veterinary expenses as their biggest challenge.

-Well that and keeping them from going straight for the companies crotch when they have people over.

*****

A new survey finds that Rhode Island has the worst roads in the nation.

People in Michigan were like… “Oh, really?”.

*****

A stunned mother in Maryland was stuck with a pile of bills after a rare typo led to her being declared dead. She’s alive but got quite the shock when she got a letter from the IRS called her a "Deceased Taxpayer".

-Proving that “You Can’t Take It With You… But If You Try, The IRS Will Come After You and Try to Take it Back”.

*****

On the heels of adding almost 19 MILLION New subscribers… Streaming giant Netflix has announced that subscription prices for its service are increasing again.

-If their prices go up any higher, I’m gonna have to re-do my Estate Plan.

*****

Megyn Kelly compared Amazon's founder Jeff Bezos fiance Lauren Sánchez to a “hooker” after she stepped out wearing a low-cut white pantsuit and lace corset to Donald Trump’s inauguration ceremony.

Gee... if only there was a place where Lauren could have ordered a blouse… say with FREE overnight delivery…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s COLD!

How Cold is it??

It’s so cold… I made a Hot Dog for Dinner last night and by the time I put it on my plate it had turned into an Oscar Meyer ‘Lil Weiner.

*****

Dailymail.com is reporting that Kamala Harris is considering dumping her husband Doug now that they’ve officially left Washington… “Inside sources” say the VEEP blames Doug’s infidelity with the Nanny and rumors that he slapped an ex-girlfriend for her Election loss.

-Sounds like Kamala’s about to Unburden herself by what has been Doug.

*****

The White House has brought back the famous Diet Coke button so that President Trump can order his drink of choice easily from the Oval Office.

-Which is a change from the last Administration which just had a button for “Coke”.

*****

A new study suggests that eating Oatmeal for breakfast could help you live longer.

Question: Does it still count if you enjoy it with a side of Bacon, Sausage & Cheesy Hashbrowns?

*****

A new survey finds that over 80% of people in Japan want to take their leftovers at restaurants home.

-Compare that to 80% of American’s who were like, “Who has leftovers??”

*****

A Taiwanese plastic surgeon has been getting a lot of attention for sharing a video of performing a vasectomy on himself on social media.

-I believe in the business this is known as “The Director’s Cut”.

-NOTE: This surgeon is also known for posting videos of circumcisions. The videos are free… but if you watch, he does ask you to leave a tip.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

At 12:01 pm Monday afternoon, Donald J. Trump became the 47th President of the United States… and promised that America is entering a new Golden Age.

- Speaking of “Golden”… The Biden’s were almost late to the ceremony as they were busy pilfering the last minute Silverware, Monogramed “WH” Robes and Travel-Size Toiletries from the White House Residence.

*****

There was an amazing moment when a tech glitch cut Carrie Underwood’s music just as she was about to start singing “America the Beautiful” during the ceremony…but Carrie handled it like an absolute pro. She asked the crowd to join her - which they did - and she sang it A Capaella… Beautifully.

-There was an awkward moment went Kamala jumped up and tried to hand her a million dollars for performing… before Doug reminder her that the election was over and that she’d lost.

*****

Joe Biden Shocked/Didn’t Shock the World by issuing a blanket pardon to members of his family just 19 minutes before his Presidency ran out yesterday. The Pardons - for his brother Jim, sister Valerie and their spouses were announced while Prez Trump was delivering his address. When asked if Biden had given him a heads up about the Pardons on their share ride over to the Capitol from the White House, Trump said, “Nope”.

Dr. Fauci and the entire January 6th Committee got Pardon’s too.

They say they did “absolutely nothing wrong” BUT will accept the Pardon anyway.

-It’s that kind of like saying… “No. I’m not Pregnant. But I will take those Maternity Clothes”.

NOT RECEIVING PARDONS…

Nancy Pelosi

Jack Smith

Alvin Bragg

Fani Willis

Among others…

*****

First Lady Melania Trump "stunned” (I found out that’s how your supposed to describe it by reading Dailymail.com) at the Inaugural Balls in an elegant Black and White Strapless Gown… Her evening wear complimented her inaugural outfit: (I took this from an article because I can’t write about women’s fashion: “In a departure from 2017’s sky blue cashmere dress and gloves by Ralph Lauren, this time, Melania Trump paired a muted navy silk wool coat with a navy skirt and an ivory silk crepe blouse underneath, all by independent American designer Adam Lippes.”

Bottom Line? I thought she look spectacular.

*****

What would a Trump event be without the Press creating a scandal?? Elon Musk… Put his hand to his heart and then extended it to the crowd at an Inugural Event and said… “My heat goes out to you”… which some on the left are now claiming was a “Nazi salute”. Elon is on the Autistic spectrum. He has Aspergers… I don’t know how many of you are familiar with it. My daughter, Jackie’s son, Charlie has Aspergers. Brilliant, funny… but a little bit awkward. Look for something to be offended about your gonna find it. These people are insane…

*****

The 51 “Spies Who Lie” - the current and former intelligent experts who signed a letter back in 2020 swearing that Hunter Biden’s Laptop had “all the earmark’s of Russian Disinformation” despite knowing it was REAL have been Stripped of their Security Clearances.

Ironically, News of their Security Clearances being withdrawn will be reported by the Mainstream Media as……….. “Russian Disinformation”!!!!!!!!

*****

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank the Lions for an incredible year!!!!

Ah…May…Zing!!! Can’t wait for next season… (But I’ll be honest… I’m not gonna rush Summer when we finally get it!)

Have a great day, stay warm and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

,

In his Farewell Address to the nation last night, President Biden warned that Am”erica is being threatened by an overload of dis and misinformation.

-But luckily… the White House fact-checkers were quick to point out that that’s “Not True”.

*****

Political insiders say that Kamala Harris is planning to write a book before making next political move.

- The tentative title: “How to Blow Through $1.5 BILLION in 3 and 1/2 Months and Still LOSE an Election”.

*****

Jill Biden that - after 50 years of friendship… she’s quote, “disappointed” in former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who played a big role in President Biden dropping out of the 2024 race.

-Well I know one person who’s not getting a Pre-Emptive Pardon in their Joe’s-Going-Away-Goodie Bag.

*****

A new survey finds that Gen Z - those who turn 13 to 28 in 2025, experiences more financial stress than any other age group.

- Well yeah… Do you think it’s easy coming up for the basement and asking your parents for pizza and beer money every week?

*****

A new study reveals that a glass of milk a day keeps colorectal cancer away.

-Not sure how it works… but maybe it’s because Milk helps keep everything MOO-ving??

*****

Southwest Airlines is hitting pause on corporate hiring, promotions, and summer internships to cut costs

-But on a bright note… they’ve decided to keep off their Pilots and Planes!

*****

According to a new survey, one-third of those living with partners described their significant other as “a baby” when sick.

Not me. As long as I’ve got my footie pajamas, Jell-O and coloring books… I’m good to go.

*****

RIP… Bob Uecker… the voice of his hometown Milwaukee Brewers who went on to earn the name “Mr. Baseball” and honors from the MLB Hall of Fame after a short playing career has died. He was 90 years old.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

BREAKING: ISRAEL & HAMAS TENTATIVELY REACH CEASEFIRE DEAL.. HOSTAGES TO BE RETURNED.

Trump had warned if Hostages not released by the time he took office “All Hell would Break Loose”…

DETAILS emerging… Stay tuned…

*****

Tonight at 8pm President Biden will deliver his Farewell Address to the Nation.

-Afterwards, the TV pundits will spend. an hour ananalysing it…. and Joe will go to bed.

*****

The Garbage Truck that Prez Elect Trump famously drove in the days after President Biden called MAGA supporters “Garbage” will be featured in the Inaural parade down Pennsylvania Avenue Monday.

-Followed moments later by the Recycling Truck, because… you know… that’s just how it’s works.

*****

Glenn Close revealed that she hasn’t had a boyfriend since getting divorced back in 2015.

-You think it has something to do with that whole “Boiling the Rabbit” thing she did to Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction?

*****

According to a new survey, nearly half of Americans think people should keep their holiday decorations all year.

-Experts say the technical term for this is: “Lazy”.

*****

Several TV shows that film in Los Angeles - including Jimmy Kimmel Live! - are heading back into production after being put on hold for the fires.

- Boy… The news just keeps getting worse.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Caesarean Section Day… 4 of my 6 girls were born by Caesarean Section. After the third one… I said, “Doctor… Do you think it would be easier if you just put in a zipper?”

****

The Village People have confirmed that they will be performing at multiple Inauguration Events… They’ll perform their hit “YMCA” - one of Trump’s favorites and a staple at many of his rallies.

- And they’ll be able to play “Macho Man” since Pete Buttegeig will no longer be part of the Administration.

*****

Over the weekend, President Biden said that if he had stayed in the race he “would have beaten” Prez Elect Trump in the 2024 election. He then went on to say that Kamala Harris would also have beaten Trump.

-6 more days, people. 6 more days.

*****

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle are being criticized on Social Media for “touring” the disaster zones from the California Fires… but not doing much to help out.

-But Meghan says this is in keeping with her brand. She’s really good at starting fires and running away.

*****

In a new interview, 81-year-old Robert De Niro confirmed that he doesn’t change diapers after admitting that his girlfriend does the “heavy lifting.”

It’s not that his girlfriend doesn’t want him to help it’s just every time she asks, they have to go through the whole, “You talking to me? You talking to me?” thing from Taxi Driver.

*****

A new study finds that men who regularly drink grape juice could significantly lower their odds of erectile dysfunction (ED).

-And just like that, Bill Clinton changed his natioalitoty from “American” to “Welch”.

*****

According to a new survey, one-third of those living with partners described their significant other as “a baby” when sick.

-Not me. As long as I’ve got my footie pajamas, Jell-O and coloring books… I’m good to go.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s National Rubber Ducky Day… So C’mon! Jump in the Bathtub and Get Your Ducks in a Row!!

*****

With just 8 days to go until the Innauguation… the first moving van was spotted outside the White House this morning, signaling that the Bidens are preparing to move out.

-The hardest part is going to be getting Joe’s walk-in tub out of the Oval-Office Bathroom.

*****

A new study out of Washington State University found that Elderberry juice could be a "potent tool" for weight management. The study found that drinking 12 ounces of elderberry juice each day for one week led to positive changes in the gut microbiome.

-Good luck getting young people to try it… Like they're ever going to respect their Elderberry Juice.

*****

The relatives of 5 women killed by “Jack the Ripper” in England back in 1888 are calling for a fresh inquest… after DNA evidence emerged that may finally identify the killer 130 after the infamous murders.

-And if this pans out… there gonna get started on finding out who left the Cocaine in the White House.

*****

A couple in Florida tried a rather unique technique to get away with shoplifting… While the husband was busy filling his cart with hundreds of dollars of merchandise and slipping out of the store, his wife distracted employees by pulling down her pants and “relieving herself” in one of the store aisles. But the manager caught on and called the cops.

-This takes “Clean up in Aisle 5” to a whole new level!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick