A big thank you to all of you who donated to the 38th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon on Friday! With your generous donations, we raised $1,229,910 to help the hungry and homeless in metro Detroit. And remember… every single penny stays right here in our community feeding and sheltering the less fortunate 365 days a year!! I can’t thank you enough!!

And now… on to the news!

*****

So much Drama this weekend! The Paparazzi going crazy… Focus on “who was wearing what”… Lots of talk about Ukraine… And that was just the meeting between Trump, Vance and Zelensky in the Oval Office Friday. THEN we got to the Oscars…

*****

Speaking of that…

I’m gonna be honest. I didn’t watch one second of this year’s Academy Awards. Not for any reason really - it’s just that I hadn’t seen any of the nominated films. One of the ones that was up for Best Picture - and lost - was “Emilia Pérez”. It’s a Netflix musical about a Mexican Drug Lord who fulfills his lifelong dream of switching Genders from Man to Woman.

-Hard to believe a good old fashioned American love story like that didn’t take home the prize… but, I guess it just wasn’t their year.

-Despite the award loss… I’m just glad all the other Trans Hispanic Drug Lords out there now know they have a voice!

*****

Giorgio Armani held a pre-Oscars soiree Saturday night ... bringing out many big-name stars.

-Also in attendance… Adam Sandler.

*****

Harrison Ford stepped down as a presenter at the 2025 Oscars after he was diagnosed with shingles.

-He tried explaining that he had a really important event coming up… but the virus was like, “SHINGLES DOESN’T CARE!”

For those of you lucky enough to never have had them… Shingles causes a painful, burning rash that can last for weeks.

-It’s kind of like sleeping with one of the Kardashinas but without the fear of accidental pregnancy.

*****

Egg producers are now being accused of raising prices to Cash-in on Bird-Flu Mania.

- No other way to put it… These people are bad eggs.

-And unfortunately - unlike eggs - they appear to be about a dime a dozen.

*****

According to a new poll, roughly 80% of Americans said they have recently experienced extreme weather.

-The technical name for it here in Michigan is……………….. WINTER.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday… and again… Thanks so much for supporting the 38th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon!! You’re the Best!!

-Dick

Police are investigating the death of Legendary Hollywood actor Gene Hackman after he was found dead in his Santa Fe, New Mexico, home alongside his wife and their dog…

Santa Fe County police discovered the body of the two-time Oscar winner, 95, and 63 year old wife, Betsy Arakawa Wednesday afternoon - in separate rooms. Hackman was found on the floor looking like he’d suffered a “sudden fall” while his wife of 34 years was found in the bathroom with an open prescription bottle and some pills scattered around. One of the couples dogs was found dead 15 feet away in a locked closet. The front door of the home was also unlocked when police arrived.

While Police originally said the deaths were NOT sususpicious… that’s changed… and with no clear sign of a Gas Leak… an investigation is underway. Stay tuned…

*****

Yesterdays highly anticipated and much hyped release of the Epstein Client List turned into a major debacle… With Attorney General Pam Bondi now claiming FBI holdovers from the Biden Administration are REFUSING to hand over thousands of pages of documents and evidence in the case. She gave them until 8am this morning to hand them over.

- Or WHAT? How exactly does one call the Cops on the FBI??

*****

In honor of the 50th Anniversary of It’s Iconic Egg McMuffin… McDonald’s has an exclusive offer: This Sunday, when you use the McDonald’s app on your phone, you can get an Egg McMuffin or a Sausage McMuffin with Egg sandwich for just $1 each.

-I did some research… and on average, eggs are $4.95 a dozen right now. So I figure I can save a bundle on Easter by getting a whole bunch of Egg McMuffins during this special sale, taking them apart… and then just dipping the fried egg patty in the colored dye for our families annual Easter Egg Hunt. Sure it’ll be a little messy without the shell, but sometimes you have to think outside of the box! (Or in this case… the shell)

*****

Governor Gavin Newsom is ordering an investigation into whether Erik and Lyle Menendez - who have been in prison for 35 years - are fit to return to public life.

Gavin had asked for their Mom and Dad to show up as character witnesses… but for some reason they were unavailable.

*****

According to a new survey released by Common Sense Media, 40% of toddlers have their own tablet device - like an iPad - by the time they are 2 years old.

Seriously? Two year olds know how to use the internet? I’m not proud of this… but from what my Mother told me… I was almost two before I was completely Potty Trained.

-Well I guess we all master “Streaming ” at our our pace.

*****

IMPORTANT: Today’s the Day! The 38th Annual Salvation Army Radiothon Benefiting the Bed & Bread Club is happening right now FRIDAY, FEB. 28th!!! You can listen LIVE on 760 WJR AM… and donate by calling 1-833-SAL-HOPE, texting BREAD to 24365 or online at S-A-Metrodetroit.ORG. This VITAL PROGRAM feeds and shelters tens of thousands of men, women and children in Metro Detroit EVERY DAY & EVERY NIGHT of the year!!! And don’t forget… every penny stays RIGHT HERE in our own backyards… helping our friends and neighbors! I’ll be checking in throughout the day… and I hope you will be too! And most importantly… I hope you’ll donate! Thanks so much in advance!

Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here Monday… and throughout the day today on 760 WJR AM!

-Dick

CT scans of 15 skulls from the Viking age (793 - 1066) revealed bad teeth and widespread dental infections.

Well yeah. If you think getting a root canal is bad now, try getting one from “Theodoric of York - Medieval Barber”.

******

National Security Diriector Tulsi Gabbard announced that more than 100 members of the National Intelligence Agency have been fired - and their Security Clearances have been stripped - after it was discovered they had been using a chat room to discuss Sex Fetishes and their Sex Change Operations while at work.

-Wow. All this time I was picturing a building filled with James Bond types… and it’s actually a building filled with guys fantasizing about Bondage.

-I am Shaken… and definitely NOT stirred.

*****

Speaking of James Bond…

A new report says that film fans are calling for “GoldenEye” and “Tomorrow Never Dies” star Pierce Brosnan to return as an aged James Bond.

Pierce is 71 now… So in the new flick instead of a Martini, He’ll have an Ensure that’s “Chilled… not room temperature”.

-And his co-star won’t be so much a “Bond-Girl” as she is a “Visiting Angel”.

*****


State troopers in Indiana ended up jumping out of their police vehicles and running after a horse spotted wandering on a highway median.

-The horse was apprehended without incident after a High STEED Chase.

*****

A Southwest plane and a private jet almost collided at Chicago’s Midway Airport Tuesday morning when the private jet crossed in front of the Southwest plane just as it was about to land causing it to abort and pull up abruptly - avoiding the crash.

-The plane circled around and landed safely with just a few doors having fallen off. Not from the near miss… just because the plane was made by Boeing.

*****

A new report says that Los Angeles Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford wants to be paid $50-million-dollars during the 2025 season.

Well I want Washboard Abs by this afternoon but that doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen.

Just kidding… Go get ‘em, Matt!

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Staff at Yosemite National Park in California claimed cuts by DOGE (the Department of Government Efficiency) meant the “sole employee with the keys and the institutional knowledge needed to unlock the parks restrooms” had been fired… leaving park goers “trapped” inside. To protest the firing, they hung a giant American flag inside down from the mountain.

-If this keeps us they’re going to have to change the name of “Yosemite” to “Yellowstone”.

Serious question: We built the greatest country in the history of the World and they expect us to believe only one guy has the “Institutional knowledge” to unlock the bathroom??

*****

Wisconsin Gov. Tony Evers, a Democrat, is taking major heat for introducing a state budget proposal that changes the word “mother” to “inseminated person” in certain parts of state law.

-Which reminds me of that great line in the song by the Irish Rovers… “If it wasn’t for your father would your “inseminated person” be your “inseminated person”? So remember Dad on “Inseminated Persons” Day.

-How about this: ”Inseminted Person Teresa”. Yeah… That one doesn’t work on a whole lotta different levels.

*****

NBA All-Star Devin Booker is pleading for Hooters not to shut down in wake of the news that the iconic restaurant chain may be heading for bankruptcy.

- Not surprising that a basketball player would be intrigued by round, bouncy objects I guess.

*****

A new survey finds that the average couple argues about money 58 times a year.

-But Elon and the guys at DOGE are saving us all so much money… they’re gonna bring that number down significantly. 👍🏻

*****

A Canadian woman vacationing in Turks & Caicos had both her hands bitten off as she was trying to take pose for a selfie with a Shark.

-If you think that’s bad… you should have seen the look I got when I tried to take a pic with my Dad’s second wife one time before she’d finished putting on her make-up.

*****

An Australian couple said their Dream trip to Italy got off to a rocky start when a woman died onboard their 14- hour flight from Melbourne to Venice. To make matters worse… the Flight attendants decided to “prop up” the woman’s corspe in the empty seat in their row for the rest of the flight.

-On a bright note… they said she “wasn’t much of a talker” and she didn’t put up a fight for the armrest.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

P.S. Don’t forget… the 38th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon is coming up THIS FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 28th! You can listen LIVE on 760 WJR AM starting at 6am… and donate by calling 833-Sal-HOPE, texting BREAD to 24365 or online at S-A-MetroDetroit.Org! Every penny goes to feed and shelter men, women and children right here in the Metro-Detorit area - 365 days a year!!! This program is near and dear to my heart… and your support means the world to me. Thank you!!

It’s “National Twin Peaks Day”… The day fans of the Wildly popular TV show set aside to celebrate the day FBI Agent Dale Cooper first arrived in the fictional town of Twin Peaks. And the day the rest of us Salute the great Dolly Parton!

*****

Speaking of “Twin Peaks”…

Restaurant chain Hooters is preparing to file for bankruptcy after dozens of its establishments closed over the past year.

That story again… Hooters is going BUST.

*****

A new report shows that shark attacks on humans dropped substantially last year around the world.

-Now that RFK Jr. has been sworn is as the Health Secretary… the Sharks are all switching to something healthier - like pomegranate seeds.

*****

An American Airlines flight from JFK airport to Delhi had to divert to Rome — and landed under fighter jet escort — after a bomb threat was discovered on board the plane.

Luckily, the bomb threat turned out to be a fake… but passengers said like with the a lot of flights these days, the landing was “touch and go”.

*****

Firefighters in Madrid came to the rescue of a goat that somehow ended up stranded on a ledge of the fifth floor of an apartment building.

🎶 High on a ledge was a lonely goat…

Layee odl, layee odl layee-oo.

*****

McFarlane Toy brand is releasing a new action figure based on Michael Keaton’s “Batman”. Which is cool but not exactly topical since Keaton played Batman 35 years ago.

-Which is why this Batman Action Figure comes with his own “Walk-In Bathtub” and a Batmobile that’s left hand blinker is aways on.

*****

Jessica Simpson announced that she's making new music “without drinking.”

-Interesting. The only way I listen to some of the stuff that passes for “music” these days is by having a few cocktails, myself.

*****

RIP…. Roberta Flack, the Grammy-winning singer and pianist who scored big hits in the 70’s with songs like “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” and “Killing Me Softly” died this morning after a long battle with Lou Gehrig’s disease. She was 88.

*****

HEADS UP: The 38th Annual Salvation Army Radiothon Benefiting the Bed & Bread Club is THIS FRIDAY, FEB. 28th!!! You can listen LIVE on 760 WJR AM starting at 6am… and donate by calling 1-833-SAL-HOPE, texting BREAD to 24365 or online at S-A-Metrodetroit.ORG. This VITAL PROGRAM feeds and shelters tens of thousands of men, women and children in Metro Detroit EVERY DAY & EVERY NIGHT of the year!!! And every penny stays right here in our own backyards… helping our friends and neighbors! As usual, I - along with my family - will be part of big event on Friday… I hope you will be too! And most importantly… I hope you’ll donate! Thanks in advance!!!!

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

During a conversation on MSNBC, presidential historian Lindsay Chervinsky argued that Presidents’ Day is an outdated Holiday that shouldn’t be celebrated.

-Funny… I don’t remember her saying anything about this LAST year when Joe was living in the White House. You don’t think this has anything to do with TRUMP do you?? 🤨

*****

Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum said that Mexico will sue Google if the tech giant does not change the “Gulf of America” label to cover only the portion of the body of water under U.S. jurisdiction.

Not to be a naysayer… but I put the odds of her winning that suit at about Juan and a Million.

******

Meanwhile Canada is demanding that Ukraine being included in Peace talks to end the war with Russia.

-I’m no Foreign Policy expert… but what do they mean by “Demand”? What are they gonna do if we don’t comply? Hit us over the head with a Donut from Tim Horton’s, eh?

*****

President Trump and Elon Musk sat down for a wide ranging interview with Sean Hannity last night… during which Elon joked that he wants to die on Mars but… “Not on impact”.

-I think most of us are feeling that way these days about we just want to land safely in places like the Toronto Airport.

*****

PGA superstar Rory McIlroy was heard telling a fan who criticized his caddy to “shut the f--- up.”

-But he whispered it… and then clapped politely, so it wall all good.

*****

New research reveals a surprisingly simple way to improve mental health and focus: turn off your phone’s internet.

Wait… you can get the internet ON YOUR PHONE??? Wait till I tell my grandkids about this! 😂

*****

Many people struggle to Hike using their legs, but one Chinese man has become famous for climbing his country’s most popular mountains… on his hands.

-Oh sure it sounds impressive… but I heard he came down with a pretty nasty case of Athlete’s Palm.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s President’s Day! The Day we Salute the small, select group of individuals who have sacrificed so much to lead this great country. Oh… And also, Mr. Belvedere. President of Beledere Construction. Because… They Do Good Work!

*****

It’s also “National Cabbage Day”… So if you're a Cabbage Fan… It’s a great day to Toot your own Horn!

*****

Over the weekend, 31 year Social Media Influencer Ashley St. Clair claimed that she had given birth to a child fathered by none other than…. Elon Musk. This makes 13 for the Doge founder.

-Elon say’s he’d used protection, but apparently this was one bullet he wasn’t meant to DOGE…

*****

With tensions over Tariffs rocking international relationships, a hockey match between the US and Canada descended into chaos over the weekend as 3 fights broke out in the first 9 seconds of the game. But when the dust cleared… the US ended up winning the game 3-1.

-Thats 7.64 to 2.54 in Metric 😂 (I actually figured that out… Thank God for calculators!)

*****

The 88 year old Pope is In the Hospital with a respiratory infection.

-The Pope tweeted, “Hats off to my Doctors and Nurses”… and that’s a pretty big hat.

*****

51-year-old Super Model Heidi Klum revealed that, as she continues aging, she has begun to grow hair on her breasts.

As the dedicated, intrepid journalist I am, I’m going to research this story heavily, double check my sources, get a hands on look for myself… and report back. Your welcome.

*****

A new poll shows that liberal women are the most unhappy and lonely group of people in the United States.

-That’s what happens when you only poll the ladies who co-host “The View”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

It’s the the “International Day of Self Love”… So if you see CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin… be sure to give him a 👋

*****

An AP reporter was barred from a White House event for refusing to acknowledge the Gulf of America.

The left has no problem with Men identifying as Women… Maybe they could just pretend the “Gulf of Mexico” is IDENTIFYING as the “Gulf of America”??

*****

President Trump signed an executive order ending the Biden Administration’s “procurement and forced use of paper straws.”

-Paper Straws Suck!!! (Actually… they DON’T suck… they DISINTEGRATE!! That’s the problem.)

It’s time to Make Plastic Straws Great Again!!!

*****

A new study published by JAMA Ophthalmology warns about three potentially BLINDING eye conditions caused by Ozempic and similar weight loss drugs. They say that rather than take Ozempic, most people could just diet, exercise, and live a healthier lifestyle to lose weight.

-That story again… Chances are good, Americans are going to go Blind.

*****

“Monty” the Giant Schnauzer was the big winner at Tuesday night’s Westminster Dog Show… taking home the “Best in Show” trophy. The Schnauzer fended off stiff competition from a Bichon Frise, a Skye Terrier and a Shih Tzu.

-I watched but my heart wasn’t in it. Just like this year’s Super Bowl after the Lion’s and my hometown Buffalo Bills gots eliminated, I just didn’t have a Dog in this Fight. 😂

*****

A new study found that too much Botox could be ruining your relationship… Researchers found that a growing number of people are getting too much of the anti-wrinkle injection - leading to a “Frozen Face” that makes it difficult for their significant others to read their emotions.

The techinical name for this is: “Being Cher”.

*****

A seafood company that lost about 27,000 salmon who escaped from a fish farm off the coast of Norway is offering a bounty of about $45 for each “Fugitive Fish” that is caught and returned to the fish farm.

The message is clear: Turn yourself in, Salmon… or you’ll be “Sleeping with the fishes”.

The Salmon thought they could escape… but the Scales of Justice are coming for them.

*****

A Houston dentist led cops on a brief chase Saturday before getting nabbed with more than 100 canisters of nitrous oxide, or laughing gas, stashed inside his car — and admitted he likes inhaling Laughing Gas while driving.

-Something tells me the “Cavity Search” he’s going to experience in jail is different than the one he usually gives his dental patients.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

During a wide-ranging Press Conference in the Oval Office Tuesday, President Trump & Elon Musk - announced that they’ll be taking a look at Government employees who have become Multi-Millionaires on a salary of less than $200,000 a year.

That giant sucking sound your hear is the collective Panic of 435 members of Congress and 100 Senators trying not to throw up?

How long til Elizabeth Warren pretends she doesn’t understand what their saying because she only speaks “Indian”??

*****

Amid the current egg shortage Costco, Kroger and Whole Foods are among the growing list of grocers that are limiting the number of Eggs you can buy…

Unreal. We’ve still got 67 days until Easter… and I’m already Hunting for Eggs.

*****

The Government has dropped its Criminal charges against World Wrestling Foundation’s, Vince McMahon.

-Turns out the Charges were as Fake as the Wrestling.

*****

Denzel Washington says that getting snubbed by the Oscars for his critically acclaimed role in “Gladiator 2”is no big deal.

-On a bright note, with Denzel out of the running… it will be even easier to give the “Best Actor” award to the Woman-Dressed-as-a-Man who really deserves it.

*****

“Real Housewives of New York City” alum Bethenny Frankel almost missed the Super Bowl after she accidentally got locked in a bathroom.

-What was the Kansas City Chiefs excuse?

*****

50 year old Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted wearing a mask while partying in New Orleans before the Super Bowl.

-Fans thought he was worried about COVID, but it turns out he was just playing “Hide and Go Seek” with his 24 year old girlfriend… and it was his turn to “hide”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

Tom Brady - one of the commentators on the Super Bowl - wore a $740-thousand-dollar watch to the Big Game.

- Amazing. 3/4 of a MILLION bucks for a watch… and when the clock struck midnight, Gisele Bundchen still went home with another guy.

*****

According to a new survey, 55% of people believe the day after the Super Bowl should be recognized as a national holiday.

The technical name for this group is: People who “celebrated” too much and are too hungover to go to the office.

*****

A new study finds that people with a more positive outlook on life came through the COVID pandemic better than their more negative counterparts.

For example, people who said, “I’m POSITIVE I will never wear a Mask while driving ALONE in my Car” are much happier than people who got 127 booster shots.

*****

Two people miraculously walked away from a small plane crash in south central California… after the aircraft landed upside down.

This reminds me of a story my Dad told - and swore by… He said he once flew on a Continental Flight from Cincinnati to Buffalo… UPSIDE DOWN… for a HALF HOUR.

And you wonder where I came up with the original idea for the put-on calls back in the 60’s!

*****

Emergency responders in Colorado managed to rescue a horse after the back half of its body got stuck in a septic tank.

Oh, Wilbur!

-Well, having your rear end stuck in a giant toilet would certainly explain the “long face”.

*****

Singer Ed Sheeran was stopped from performing in the street in the Indian city of Bengaluru. Police said the singer didn’t have the permit needed to conduct a surprise concert for the crowd that gathered.

-Right now, only 75% of houses in India have a working toilet… but they're worried about Permits for Rock Stars??

Maybe they need to rethink their #1 and #2 priorities?

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl Champions after their EPIC takedown of the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LIX, Sunday 40-22. And if you ask me… that score doesn’t really reflect what happened on the field. The Eagles absolutely dominated… making KC - who was going for the first-ever continuous Super Bowl 3-Peat lost and unable to get a hold in the game.

But it’s all good because we got one Heckuva halftime show, huh? Maybe this is a question I should have asked BEFORE the game… but, WHO IS KENDRICK LAMAR??

*****

Of course the REALLY BIG NEWS from the Game last night… Taylor and Travis DIDN’T get engaged last night after his team’s crushing loss to the Eagles. Rumors were swirling that if the Chiefs won their 3rd Super Bowl in a row, Travis was going to get down on one knee and pop the question.

-But after the game… the only thing Travis felt like popping was an Aspirin.

*****

An estimated 22.6 million people across the U.S. planned to call in sick to work today after this year's Super Bowl… that’s up 40% from a year ago.

-NOTE: The only people who called in sick Yesdrerday were members of the Kansas City Defense.

*****

Which reminds me… Today is “National Football Hangover Day”.

-I just had one beer during the game… but I’ll admit when it comes to the Buffalo Chicken Dip, I may have been ”Over-Served”.

*****

The Trump Administration has announced that the Federal Government will no longer mint Pennies… saying it costs more to produce them than their worth.

-I’d love to know your thoughts on this whole Penny thing. If only there were an expression for that… Like, say, “A Penny for your… “. 😂

*****

A dog rode his skateboard through a tunnel made up of 40 people standing with their legs apart to break a Guinness World Record. “Coda”, a cocker spaniel broke the record for the longest human tunnel traveled through by a dog on a skateboard.

The previous record was held by a Skate Boarder Collie.

Ironically, Cocker Spaniel traveled to the Competition by Grey Hound.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

Democrats continue to melt down as DOGE (Department of Government Efficiency) bulldozed USAID - a non-government agency that has received BILLIONS in taxpayer dollars for a range of questionable expenses including $47,000 for a Transgender Opera in Peru and $20 MILLION for an Iraqi version of “Sesame Street”.

This story brought to you by the letters… “B” and “S”!

*****

Former President Joe Biden has made his first known move to monetize his post-presidency, announcing Monday that he’s been signed by high profile talent agent, Creative Artists Agency. No word yet on what “Creative Services” Joe will provide.

-But you know - as usual - he’s gonna be running circles around who ever’s there while he’s doing it. 😂

*****

18 year old Barron Trump was spotted strolling through New York University’s campus for the first time since his father was inaugurated on January 20th… and he was hard to miss. Barron is now six foot seven inches tall.

-If he gets any taller, he can put a Trump Logo on his forehead and rent himself out as a Skyscraper.

*****

Former Vice President Kamala Harris' husband, Doug Emhoff, landed a private sector job in California just days after leaving Washington, D.C.

That story again… LOCK UP YOUR NANNIES.

*****

“Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” is coming to Hulu this month.

-It’s going to be different that the other “Real Housewives” show… since in Utah, all the ladies are married to the same Husband.

*****

A new report in The Sun highlights an English army veteran who bravely confessed to having a micro-penis - with his member measuring in at just 2.9 inches.

-But he says he remains hopeful for growth… evoking the words of the great Winston Churchill… “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s National Liberace Day! He’s been gone since dying at the age of 67 back 1987… But if he were alive today, he’d be celebrating by blowing out 98 Candelabras!

*****

Ye - aka Kanye West - and his wife were escorted out of Sunday night’s Grammy Awards after they showed up on the Red Carpet… slightly underdressed. Well, Kanye was wearing a suit… but his wife Bianca was literally naked - save a tiny completely sheer “dress”.

-For those of you who didn’t see it… Imagine going to a shoe store, getting one of those little nude-colored footie-stocking things they have in a box for you to wear when your trying on shoes… and wearing THAT with no underwear and a pair of high heels.

*****

According to data analyzed by a higher education expert, “Total student loan debt went up while President Biden was in office, despite all of the student loan forgiveness.”

-Joe… the gift that keeps on taking.

*****

A new study suggests that levels of microplastics - those tiny pieces of plastic we inadvertently ingest through food and other products every day- have made their way to the human brain may be rapidly rising.

This is not to be confused with the MICRO Plastics that Kim Kardashian has surgically implanted in her rear end.

*****

A new study found consuming Turmeric is good post-exercise for muscle recovery.

-And most Americans were like, “Cool… if I ever decide to work out I’ll be sure to give that a try”.

*****

Spirit Airlines recently tightened its dress code policy and is no longer allowing bare feet on flights.

Well you know what they say… “No Shirt, No Shoes… No In-Flight Snack & Beverage Service”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

It’s Feb 3… the the 66th anniversary the 1959 plane crash that took the lives of American rock and roll musicians Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, "The Big Bopper" & pilot J. P. Richardson. It’s become known as “The Day the Music Died”.

-As opposed to November 29, 1974 when Minnie Ripperton released “Loving You”. That’s known as the “Day that the People Who Listen to Music Wanted to Die”.

*****

In a shock interview over the weekend, Ukrainian President Zelensky now says he and his country Never Received $125 BILLION of the $200 BILLION sent to the them by the Biden Administration over the last year and has “no idea” where the money went.

-Really? And he just noticed this NOW??? Funny how he didn’t mention anything when Joe was still in charge.

*****

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on Sunday - Groundhog Day - which means six more weeks of winter.

-Or as we say it in Michigan… “Six More MONTHS of Winter”.

*****

According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Phil’s weather prediction is right about 35% of the time.

-Bottom line: He’s not that accurate… but he’s sweet… I believe Sonny Eliot would have called that, “Swaccurate”.

*****

Beyonce won “Album of the Year” for her first Album foray into the Country Genre… “Carter Country”… then immediately after the show… tweeted that she’ll be taking the music on Tour.

-Well she had nothing else to do since the "Diddy Party” was cancelled this year.

*****

Football fans won’t have to shell out a single dime to watch Super Bowl 59 (LIX) Sunday… it’ll be on Tubi for free. For those of you who don’t know, Tubi is an ad-supported streaming service that offers movies and TV shows.

-Not to date myself here… but I remember having the ORIGINAL “Streaming Service” back in the 70’s… The Dy-Dee Diaper Delivery Man!

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

No Blog today in honor of the 67 souls lost in the tragic mid-air collision in Washington, D.C. last night when an American Airlines regional jet with 64 passengers and crew on board and a U.S. Army Black Hawk helicopter with a three-person crew collied near Reagan National Airport just before 9pm. Both aircraft fell into the icy Potomac River… and despite heroic efforts by an army of Rescue and EMS personnel… There were no survivors. 🙏

Keep their families in your thoughts & Prayers.

Hope to see you back here Friday…

-Dick

An update on the story we brought you yesterday on the US Government spending money on Condoms for the Taliban… Now it’s come to light that the Trump Administration was able to stop $50 MILLION earmarked by the Biden Administration to buy Condoms for the men in Gaza.

-Apparently Suicide Vests aren’t the only things exploding over there.

*****

On the eve of his confirmation hearing for head of Health and Human Services Secretary (happening today), RFK Jr.’s cousin Caroline Kennedy released a scathing video takedown of her cousin -who she grew up with - in an attempt to derail his nomination.

-At this point the Kennedy’s make the Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s look the Von Trapp Family.

*****

A young Chinese woman has been getting a lot of attention for her ability to act as an android using a special costume, robotic movements, and an expressionless face.

She’s so good… she’s being considered as a replacement for the recently fired Norah O’Donnell as host of CBS Evening News.

*****

Warner Bros. says they’ll finally come out with their film adaptation of the book “Oh, the Places You'll Go” in IMAX on March 17, 2028.

It was supposed to be an adaptation of the Dr. Seuss Classic… but now, they’re just gonna follow Border Czar, Tom Homan around with a Camera and watch him Catch and Deport all the Criminal Migrants back to their home countries.

*****

An Idaho man lathered up his head in shaving cream and used it to catch table tennis balls bounced off a wall to officially break a world record.

-What do you expect from the state best known for its Potatoes?

*****

A new Harvard Study finds that consuming Olive Oil every day could reduce the risk of dementia.

-That story again… Hang on… I’m gonna take a little swig of Olive Oil… Oh yeah… That story again… Consuming Olive Oil every day could reduce the risk of dementia.

*****

Have. great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick

It’s International Lego Day! That means if you step on a Lego today… you’re encouraged to cry out in pain in MULITPLE Languages… not just English!!!

*****

A 3.8-magnitude earthquake rocked the Northeast early Monday — shaking buildings and homes along the Atlantic coast. The quake was centered near Maine’s York Harbor but could be felt as far away as Portland and Boston.

-Luckily, Chris Christie says the whole “taking a morning jog thing” was just a one off and won’t be happening again.

*****

Senator Mike Lee is continuing to call for the abolition of the TSA - the Transportation Security Administration.

-Is he crazy? I’m not getting on a plane with a bunch of people who haven’t taken their shoes off.

*****

A new survey finds that an estimated 210 million people suffer from social media addiction. This can result in mood swings, disrupted sleep, neglected responsibilities, desire for validation, and a lack of hobbies.

-I think we used to just call that “Being a Teenager”.

*****

Rumors are swirling that Taylor Swift and boyfriend Travis Kelce may already be engaged after the singer was seen wearing Louis Vuitton gloves while celebrating his teams victory over the Buffalo Bills on Sunday. Insiders thought maybe the Super Bowl Bound Pop Star was using the gloves to hide her hands.

-Considering it was 29 Degrees at Game Time… I’m just gonna go out on a limb and go with a crazier explanation… She was cold!

*****

A new government report by DOGE - found that under the Biden Administration, the US Government spent $10 MILLION on Condoms for Taliban.

Well… at least it wasn’t Viagra.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wedenewday!

-Dick

It’s Thomas Crapper Day! For those of you that don’t know… Thomas Crapper was an English Plumber… who made great improvements to the Toilet - including the Ballcock - that we still use today!

Unfortunately there are no records as to whether he benefited financially from the toilet… so historians don’t know if Crapper was Flush with money when he Died.

But he was known throughout his hometown as a “Stand up Guy”.

*****

New information came to light over the weekend allegedly proving the long standing rumor that Progressive Minnesota Squad Member Ilan Omar actually DID MARRY her BIOLOGICAL BROTHER so he could get a Green Card and stay in the United States.

-Wow. That must have been some Honeymoon.

*****

Bill Gates admitted his split from Melinda Gates after 27 years of marriage will always be the thing he regrets most in his life.

-Although if Trump releases the Epstein list as promised… those 30+ trips Bill made to Epstein’s Island probably won’t be on his “Best Of” List.

*****

The CIA has changed its assessment on the origins of the COVID-19 pandemic, now favoring the theory that the COVID virus somehow leaked out of a lab in China.

-You don’t say?

*****

A 10-year-old Chinese boy reprimanded by his father for not completing his homework took revenge by calling the police and telling them that his father was hiding forbidden drugs.

It was all caught on Camera by Alan Chow Funt Noodles with Chefs Special Sauce!

*****

“Titanic” is coming to Hulu this February…

-Just for clarification… It’s the movie about the Cruise ship and the Iceberg, not the story of Kamala Harris’s Presidential Campaign.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick

For the first time in its History… the Academy Awards has nominated a Transgender Woman (Ie: a biological man who now identifies as a woman) for the “Best Actress” Oscar.

-They say only one more survery and he’ll be ready for the “Golden Globes”.

*****

CNN is set to lay off 200 employees today as it continues to lose viewers… In the latest ratings, more people watched SpongeBob SquarePants and the Food Network than CNN.

-Not to name drop, but I went to the same High School as Wolf Blitzer and Patrick Starfish - SpongeBob’s Best Friend! (Okay… I’m just kidding about Patrick… but Wolf and I did go to the same school)

*****

A new survey finds that a whopping 95% of dog owners cite veterinary expenses as their biggest challenge.

-Well that and keeping them from going straight for the companies crotch when they have people over.

*****

A new survey finds that Rhode Island has the worst roads in the nation.

People in Michigan were like… “Oh, really?”.

*****

A stunned mother in Maryland was stuck with a pile of bills after a rare typo led to her being declared dead. She’s alive but got quite the shock when she got a letter from the IRS called her a "Deceased Taxpayer".

-Proving that “You Can’t Take It With You… But If You Try, The IRS Will Come After You and Try to Take it Back”.

*****

On the heels of adding almost 19 MILLION New subscribers… Streaming giant Netflix has announced that subscription prices for its service are increasing again.

-If their prices go up any higher, I’m gonna have to re-do my Estate Plan.

*****

Megyn Kelly compared Amazon's founder Jeff Bezos fiance Lauren Sánchez to a “hooker” after she stepped out wearing a low-cut white pantsuit and lace corset to Donald Trump’s inauguration ceremony.

Gee... if only there was a place where Lauren could have ordered a blouse… say with FREE overnight delivery…

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick

It’s COLD!

How Cold is it??

It’s so cold… I made a Hot Dog for Dinner last night and by the time I put it on my plate it had turned into an Oscar Meyer ‘Lil Weiner.

*****

Dailymail.com is reporting that Kamala Harris is considering dumping her husband Doug now that they’ve officially left Washington… “Inside sources” say the VEEP blames Doug’s infidelity with the Nanny and rumors that he slapped an ex-girlfriend for her Election loss.

-Sounds like Kamala’s about to Unburden herself by what has been Doug.

*****

The White House has brought back the famous Diet Coke button so that President Trump can order his drink of choice easily from the Oval Office.

-Which is a change from the last Administration which just had a button for “Coke”.

*****

A new study suggests that eating Oatmeal for breakfast could help you live longer.

Question: Does it still count if you enjoy it with a side of Bacon, Sausage & Cheesy Hashbrowns?

*****

A new survey finds that over 80% of people in Japan want to take their leftovers at restaurants home.

-Compare that to 80% of American’s who were like, “Who has leftovers??”

*****

A Taiwanese plastic surgeon has been getting a lot of attention for sharing a video of performing a vasectomy on himself on social media.

-I believe in the business this is known as “The Director’s Cut”.

-NOTE: This surgeon is also known for posting videos of circumcisions. The videos are free… but if you watch, he does ask you to leave a tip.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick