Often shirtless, macho man Vladimir Putin, was photographed laying flat on his butt after falling on the ice during a gala Hockey game in Russia. 

- Putin immediately blamed the fall on America, had the photographer shot, and banished the ice rink to Siberia. 

*****

Budweiser has temporarily renamed their beer "America" and will sell the patriotic brew through the election in November. 

- Their slogan: "Making Beer Bellys Great Again". 

******

Bernie Sanders beat Hillary Clinton big time in the West Virginia primary bringing his state wins to 19 to her 23. 

- It seems like Bernie can win everything...except the nomination. 

*****

Donald Trump says that if he wins the Presidency, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie will lead his transition team. 

- Christie says working for Trump has always been on his Bucket List... Of course it's a Bucket that he bought for lunch yesterday at KFC. 

*****

The University of Washington is conducting the largest study ever on how dogs age. 

- Results are expected to be released next year, or in 2022 in dog years. 

- Another study found that the dogs most likely to get botox or a facelift are Shar pei's.  

***** 

According to an interview, Madonna ran into Anthony Weiner at an event several years ago and after talking to him for a few minutes turned to her assistant and said, "Who the BLANK is this?". 

- Anthony is the first  Weiner in history that Madonna didn't recognize. 

*****

Nudists in Canada are trying to figure out how to get Millennials to join the nudist lifestyle, claiming that everyone who joins is "old". 

- It's not that Millennials don't get naked...it's just that they do it at a place called "College". 

*****

A new dating app called MapleMatch.com is designed to find partners for Americans who want to move to Canada if Trump wins the election. 

- "MapleMatch" is a lot more catchy than it's rival app eSaskatchewan.com. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday!

-Dick