NBC sources say that Brian Williams wanted to replace David Letterman when Dave retires from the Late Show, and even contacted Letterman himself, but CBS turned him down.
- Or as Brian claims, He was "SHOT down".
- CBS went with someone America can take seriously. Stephen Colbert.
*****
Time Magazine named a 25-year-old Swedish gamer as the most influential person on the Internet. His YouTube channel, which shows him playing video games, has 35 million followers.
- So...there are 35 million people who are too lazy to play video games themselves!!! We are in trouble people. Big trouble!!!
*****
Bill Cosby released a bizarre promotional video in which he talks for ten seconds while wearing pajamas and then the screen goes blank.
- It's basically like being on a date with him.
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Bruce Jenner says he will continue to date women until his sex-reassignment surgery this summer.
- This is great news for all you ladies who like a man who wears lipstick and is about to have his manhood cut off.
*****
With sales continuing to fall, McDonald's announced they will try to attract younger, heath conscious customers by adding Kale to their menu.
- Michelle Obama is said to be "Lovin' It".
- So next time you go to the drive thru, don't be surprised if the teen behind the window says "You want kale with that?"
- They're even renaming the "Fillet 'O Fish"... "McKale's Navy".
*****
A Trio of teenage burglars thought they hit the jackpot when they robbed a Missouri home of cash, jewelry, and what they thought was a box of cocaine. Turns out the box actually contained the home owner's father's ashes.
- They realized their mistake after they snorted Grandpa and didn't even get a buzz.
*****
Two California women were arrested after carving their names into the Roman Colosseum and posting a selfie of the event.
- You can see the pic on Insta-Idiots.
- Hmmmm... They like destroying ancient treasures and bragging about it on social media... These two are PERFECT for ISIS!
*****
The U.S. Anti-Doping Agency is looking into collusion allegations against Lance Armstrong.
- You can read all the details on his Lance's website LiveWrong.com.
*****
Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick