,

In his Farewell Address to the nation last night, President Biden warned that Am”erica is being threatened by an overload of dis and misinformation.

-But luckily… the White House fact-checkers were quick to point out that that’s “Not True”.

*****

Political insiders say that Kamala Harris is planning to write a book before making next political move.

- The tentative title: “How to Blow Through $1.5 BILLION in 3 and 1/2 Months and Still LOSE an Election”.

*****

Jill Biden that - after 50 years of friendship… she’s quote, “disappointed” in former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who played a big role in President Biden dropping out of the 2024 race.

-Well I know one person who’s not getting a Pre-Emptive Pardon in their Joe’s-Going-Away-Goodie Bag.

*****

A new survey finds that Gen Z - those who turn 13 to 28 in 2025, experiences more financial stress than any other age group.

- Well yeah… Do you think it’s easy coming up for the basement and asking your parents for pizza and beer money every week?

*****

A new study reveals that a glass of milk a day keeps colorectal cancer away.

-Not sure how it works… but maybe it’s because Milk helps keep everything MOO-ving??

*****

Southwest Airlines is hitting pause on corporate hiring, promotions, and summer internships to cut costs

-But on a bright note… they’ve decided to keep off their Pilots and Planes!

*****

According to a new survey, one-third of those living with partners described their significant other as “a baby” when sick.

Not me. As long as I’ve got my footie pajamas, Jell-O and coloring books… I’m good to go.

*****

RIP… Bob Uecker… the voice of his hometown Milwaukee Brewers who went on to earn the name “Mr. Baseball” and honors from the MLB Hall of Fame after a short playing career has died. He was 90 years old.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

BREAKING: ISRAEL & HAMAS TENTATIVELY REACH CEASEFIRE DEAL.. HOSTAGES TO BE RETURNED.

Trump had warned if Hostages not released by the time he took office “All Hell would Break Loose”…

DETAILS emerging… Stay tuned…

*****

Tonight at 8pm President Biden will deliver his Farewell Address to the Nation.

-Afterwards, the TV pundits will spend. an hour ananalysing it…. and Joe will go to bed.

*****

The Garbage Truck that Prez Elect Trump famously drove in the days after President Biden called MAGA supporters “Garbage” will be featured in the Inaural parade down Pennsylvania Avenue Monday.

-Followed moments later by the Recycling Truck, because… you know… that’s just how it’s works.

*****

Glenn Close revealed that she hasn’t had a boyfriend since getting divorced back in 2015.

-You think it has something to do with that whole “Boiling the Rabbit” thing she did to Michael Douglas in Fatal Attraction?

*****

According to a new survey, nearly half of Americans think people should keep their holiday decorations all year.

-Experts say the technical term for this is: “Lazy”.

*****

Several TV shows that film in Los Angeles - including Jimmy Kimmel Live! - are heading back into production after being put on hold for the fires.

- Boy… The news just keeps getting worse.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Caesarean Section Day… 4 of my 6 girls were born by Caesarean Section. After the third one… I said, “Doctor… Do you think it would be easier if you just put in a zipper?”

****

The Village People have confirmed that they will be performing at multiple Inauguration Events… They’ll perform their hit “YMCA” - one of Trump’s favorites and a staple at many of his rallies.

- And they’ll be able to play “Macho Man” since Pete Buttegeig will no longer be part of the Administration.

*****

Over the weekend, President Biden said that if he had stayed in the race he “would have beaten” Prez Elect Trump in the 2024 election. He then went on to say that Kamala Harris would also have beaten Trump.

-6 more days, people. 6 more days.

*****

Prince Harry & Meghan Markle are being criticized on Social Media for “touring” the disaster zones from the California Fires… but not doing much to help out.

-But Meghan says this is in keeping with her brand. She’s really good at starting fires and running away.

*****

In a new interview, 81-year-old Robert De Niro confirmed that he doesn’t change diapers after admitting that his girlfriend does the “heavy lifting.”

It’s not that his girlfriend doesn’t want him to help it’s just every time she asks, they have to go through the whole, “You talking to me? You talking to me?” thing from Taxi Driver.

*****

A new study finds that men who regularly drink grape juice could significantly lower their odds of erectile dysfunction (ED).

-And just like that, Bill Clinton changed his natioalitoty from “American” to “Welch”.

*****

According to a new survey, one-third of those living with partners described their significant other as “a baby” when sick.

-Not me. As long as I’ve got my footie pajamas, Jell-O and coloring books… I’m good to go.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s National Rubber Ducky Day… So C’mon! Jump in the Bathtub and Get Your Ducks in a Row!!

*****

With just 8 days to go until the Innauguation… the first moving van was spotted outside the White House this morning, signaling that the Bidens are preparing to move out.

-The hardest part is going to be getting Joe’s walk-in tub out of the Oval-Office Bathroom.

*****

A new study out of Washington State University found that Elderberry juice could be a "potent tool" for weight management. The study found that drinking 12 ounces of elderberry juice each day for one week led to positive changes in the gut microbiome.

-Good luck getting young people to try it… Like they're ever going to respect their Elderberry Juice.

*****

The relatives of 5 women killed by “Jack the Ripper” in England back in 1888 are calling for a fresh inquest… after DNA evidence emerged that may finally identify the killer 130 after the infamous murders.

-And if this pans out… there gonna get started on finding out who left the Cocaine in the White House.

*****

A couple in Florida tried a rather unique technique to get away with shoplifting… While the husband was busy filling his cart with hundreds of dollars of merchandise and slipping out of the store, his wife distracted employees by pulling down her pants and “relieving herself” in one of the store aisles. But the manager caught on and called the cops.

-This takes “Clean up in Aisle 5” to a whole new level!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Wildfires continues to burn in and around Los Angeles… Astounding devastation. Still 0% containment of some of the fires as of this writing… 5 Dead… Thousands of Homes/Buildings destroyed…. Hundreds of thousands without power. Questions now about how much could have been prevented or mitigated… Massive Water/Forrest Mismanagement in the state… HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??

Stay tuned…

*****

Jimmy Carter’s Funeral was held at the National Cathedral in Washington D.C. today… and this morning all of America former living Presidents gathered to pay their respects.

- Also in attendance… Joe Biden.

******

66-year-old Madonna was spotted arriving in NYC this week accompanied by 28-year-old boyfriend Akeem Morris amid a blizzard of engagement rumors. Yes… it looks like the “Material Girl” maybe getting ready to take the plunge for the third time.

-Madonna will make a stunning bride. Not as stunning as Dennis Rodman… but still, pretty stunning.

*****

Christmas came about 48 years late for an Illinois man who was performing renovations at his childhood home when he found a present his parents had brought him that had fallen behind a wall in 1978.

-He says he’s going to spend the next week tearing down more walls looking for the Double D batteries his Dad bought that make the toy work.

*****

According to a recent survey, 34% of U.S. homeowners say they’ll never sell their home.

Not because they like it so much… it’s just that with interest rates being so high… there’s not a snowballs chance in hell they can move.

*****

A new study suggests that not only are they incredibly annoying at picnics… but Ants can hold grudges. (True!)

-Uncles… Not so much.

*****

According to a new study, the tiny plastic particles that are shed from clothing, packaging, and other products are winding up in the fish that we eat.

-I miss the good old days when all you had to worry about finding in your fish was bones.

*****

Deputies say a man in West Palm Beach, Florida was arrested after carving initials into a car and turning the knife on the car owner - all while naked - during an attempted Car Jacking on New Year’s Eve.

-Well, it seems everybody has something special spanned when the ball drops.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Monday!

-Dick

Prayers for everyone facing those devastating wildfires in California this morning… The fires, which started in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood near Los Angeles yesterday, are being fueled by Santa Ana winds up to 100 mph. There are reports that there is no water coming out of the fire hydrants… and fire crews can’t get into the air because of of the wind. So far, more than 3000 acres are ablaze… Thousands have been evacuated and as of this writing, the fire is 0% contained… 🙏 Stay tuned…

*****

With less than two weeks left in office, the Biden Administration has instructed the FDA to move forward with a regulatory rule that would effectively BAN cigarettes.

-So you know what they say… Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

- Apparently Joe wants Americans smoking something safer. Like Hunter does.

*****

During a wide ranging Press conference at Mar a Lago yesterday, Prez-Elect Trump caused an International uproar when he said the U.S. needs control of Greenland and Panama for “National Security”.

-The Biden Administration was like… “What’s ‘National Security’”??

*****

A new government study reveals that excessive “Screen Time” significantly impacts student performance.

-But on a bright note… the more time students spend on their phone, the more time the teachers have to scroll through recipes on Instagram. 📱

*****

An Indian stuntman earned a Guinness World Record by stopping 57 electric fans in one minute using his tongue.

-Thus the expression… “Cutting off your tongue to spite your face” No, wait…

*****

On this day in 1998 Unabomber suspect Ted Kaczynski asks to act as his own lawyer.

-Neighbors described Kaczyski as a “Quiet guy… with a short fuse”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

Dick

Yesterday Certification of the Presidential Election went off without a hitch… with Kamala Harris certifying her rival and nemesis, Donald Trump as the Winner.

-There’s hasn’t been a pill that hard to swallow since Bill Cosby was in the news. 💊

*****

More than 1,000 flights were canceled, and hundreds of others were delayed across the U.S. Monday…

- Yes… It was just a typical Monday at Spirit Airlines… and then the Winter storm kicked in. 😂

*****

Shocking footage captured the moment Texas rapper 2 Low nearly shot himself live on the air last week during the middle of podcast when he reached in his pocket and his gun accidentally went off.

-A similar thing happened to me when I was interviewing Coleman Young. A Kuggerrand fell out of his pocket… made such a noise… we all hit the deck.

*****

According to a new survey, nearly 50% of US adults made a New Years Resolution to lose weight in 2025.

-Luckily… it’s already January 7th, and another survey found most Americans give up their New Year’s Resolutions by January 3rd so… EAT UP! 🍔🍕🌭🍿

*****

A new study finds that your body’s atoms may have taken a 400,000-light-year journey through space.

-No wonder I’m so tired all the time. 🥱

*****

At this year’s Golden Globe awards, Demi Moore won a best actress award for her role in “The Substance.” The movie is about a fading celebrity using a black-market drug — a cell replicating substance - that temporarily recreates a better version of herself!

- I KNEW Kathy Lee Gifford was using more than Balance of Nature! She looks too good!

*****

New reports confirm that actor Tom Holland got engaged to singer Zendaya over the holidays.

So a a Big Congrats to them… Whoever they are! 💍

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

🏈 WHAT. A. GAME! 🏈

The Lions delivered an incredible 31-9 Win over the Minnesota Vikings Sunday night… clinching the NFC’s TOP SEED for the NFL Playoffs… We’re 15-2.

Hell is freezing over and I’m lovin’ it! 🧊

*****

This Just In… Embattled Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is resigning as Prime Minister… a shock move that comes after his approval rating has cratered over “Woke” policies and weeks of trolling by President-elect Trump over making Canada the 51st U.S. State.

-Canada is said to be reeling... with all Hockey Sticks and Donuts flying at Half-Mast. 🏒🍩

*****

Today… Kamala Harris will certify Donald Trump as the 47th President of the United States… becoming the first Vice President to oversee the Certification of their own defeat since Al Gore in 2001.

-Can you feel the Joy??

*****

Kim Jong Un has reportedly banned North Koreans from eating Hotdogs.

-But lukewarm Poodles, Shitzus, and Schnauers are still on the approved “Snack Food” list.

*****

Kim has also ordered Jail-time for couples going through divorce.

On the bright side… there’s always the chance they meet somebody nice at the Prison dance! 💃🕺

*****

Amazon Prime has exclusively licensed a documentary film that will give viewers an “unprecedented behind-the-scenes look” at Melania Trump’s life.

- It's a compilation of the video the FBI agents took of her underwear drawer on their cell phones when they raided Mar-a-Lago.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Happy New Year! 🥳

Wishing you a Safe, Happy and Healthy 2025!

(2024 was so exhausting… we deduced to take a couple of extra days off! We’ll see you back here Monday!)

-Dick & Jackie

Just two days to go til Christmas… and the Biden Administration is busy handing out gifts.

This morning the White House announced President Biden has commuted the Death Penalty sentences of 40 Federal Prisoners… including child murderers, cop killers & drug dealers. (No reason given).

-It’s true… It really IS the most Wonderful time of the year. (If you’re on Joe’s “Nice” list).

*****

Didn’t hear too much about the drones over the weekend…

I checked into it. They didn’t go away… Turns out they just had their “Mysterious Drone Operator Christmas Party” Saturday night… and then Sunday, half of them were too hung over to fly.

*****

Two Chinese astronauts spent nine hours outside their space station, barely breaking the spacewalk record set by American astronauts in 2001.

Cai Xuzhe and Song Lingdong hadn’t planned on making the walk… but everybody else on the Space Station was like… “i’m in the mood for Chinese Take-Out”.

*****

Kim Kardashian raised eyebrows yet again with the release of a bizarre “Christmas Video” that features her slinking around the floor in torn, revealing clothes lip syncing to “Santa Baby” while the Virgin Mary and Baby Jesus look on.

-Call me old fashioned, but I miss the wholesome entertainers of old… like Madonna.

*****

Police in Ft. Collins, Colorado are looking for a suspect who reportedly stole a baby Jesus figurine from a nativity scene.


-Not a wise move, man!

*****

And that’s a Wrap! Speaking of wrapping… I’ve got a Nancy Pelosi Chia Pet I’m giving as a stocking stuffer that’s not gonna Wrap itself!

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday… Christmas Eve!

-Dick

A Bombshell article in the Wall Street Journal revealed that Joe Biden was mentally unfit for office basically from Day One… and that aides and staffers rearranged his schedule and actually “scripted” the Presidents meetings with key officials to keep up the charade.

-So you mean he WASN’T running circle around his Press Secretary like she told everybody in the briefing room?

*****

The Teamsters said workers at seven Amazon facilities are now officially on strike.

-The workers want their demands met and delivered to their front porch in two days or less… and if they don’t like them, they can return them to their choice of Whole Foods, Staples, or Kohls… Free of Charge!

*****

According to a new study, “Shake Shack” received the largest number of complaints for being the most overpriced fast food restaurant in America.

-They didn’t lower their prices or anything… but they want you to know they their the ones who got the most complaints.

*****

According to a new study, dangerous bacteria still slips through trendy antimicrobial showerheads.

But that’s nothing compared to what gets voted into Congress.

*****

New York Governor Kathy Hochul announced that hundreds of National Guard members will patrol the New York City subway system this holiday season.

They’re kind of like Christmas Carolers, except they wear Uniforms and carry Guns.

*****

The FBI is warning New Jersey residents not to shoot down drones.

-They’re asking the public to focus on more tradition Holiday activities… like shooting each other.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Monday… Christmas Eve, Eve!

-Dick

Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas urged Congress to allocate more money for the Feds to track the mysterious drones up and down the east coast.

-So Congress immediately put in a called Zelensky in Ukraine to see if he maybe he can send back a few BILLION Biden’s the last month or so.

****

With Christmas just one week from today, lots of us are shopping for our last minute gifts!

In fact after the House suggested the DOJ look charging her for her actions during the J6 investigation yesterday… I heard Liz Cheney is going “Pardon-Shopping” today at the White House!

*****

Singer “Jelly Roll” - who tipped the scales at more than 500 pounds at his heaviest in 2015, says he’s lost a whopping 100 pounds in 2024 and he’s not stopping there. The “Need a Favor” singer says he wants to lose enough weight to be on the cover of Men’s Health magazine.

-Good for him! But if this keeps up he may have to change his hame from “Jelly Roll” to “Protein Bar”.

*****

Former New England Patriot’s Coach Bill Belichick’s decision to take the North Carolina Tar Heels job came as a shock to many around the professional and college football world… but his 24 year old girlfriend Jordon Hudson is said to be “very supportive”.

-Well, duh. This will make it so much easier for her to get to class!

*****

A new study about American’a Christmas habits found that 47% of people would prefer to spend the whole day in their pajamas rather than getting dressed for the day.

Which is all well and good if your family actually WEARS pajamas… but NOT so great if you’ve got a relative who likes a to sleep “In the Buff”….. 🤯

*****

A plumber working at an elementary school in Virginia, found an original “Heathcliff the Cat” lunchbox that had been left behind by a student more than 40 years ago.

He said the lunchbox was rusty… but the Peanut Butter Sandwich that Jimmy’s mom had packed inside was smooth, creamy & delicious!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

During a wide ranging press conference Monday, Prez-Elect Trump said that President Biden and the Federal Government know what’s going on with the Drones in New Jersey and other states but are refusing to be honest with the American People.

And that might be the most honest thing we’ve heard from anyone in Government in the last four years.

*****

Thanks to a new law that just went into effect, Pet Shops across New York are now banned from selling Dogs, Cats, and Rabbits.

But if you go to Time Square, you still have plenty of chances to see people relieving themselves on the sidewalk!

*****

ABC News host George Stephanopoulos ignored the news about his network’s massive $15 MILLION settlement with President-elect Donald Trump on his Sunday show. ABC News had to cough up $15 million bucks thanks to George’s comments.

Trump really cut George down to size. Which really wasn’t that hard considering George is only like 5’ 2” to start out with.

*****

A new survey finds that 78% of U.S. citizens strongly or somewhat support mandatory Nutrition Education in Public Schools.

-How bout we start with putting mandatory Education in Public Schools and go from there??

-When kids think Egyptians built the Food Pyramid… you know somethings gotta give.

*****

Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes is considered “week-to-week” after injuring his right ankle.

Which, Ironically is exactly how Hollywood insiders are describing Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift’s relationship now that the Election is over.

*****

With the 25th just a week away… I wanted to let you in on a little treat to put you and your family in the true Spirit of Christmas! There’s a young lady I’ve told you about before - Lia Lucci. She’s from right here in Metro Detroit, she’s got an incredible voice… and she’s put out a Complimentary Christmas Album featuring 5 of her favorite Christmas songs. “Christmas with Lia” is available for download on all your favorite platforms including Spotify and Apple Music. I’ve met Lia - who is 12 - and heard her perform in person - and trust me - Her voice will help make the season bright!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Lions lost a hard fought game against the Buffalo Bills last night 48-42 at Ford Field. That’s a collective 90 points between two first class teams… and and an impressive showing for the Lions who had many players on the IR list. Once again, a tough one for me… Born and raised in Buffalo. Lifetime in Detroit.

Go….. Both? 🏈🏈

*****

Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas continues to insist that the US Government doesn’t know who or what is responsible for hundreds of mysterious “drone” sightings in New Jersey and other states… but at the same time - says there’s no cause for concern.

Really??

This is the same guy who told us the border was “Secure”, right???

*****

Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi underwent hip replacement surgery Saturday after falling during a congressional delegation trip to Luxembourg.

Unfortunately Nancy may end up spending Christmas in Europe as all the flights back to the States are booked and her Broomstick is in the shop.

*****

Former CNN host Don Lemon blasted Time Magazine as a “joke” after revealing President-elect Donald Trump as their Person of the Year.

I’m sure Jussie Smollett will be “Person of the Year” in 2025, Don. 🍋🤪

*****

A new survey finds many workers leave plenty of vacation days unused each year.

Question: How do you know if it’s a vacation day when you work from home??

Isn’t everyday a vacation day when you’re not wearing pants? 👖

*****

The Idaho man who holds the most concurrent Guinness World Records added another title to his name by donning a Blindfold and performing 41 Pickleball serves in one minute.

-Am I the only one in America who’s never played Pickleball? Is it a real sport? Is sounds like something you play at Family Picnic when you forgot the Frisbee.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Five months after he was nearly assasasinted on the stage in Butler, PA… President Elect Donald Trump has been named Time Magazine’s Person of the Year for 2024.

Not to be outdone…. after the election results, the people over at “Wine Enthusiast” named Kamala Harris, “Taster of the Year”.

*****

Bill Clinton visited the ladies of “The View” yesterday and floated the idea of President Biden giving his wife Hillary a Preemptive Pardon before Joe leaves office - although he was quick to point out that - of course - she hasn’t done anything wrong.

Well of course not!

If - she did - have to serve time someday - Bill says he hopes it’s somewhere “Nice, Low-secuirty - and with absolutely no chance of Conjugal visits”. 😂

*****

Animal rescuers in Virginia were able to a free Large Owl who had become tangled in a bunch of fish netting that had been thrown into a tree.

-Not trying to be difficult here, but if Owls are so “Wise”…. How’d he get himself caught in the netting?

*****

Huge mystery in New Jersey as hundreds of Drones - the size of SUVS - have been taking to the skies everynight for the last month. People are panicking… but Pentagon officials say there’s no evidence the drones are “From a Foreign Adversary” although they admit they have “No idea who is operating them or why”.

- Question: Are we living in a Country or a Cartoon?

*****

Remember that Las Vegas man who was captured on video leaping over a courtroom bench and desk and attacking a judge earlier this year?? Well he was just sentenced to serve at least 26 years behind bars.

-Pay attention kids: If you don’t want the judge to throw the book at you… don’t throw yourself at the judge.

*****

Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow’s became the latest high profile athlete to have his home burglarized. The QB’s house was broken into while Cincinnati was busy taking down the Dallas Cowboys on “Monday Night Football.”

Haven’t seen an athlete robbed like this since… Dennis Rodman lost the Prettiest Wedding Dress Competition to a Woman back the 90’s.

*****

According to a new poll, 52% of grown adults who are going home for the holidays plan to get frisky in their childhood bed.

-And that number goes up significantly if you include people who have partners.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

Luigi Mangione, the suspect in the United Healthcare CEO murder, began shaking when cops approached him at a McDonald’s in Altoona, Pennsylvania.

- Not because he realized he was caught... turns out he'd just ordered a McFlurry and the McDonald's Ice Cream Machine was down again.

*****

Congrats to Taylor Swift who wrapped up her record breaking 2-Year Long “Eras” Concert Tour Sunday night… Taylor performed 152 shows on 5 continents over 2 years… Performed in front of more than 10 MILLION “Swifties” and made more than $2 BILLION.

- Imagine how much she can make if they raise the minimum wage.

*****

Taylor didn’t keep it all for herself… She gave a whopping $197 million in bonuses to the performers and crew on her Concert tour.

And to think I was feeling pretty good about tipping my Barber an extra $5 - you know, cuz it's Christmas!

*****

According to a new study, nearly 33% of adults living in Chicago carried a concealed firearm by age 40.

The official name for them is: “Late Bloomers”.

*****

The Golden Globes nominations are out with the most nods going to the film "Emilia Pérez," The movie - described as a Musical-Drama - tells the story of a Mexican drug lord who quits the biz and undergoes sex-change surgery in order to become a woman.

- Just wait til you see how Annie Gets Rid of Her Gun. 🤪

*****

RIP... George Joseph Kresge Jr., famously known as The Amazing Kreskin, has died. He was 89.

Inspired by the crime-fighting comic book character Mandrake the Magician, Kresge launched his television career in the 1960s and remained popular for decades, making guest appearances on talk shows hosted by everyone from Merv Griffin to Johnny Carson to Jimmy Fallon.

RIP... Nine-time MLB All-Star Rocky Colavito has passed away at the age of 91. No cause of death of given.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Prez Elect Trump used a rather nice pic of him and Jill Biden at the reopening at Notre Dame this weekend for a tongue-in-cheek launch of his new fragrance "Fight! Fight! Fight!” The two gaze at each other in the photo with the line: “A Fragrance Your Enemies Can’t Resist”. ($199 but already SOLD OUT)

-It was a nice change from what Jill’s used to… “Pardon! Pardon! Pardon!… The Scent Your Step-Son Demands” -From the Hunter Biden Collection.

*****

Yesterday, Police in Pennsylvania arrested the alleged shooter of the United Healthcare CEO… 26 year old Luigi Mangione was eating at a McDonalds in Altoona, Pennsylvania was spotted by an eagle-eyed employee who called 911. Although it had been 5 days, Mangione was still wearing the same clothes, had the gun he used in his pocket, and was carrying a copy of his “manifesto”.

-Boy that was quick. Hard to believe in the 80’s we waited an entire summer to find out who shot J.R.

*****

The FBI had been offering a $50,000 reward for information related to the murder of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson.

Of course… to qualify for the reward… first you had to meet your deductible for rewards on other murdered CEOS first.

*****

According to a new study, drinking hot cocoa can wipe away stress better than fatty comfort foods.

-Espcially if you dip a a bacon-double-cheeseburger in it.

*****

Critics of Elon Musk say the co-chair of the newly created Department of Government Efficiency is spending “too much time” with Prez Elect-Trump and that it’s “creepy”.

You’ve heard of “Elf on the Shelf”? Think “Elon on the Celing”.

*****

According to a new survey, 61% of shoppers say the Holiday Season is “Financially Terrifying”.

-If you think December is bad… wait until, “Credit Card Statement January”…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

BREAKING NEWS… MARINE DANIEL PENNY FOUND “NOT GUILTY”…

Only took the Manhattan jury one hour to return Unanimous verdict on lesser charge after the Judge dismissed the Manslaughterr charge on Friday. It was a highly controversial case that many say never should have been brought in the first place. Penny was on a Subway when Jordon Neely - a homeless man - began threatening other passengers (including women and children) saying he didn’t care if he went to prison for the rest of his life. Penny restrained Neely until Police arrived. Neely later died… but there were MANY extenuating circumstances. Jury did not believe Penny’s actions caused Neely’s death and believed Penny was justified in acting in his and others Defense.

Protests outside courthouse…

Also Just In… Police in in PA believe they have arrested the suspect in the shooting of the CEO of United HeathCare Stay tuned…

*****

One of only 4 pair of Ruby Slippers Judy Garland wore while filming The Wizard of Oz sold for $32.5 MILLION at auction over the weekend… making them the most expensive piece of movie Memorabilia in Hollywood history.

-Also… the most expensive shoes at this weekends DSW Pre-Chistmas Shoe-Sale.

*****

Denver has been named as one of three finalist cities to host the 2030 Gay Games.

The other cities in the running: Keister, West Virginia and Bangor, Maine.

*****

According to a new report, 94% of federal employees do not report to work regularly. And the 6% who do… aren’t happy about it.

-If you don’t believe me… Look at the lines at your local Secretary of States office.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It’s National Bathtub Party Day! So grab your Rubber Ducky and Dive In!

*****

Didn’t get much attention… but a major Congressional Report came out this week proving that all the so-called “Conspiracy Theories” about Covid were actually true. Turns out, the Virus most likely come from a lab in China, there’s no evidence masks actually work and the 6’ social distancing rule was literally made up out of thin air.

-But other than that… the whole Pandemic thing was handled strictly by-the-book. 🙄

*****

The Oxford University Press has named “Brain Rot” as the “Word of the Year”for 2024.

In related news… the Oxford University Press has been named “Dumbest Publication of the Year” for not realizing that “Brain Rot” is TWO WORDS.

*****

A growing storm has millions of people from the Upper Midwest to the mid-Atlantic and Northeast preparing for dangerous winds and potential blizzard conditions.

- CNN is calling it “Climate Change”.

I call it… “Winter”.

*****

A new photo from the set of the sequel to “I Know What You Did Last Summer” has been released by Sony Pictures.

-I think what we all want to know is what Diddy did last summer… and who he did it with… and that’s all going to come out when Trump releases the list come January.

*****

A Bulldog named Bruno is back with his family in California after turning up more than 400 miles from home at a shelter in Oregon.

-Turns out he wasn’t lost… Bruno actually moved to Oregon because he couldn’t afford the mortgage on his Doghouse in California anymore.

*****

The LPGA… The Ladies Professional Golf Association - has updated its rules to BAN players who were born Male and have undergone hormone treatments to become female from competing in the Ladies League.

-That’s really gonna Tee some guys off. Or is it ladies? I’m not sure at this point…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!~

-Dick

King Charles is excluding Prince Harry & Meghan Markle from Christmas at Buckingham Palace again this year… as he feels son and daughter-in-law make “too many demands”.

For example, Harry requested that his family members get extra security while in England and Meghan demanded that she be lit up and placed as the Star atop of the Palace Christmas Tree.

*****

According to its post-election analysis report released this week, The US Postal Service handled at least 99.2 ballots during this year’s general election season,

-And you should be receiving those ballots early next week!

*****

A new survey claims that most workers are fine with a simple “thank you” from their boss around the holidays.

-And so…in that spirit , (and in Lieu of the significant Christmas Bonus I’d planned to give her) I’d like to extend a heartfelt “thank you” to my daughter Jackie who works on this blog with me each day. 😂😂😂

*****

An Ohio woman who killed and ate a cat has been sentenced to a year behind bars.

-The local cat community is understandably outraged as that only comes out to 1.3 months for each one of the Cat’s 9 Lives that were taken.

*****

A Japanese bank has come up with a bizarre way of reassuring clients of its commitment – promising to pay with their lives if found guilty of “financial irregularities.”

I can see their slogan now: “The Bank of Japan: If You Don’t Make a Killing… We Will !!!”

*****

Daniel Craig - star of 5 Bond films - says 2008’s “Quantum of Solace” which was largely panned by critics, was an “effing nightmare” with a terrible script.

-Craig says he was “shaken” by the experience but didn’t say anything at the time because he didn’t want to cause a “stir”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick