Barbra Streisand says that Donald Trump's Presidency has caused her to gain weight. 

- Barry Gibb says Barbra still looks "great" and has "Nothing to Feel Guilty Of". 

- Her manager says it's gotten so bad, even her husband James Brolin is now calling "Babs", "Flabs". 

- Look for her new singles "You Don't Bring Me Power Bars Anymore".

*****

Richard Simmon's publicist says that a new Podcast Series which claims Simmons is being held hostage by his female housekeeper is a "Load of crap" and that Richard has chosen to leave the public eye. 

- The last celeb to be captivated by a housekeeper was Arnold Swarzenegger, but unlike "The Terminator", I don't see Richard ending up with a "Love Child". 

*****

President Trump unveiled his new travel ban on Monday, and it no longer includes Iraq. 

- George W. Bush and Dick Cheney immediately re-booked their "Looking For Weapons Of Mass Destruction" Getaway to Baghdad. 

*****

The TSA announced that their pat downs are going to get more invasive after a study found that weapons were slipping past security. 

- If their pat downs get anymore invasive, agents are going to have to start sending passengers flowers the morning after their flights. 

*****

Meanwhile a Russian model claims she was recently detained at LAX airport in L.A. because they thought she was a spy. 

- Turns out her boobs were so big, they wanted to charge her for overweight carry-on baggage.

*****

The Defense Department is investigating a report that several Marines created a secret Facebook page to share photos of naked female Marines. 

- The DoD stumbled on the pics when they found a page called "Not All Of Us Are Looking For a Few Good Men". 

- Some are claiming this is "Fake News", but the truth is... You Can't Handle The Truth! 

*****

A Neilsen survey found that Donald Trump's joint address to Congress beat the Oscars in the ratings, 44 million to 33 million. 

- But the Oscars had a way more exciting ending. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick