It's Official...Kris Jenner has filed for divorce from Bruce Jenner.
- She's says he's "not the man she married"...at this point, she's not even sure if he's a man.
- Insiders say the couple has a "Toxic Relationship"...wait...Don't they mean a "Bo-Toxic Relationship"?
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The National Counterterrorism Center confirmed that home-grown militants have sneaked back into America.
- They were going to used doctored passports and disguises, but decided to just walk in from Mexico instead.
- Luckily, the front door to the White House is now locked.
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Whoopi Goldberg was named the Grand Marshall of New York's upcoming Halloween Parade.
- In a related story...due to her recent weight loss, this year Rosie O'Donnell will not be attending the Parade as a Float.
- You don't really need a Parade in NYC to see a lot of people dressed up in scary outfits. Just walk through Times Square during lunch hour.
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Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg's new San Francisco neighbors claim his construction people are hogging all of the parking spaces on their block.
- To make it up to them, he gave everyone a free life on "Candy Crush Saga".
- Wow...usually you have to actually meet your new neighbors before they "Unfriend" you.
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Bill Clinton says he's expecting to become a grandfather any day now.
- In unrelated news...Chelsea's about to have her baby!
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Charlie Sheen is in talks to return to "Two And A Half Men" for it's final season.
- You know what that means...Extra tips for the Hookers.
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President Obama has taken a lot of heat for saluting two Marines with a cup of coffee in his right hand while getting off the Presidential helicopter.
- Ever since, he's been getting another kind of salute from people all over the country.
- If you think he's in trouble now, imagine what Michelle would have done to him if it had been a Big Gulp full of Regular Coke.
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Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick