Nancy Pelosi told reporters that she was “Prayerful” and “Heartbroken” to move forward with the impeachment inquiry into President Trump.

- I hope Nancy’s wearing flame retardant underwear… cuz I think her pants are on fire.

*****

Pregnant women in Minnesota are flocking to a local restaurant for a taste of “The Labor Burger” which features an angus beef patty, bacon, peach caramelized onions, and spicy mustard - which they say sends women into labor.

- And the new Taco Bell Toasted Cheddar Black Bean Chalupa will send you into the Bathroom.

*****

According to a study published in “Current Biology”, too much exercise leads people to make bad decisions.

- In a related story, a new book claims John Lennon ran a marathon right before proposing to Yoko.

*****

Oprah told her viewers that she wants Disney CEO Bob Iger to run for president.

- Why not? We’ve already got two of the Seven Dwarves running: “Sleepy” Joe Biden and “Tweety” Donald Trump.

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A survey by the Wall Street Journal found that a growing number of Americans are getting stoned before they go to the gym.

- They’re easy to spot… They’re the ones eating a bag of Doritos on the Treadmill.

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A 20 year old woman - who became a vegan two years ago - claimed a Bakery served her a sandwich containing sausage which she says “poisoned her body” and left her “traumatized for life”.

- You want to be traumatized for life??? Try taking a bite of my Uncle Mark’s famous “Pickled Pigs Feet Meatballs”.

*****

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick