Kim Kardashian FINALLY became Mrs. Kanye West in a ceremony in Florence, Italy over the weekend.
- Luckily, they had a nanny to watch their 11 month old daughter North West while they consummated the marriage.
- Instead of "Til Death Do Us Part" Kanye vowed to stay with Kim "Until Yo Butt No Longer Looks Fat In Those Jeans".
- There hasn't been this much hype over nothing since Geraldo Rivera did a live broadcast of the opening of Al Capone's Vault.
- They're already registered at "Bed, Bath & Divorce".
*****
Tennessee lawmakers voted to bring back the electric chair.
- Death row inmates were said to be shocked by the news.
*****
A judge in Iran has ordered Facebook creator and CEO Mark Zuckerberg to appear in court on charges that "Instagram" violates Iranian people's privacy.
- He's got a point...I think pictures of your relatives being executed by the Iranian government for no reason should stay in the Family Photo Album where they belong.
*****
Detroit's own Jeralean Talley celebrated her 115th Birthday Monday. She's the oldest living woman in America and credits her longevity to God.
- And the loaded handgun she keeps under her pillow at night.
- She spent the day reminiscing about the time she and her childhood girlfriend threw spitballs at President McKinley.
*****
A Japanese company claims that eating their new cookies will make a woman's breasts bigger.
- The cookies are sold under several different names: "Ore-Ohs!", "Not-So-Little-Debbie's" and "Lorna Doozies".
*****
Scientists in the U.K. say that herring fish communicate by passing gas.
- Making female herring the only "women" on the planet who DON'T wish their husbands would spend more time talking to them.
- This disproves the common expression "Whoever 'Smelt' it, dealt it."
*****
Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick