An Akron, Ohio woman is panhandling by the side of the road to raise money for breast implants.
- She’s gotten so many donations she says her “cups already runneth over”.
- This happens all the time in Silicone Valley.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un was promoted to the military’s top rank.
- It’s good to be the boss!
On this day in 1957 Don Bowden became the first U.S. runner to break the four minute mile.
- He attributed his success to being in good shape and the fact that the cops were chasing him for shoplifting at the time.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with an all-new Podcast!
-Dick
The President and Michelle Obama were on the “kiss cam” at an Olympic tune-up basketball game Monday.
- Apparently, he’s still trying to lock-in Michelle’s vote.
- It reminds me of Bill Clinton’s political strategy of “shaking hands and kissing babes”.
Because of financial cuts, NASA astronauts hitched a ride to the space station with the Russians.
- They were actually headed for Saturn, but the Russians weren’t going that far.
- The astronauts floated in space for three hours with their thumbs out before somebody finally stopped to pick them up.
Facebook is now doing wedding announcements.
- It’s a great way to let all of your fake friends know you’re getting married to someone who looks nothing like their profile picture.
- If the marriage doesn’t work out, you don’t get divorced, you just hit the new “unmarry” button.
The Octomom, Nadya Suleman, finally made her debut at a Florida strip club, but she only danced topless, not bottomless.
- But after breast-feeding all those kids, her top sags all the way down to her bottom anyway.
Charlie Sheen says he is “genuinely interested” in being a judge on American Idol.
- And most of America is “genuinely interested” in Charlie Sheen just going away.
The world’s heaviest woman said she lost nearly 100 pounds by making love seven times a day.
- Her husband, who’s in the hospital suffering from weight loss and extreme exhaustion, says his wife is a “real looker” now!
- And to think she used to think of “The Big O” as a box of Oreo Cookies.
For the first time in the history of IQ testing, psychologists have found that females are smarter than males.
- They could have saved a lot of money on research by just asking their wives!
On this day in 1936 the first Oscar Mayer Wienermobile rolled out of a body shop in Chicago.
- To celebrate, the local 7-Eleven threw a hot dog on the roller… and that hot dog is still going around today.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday! And don’t forget to check out Podcast #50 with Tom Ryan joining us at the dining room table! Find it on the homepage or iTunes now!
-Dick
Charlie Sheen nearly ruined my weekend by shutting down his Twitter account, but now comes word that he was quite the Tweeter in his day. Bree Olson, his former porn star girlfriend told the press that Charlie used to “tweet” while they were having sex.
- Bree added that he really wasn’t all that good of a “multi-tasker”.
- He would have posted it on facebook but his “laptop” was already taken.
During a speech in Virginia, President Obama told people that were getting sick from the heat, to seek attention from paralegals. He meant to say “paramedics”.
- Why not cut out the middleman and go straight to the ambulance chasers?
- Somebody’s been spending too much time with Joe Biden!
President Obama made a major announcement on Monday. When asked by a bunch of Girl Scouts which of their famous cookies is his favorite he chose “Thin Mints”. He said Samoa’s were his second favorite.
-Donald Trump immediately demanded to see his Samoan Birth Certificate.
Fiat is making a car that has an on-board espresso maker.
- And you thought putting mascara on while driving was distracting.
- It’s getting great ratings from “Caffeine and Driver” Magazine.
- If you pour the espresso in your tank, it will actually give your car a jump start.
The Penn State Board of Trustees is meeting to decide what to do with a statue of former coach Joe Paterno.
- They’ve already agreed to shut the statue’s eyes.
- The sculpture is actually very realistic… it doesn’t talk either.
Stephen Covey, author of the best-selling book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” died Monday at 79 from complications of a bike fall - even though he was wearing a helmet.
- Apparently his doctors had not read his follow-up book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective Medical Personel”.
On this day in 1861 Congress authorized the first paper money to be issued.
- Now the Government is considering buying out Kinko’s so they can keep print more of it even faster!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here on Wednesday! And FYI… Podcast #50 is up on the homepage! I talk with special guest Tom Ryan about the heydays of radio on Keener 13!
-Dick
Move over William and Kate… there’s a new Royal couple grabbing the headlines. North Korea’s Kim Jong Un has a girlfriend! Hyon-Song-wol is a previously married pop-star who had a string of hits including “Excellent Horse-like Lady”.
- It figures only somebody famous could snag a hottie like Kim Jong Un!
- Kim is apparently so smitten with her, he promised to never have her executed!
- They want the same things all young North Korean couples want: a nice house, a few kids and some food.
A lot of Americans, including politicians, are up in arms over the fact the official United States Team Blazers to be worn by the American Olympic Team were made in China.
- Hey, I’ll give a gold medal to anybody who can find a blazer in this country that wasn’t made in China.
- With all the sweating the athletes do, they’re going to end up with Olympic-Rings-Around-The-Collar!
- Interestingly, the jackets were made by the same 13-year-old girls who will compete as 16-year-olds on the Chinese Gymnastic Team.