Musical Shock-akhstan In Kazakhstan...

Officials in Kazakhstan were shocked when everyone stood at attention for the playing of the Kazakh national anthem at the open ceremony of the Healthy Ski Tracks 2012 ski festival, and Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ La Vida Loca” started playing. After a few seconds, it stopped and was replaced by the actual Kazakh national anthem. 

- Which is also a snappy tune but not nearly as easy to dance to. 

This story brings to mind a scene from the movie Borat, where he is visiting this country and is invited to a rodeo. While there, he decides to sing his country’s (Kazakstan) national anthem…

More Proof That Christmas Is The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year!!!

Valentine’s Day might be the day for love, but people get more sex on Christmas. A study of CDC birth records found that more babies are conceived in December than in February. No one is sure why, but experts speculate that over Christmas, couples have more time-off to spend together. Plus, Christmas tends to make people think about kids. The eggnog and mistletoe may play a part as well. 

- So apparently those “Ten Lords” aren’t the only guys “leaping” during the holidays. 

- They should have just asked Santa… He keeps a list of everyone who’s been naughty. 

- And sex makes makes the perfect gift…  As they say, good things come in small packages! 

Tim Te-Bows Out Of "The Bachelor"?

The host of “The Bachelor” revealed that execs have asked Tim Tebow to be the show’s next bachelor, but knowing his strong belief in Jesus and his tendency to keep his romantic life private, producers expect him to decline.

- I don’t know… maybe he’ll decide with a coin toss.

- If they want to see a lot of “Illegal Use Of Hands” they should go for an NBA player.

Today's Almanac

On this day in 1836, 3,000 Mexicans under command of General Santa Anna overran the vastly outnumbered Texans defending the Alamo. 

- The guys over at Avis and Hertz fared much better.  

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick

Russian's Not So "Lenin-Glad" Over Alleged Putin Victory!

Vladimir Putin has been re-elected President of Russia receiving, according to him, 63% of the vote despite facing four challengers. Huge protests have sprung up around the country amid reports of widespread voter fraud. But the former head of the KGB-turned Prez Putin said, “I promised we would win… and we did!” 

- And to the protestors he said, “I promise if you keep demonstrating I’ll kill you… and I will!”

- In order to gain support, he’s promised to release a CD listing all of his accomplishments called, “The Best of Putin and Putin’s People”. 

- President Obama immediately appointed an “Election Czar” to investigate.  

Milk: It Doesn't Always Do A Body Good...

A Hawaiian mom says TSA agents at the Lihue Airport refused to believe that her breast pump was real, because the bottles she packed for the plane were empty.  She claims they made her go into the women’s bathroom, stand in front of the sinks and mirrors in full view, and fill up the bottles.  The TSA apologized for “any inconvenience or embarrrassment this incident may have caused her”. 

- Hey… at least they didn’t make her do it the men’s bathroom! 

- The TSA Agents will now be wearing t-shirts reading: “Got Milk? Prove it.”

- The woman’s husband, who identified her only as “Elsie”, said she’s always been a “glass is half full kind of girl.”

- Let’s face it… with what they get paid, TSA Agents aren’t exactly the cream of the crop. 

Man Accidentally Decides To "Stick Close To Home"...

Last week, fire officials in Florida were called by a man who’d been working on top of his house and got stuck there when he accidentally nail-gunned his hand to the roof.  Rescuers didn’t want to risk pulling out the nail, so they used his hand held power saw to cut around it and took him to the hospital with a piece of the roof still nailed to his hand.  

- He gives new meaning to a “do-it-yourselfer.”

- Home Depot has changed their slogan to: “Apparently You Can’t Do It… We Can Help”. 

- Hey… at least he was smart enough not to use the power saw to cut his hand off. 

- And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I always let my wife do our home repairs.  

Lindsay Lohan: Does Not Being Funny Count As Community Service?

Lindsay Lohan’s comeback as host of “Saturday Night Live” earned big ratings but bad reviews. There was a lot of sniping on Facebook and Twitter about her not being funny and obviously reading off cue cards and still blowing her lines. 

- If there’s one thing we know Lindsay’s good at, it’s blowing her lines! 

- To her credit, there’s been a lot of sniping about SNL not being funny for the last 20 years.  

- The most amazing thing about her appearance on Saturday Night Live was that she’s still actully ALIVE! 

Today's Almanac

Speaking of SNL… on this day in 1982, John Belushi was found dead. Also on this day in 1963, Patsy Cline’s plane crashed, and on this same day in 1770 the Boston Massacre took place. 

- So relatively speaking, if you’re reading this, you have to admit your day is going pretty darn well! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick

Podcast #32: IQ's, Big Boobs, A Freshly Shaved Upper Lip and Baby Brayden Turns the Podcast Into a Poopcast!

UPDATE: As you listen to my lastest podcast, described and posted below, take a minute to look at some new pix that were sent to me by a listener that attented the Radiothon back on Feb. 24 - back when I still had my mustache! And now… on with the show!

******

Our good friend Tom DeLisle joins us at the table today as we cover everything from my freshly shaved upper lip (as we mentioned here yesterday, I deep-sixed my trademark mustache after 40 years to help raise money for the Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon) to my personal run-in with the great Walter Matthau’s ear hair. Plus, would you give up IQ points for bigger boobs? (I’m directing that question at the Ladies - and possibly Chaz Bono). The results of a new survey may surprise you!  We address the current rumors that George Clooney may be gay. And to get things rolling… my 6 week old Grandson Brayden stops by. Brought a real smile to my face - until my wife pointed out that it was just gas.  Have a great day and enjoy! 

Purtan Podcast #32

-Dick 

Back Behind The Mic…

Purtan Trades 'Stache For Cash!!!!!

As they say, “Hair Today… Gone Tomorrow!” I did it! I just shaved off my mustache - yes - the furry friend that has gone everywhere with me since 1970.  It all started last Friday at the 25th Annual Salvation Army Bed & Bread Club Radiothon.  WJR’s Frank Beckmann mentioned that if we raised a significant amount of money in a short amount of time, maybe I’d shave off my trademark mustache. Everyone laughed. Hell, I laughed. I mean who would donate big bucks to see me shave, right? Oops.  

Flash forward to later in the evening. Frank mentioned it again as the Radiothon wore on and suddenly I heard myself saying that I would donate $50,000 if Radiothon listeners could match that amount donations in just 30 minutes.  Well guess what?  They did.  And so this morning, I headed out to the Salvation Army’s Harbor Lights Headquarters at I-96 and Martin Luther King Blvd, stood outside the “Dick & Gail Purtan Salvation Army Bed & Bread” truck, and amid a flurry of paparazzi, it was time for “Lights, Camera, Razor!” 

Enjoy the pix (there are more to come- along with some video of the “event”)! What do you think? I’m not sure if I look any younger, as some have said, but knowing we raised $100,000 (which will feed 833 men, women and children EVERYDAY FOR THE NEXT 365 DAYS!) makes it more than worth it!

Before

After

Mitt Wins Mitten-Shaped Peninsula!

Mitt Romney won the Michigan Primary Tuesday over Rick Santorum by 44-37%.  What might have hurt Santorum the most was his robocalling Democrats to vote for him in the open Republican primary, a practice he once denounced. It was the same thing Michael Moore was promoting which really turned Republicans off.  

- Especially when the call was sponsored by Barbra Streisand advertising her new CD.  

Government Not-So-Gaga Over GAO!

One year ago, in a report on governmnent waste, the Government Accounting Office listed 81 areas where the Feds duplicate their own efforts or fail to collect revenue they’re owed.  Yesterday the GAO reported that little or nothing has been done about any of them.  

- So now Congress is considering cutting out the GAO. 

Extra! Extra! Red All About It!

For years scientists have known that men find women in red clothing to be more attractive. Now a University of Rochester study may have discovered why.  Men where asked to look at 25 photos of models and rank how interested in sex they appeared to be on a scale of 1 to 9. It was actually the same woman, digitally manipulated to obscure her face and change the colors of her clothes. They found that when the same woman was wearing red, men thought she was signaling she wanted sex. It made no difference what she was wearing, sexy dress or just tee-shirt; if it was red, men thought she was horny.  The scientists say it tells women why they may be getting sexual attention they don’t want.  

- Studies also show that if women wear an outfit that’s both red and white, it confuses the boys into thinking you’re an “easy” nurse.  

Advice for A Broad... Abroad.

Canada’s Foreign Affairs Department put out a safety guide for women traveling abroad alone. They suggest that women wear a real or fake wedding ring and carry a photo of their husbands, or imaginary husbands. Also wear dark glasses in public to avoid eye contact.  And they even suggest wearing a head scarf or hat if you’re are a blond woman in a country of mostly dark haired women. The guide said these tips help stave off unwanted male attention. 

- Good advice before you take you next vacation to Pakistan!

- A lot of married women are travelig alone because they found a picture of their husband with his girlfriend on Facebook.  

- And remember… no matter what… Don’t wear anything red!

Woman Turn's Gas Pains Into Class Action Lawsuit...

A Detroit woman has sued Ally Financial for repossessing her 2008 Pontiac without returning the 1/2 tank of gas that was in it. With gas nearing $4 a gallon, she’s made it a class action suit on behalf on everyone who’s car was repossessed with gas still in the tank.  She’s suing for $5 million. 

- Just in case this ever happens to you, keep a personalized photo of Geoffrey Fieger in the glove compartment. 

Today's Almanac (Every Four Years)

Today is Leap Day… 

… So go tell someone to take a flying leap! 

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick 

Even Democrats Have A Lot In-"Vested" in GOP Primary...

Today the Republicans hold primaries in Michigan and Arizona. Final polls show Romney and Santorum are virtually tied.  Michigan democratic strategist Joe DiSano has been robocalling Democrats and claims he’s gotten 12,000 of them to agree to go to the open GOP primaries, claim to be Republicans, and vote for Santorum. It sounds like a really dirty trick, except that Santorum is also making robocalls urging Democrats to do the same thing. 

- You’ll be able to spot a democrat today… they’ll all be wearing sweater vests.  

Attention Men: She May Ask You To Take A Flying Leap Tomrorrow!

Tomorrow is “Leap Day” - February 29th - the day when women are traditionally allowed to propose to men. The Beefeater Cafe in London is making it easier.  They say that since the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, they’re offering a “Leap Day Special” featuring a 7 ounce rump steak with the words “Will You Marry Me?” inside a heart, branded on it.  

- Call me crazy, but knowing men, you ladies might be more successful if you write “Will You Marry Me?” on your rump.  

- BTW… on the day after Leap Day, guys, I wouldn’t advise you to write “Will You Marry Me?” on your rump.

If You Thought Lapdances Were Hot... Try Laptops!

Dermatologists in Minnepolis have identified a new condition called “Toasted Skin Syndrome”.  It’s caused by sitting on heated car seats that can reach 105 degrees F. if it’s left on long enough.  It’s not hot enough to burn skin so most people don’t realize they’re being cooked.  But it does dry out the skin and cause a rash, and a possible permanent tint to the skin.  The same thing can be caused on the front side by hot laptops.  

- Al Gore said “See I told you so! It’s all part of Global Warming!”

- This is why I gave up sitting on my computer.