Kim Jong Un is at it again... He ordered the North Korean Defense Minister killed with an anti-aircraft missile. Why? Because the man fell asleep while Kim was speaking at a meeting.
- He picked up this idea from the Radio business, where when you fall asleep during company meetings, they threaten to Fire you - but not Fire AT you. Kim just took it a step further.
*****
President Obama announced that his Presidential Library will be located in the South Side of Chicago.
- "But if you go down there, you better just beware, of a man named LeRoy Brown".
- The Library is expected to attract thousands of visitors...but still not as many as the "Adult Section" of the Bill Clinton Presidential Library in Arkansas.
*****
Starbucks announced that they're going to be selling mini Frappuccinos between now and July 6th.
- It's perfect for people who want to cut down on Caffeine but still spend a ridiculous amount of money.
- Is it just me or does "Mini Frappuccino" sound like a short, Italian rapper?
*****
Lindsay Lohan failed to show up at a Brooklyn Children's Center where she was scheduled to fufill her community service.
- So now the little kids are going to have to figure out how to spike their juice boxes all by themselves.
*****
Google has admitted that four of their computerized "self-driving" cars have crashed in the past 9 months.
- Thus breaking the previous record held by Billy Joel.
*****
Kanye West received an honorary PhD from the Art Institute of Chicago.
- His wife Kim Kardashian was so proud saying "OMG! Now we have a Doctor in the house in case there are any...like...medical emergencies!"
*****
A study by the New York Post says the average lifespan of a New Yorker increased to 81 years while Michael Bloomberg was the Mayor of NYC.
- Hey...If you can make it to 81 there, you can make it to 81 anywhere!
*****
A 33 year old Oklahoma man pleaded guilty to killing his step-father by giving him an "Atomic Wedgie" during a family fight. He pulled the man's underwear up so high, the waistband went around his neck and suffocated him.
- I'm sure he'll be enjoying a few atomic wedgies of his own when the guys in prison find out what he's in for.
*****
Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick