The National Atheist Party cancelled it’s annual convention in October because of a lack of funding.
- Honest to God!
- They’ve changed their slogan to: “We have no change and nothing to believe in!”
Taco Bell is test marketing a new breakfast soda pop called “Mountain Dew AM”.
- It’s a great way to wash down their sixteen-cheese breakfast burrito.
- I’m just hoping it comes in decaf.
An 83-year-old male flight attendant with United Airlines has retired after 63 years.
- His wife says that to this very day, he can keep his “tray table” in it’s full and upright position.
- Finally… he’ll have the time to do what he’s always wanted: Travel!
33-year-old Erica DePalo, voted one of the “Teachers of the Year” in New Jersey in 2011 has been arrested for having sex with a 15-year-old student.
- Who knew 15-year-olds were allowed to vote in the “Teacher of the Year” election?
Georgi has introduced a new waffle-flavored vodka.
- Personally, I prefer the pancake-flavored Pinot Grigio.
Kim Kardashian was denied a star on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”.
- She will however be allowed to leave a butt-print in cement outside Grauman’s Chinese Theater.
Russell Crowe was given a lift by the Coast Guard after he and a friend paddled too far off course in their Kayaks.
- He got the rescuer’s attention by throwing his cell phone at them.
On this day in 1906, the first legal forward football pass was made by Brandbury Robinson to Jack Schneider.
- And on this same day in 1996, Bill Clinton made his first illegal forward pass to Monica Lewinsky.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
Here are the Top Ten Vote-Getters in the Suburban Collection’s “Great Charity Giveaway”! Congrats to the winners and thanks to all of you for your support!
#1: South Oakland Center - $15,000
#2: The Cassie Hines Shoes Cancer Foundation - $10,000
#3: The Animal Aid Foundation - $5,000
#4: Friends For The Dearborn Animal Shelter - $3,000
#5: PAWS For Life: $2,000
#6: Cass Community Social Services - $1,000
#7: Home FurEver Rescue - $1,000
#8: Lighthouse of Oakland County - $1,000
#9: Michigan Animal Rescue League - $1,000
#10: Angel’s Place - $1,000
Today is “Back to School” day for all public school students in Michigan.
- You can tell by all the crying kids and their smiling parents.
A new article in Vanity Fair details how the Church of Scientology goes about finding wives for Tom Cruise by having them audition for an alleged video for the Church. “The Chosen One” has to sign a ton of confidentiality agreements. One woman who dated him for a month claims that she was dumped by Cruise and forced to scrub toilets with a toothbrush and dig ditches at night after she told a friend about her relationship with Tom.
- Don’tcha just love a good old-fashioned love story?
- Most women have to wait for the “scrub toilets” part until after the marriage.
A survey found that over half of US employers are monitoring their employees.
- The other ones are too busy playing “Farmville”…
- Finally some good news if you’re unemployed! At least you’re not being monitored!
Pippa Middleton has written a book about party planning.
- Tip #1: Don’t allow friends to bring their cell phones if you’re planning to play “Strip Billiards”.
- Given what she’s best known for, she should name the book “Bottoms Up!”
- The British public, especially the men, are behind her all the way!
MTV announced that this season of Jersey Shore will be the last one.
- But on the bright side, Hollywood is making a sequel to “Dumb and Dumber”!
- I haven’t been this sad since Charlie Sheen left “Two-And-A-Half Men”.
On this day in 1998 Google was founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin, two students at Stanford University.
- Before that, the only ones “Googling” were teenage boys.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Welcome to Labor Day Weekend! We’re back with an all-new Podcast featuring former “Purtan’s Person” Joe Noune - owner of many voices and master of a few! In honor of the political conventions, he brings former President Ronald Reagan back to life - with observations on everything from Chris Christie’s eating habits to a romantic story about his early days dating Nancy.
Also Jackie, Joe and I discuss Prince Harry’s Royal pickle, the new romance blossoming between Superman & Wonder Woman, and in an effort to cover everything from “soup to nuts”, we also talk about a brand of Pistachio’s available at Costco that I can’t get enough of.
But wait… there’s more!
Elvis’s (previously enjoyed) underpants are going on the auction block and I’ll tell you why I think they should be marked “Return to Sender”, plus Randy Travis, Lindsey Lohan and the new trend in wedding planning that may leave you “shuttering”.
And it wouldn’t be a Purtan Podcast if I didn’t slip in a reference to WWII - Today I share a great story about Winston Churchill and an Italian Cruise ship.
So get out your deck chair and get ready to set sail with Podcast #55!
Have a great Labor Day Weekend!
-Dick
Purtan Podcast #55 (37:00)
It appears that the “Mystery Speaker” at tonight’s Republican Convention will be none other than Clint Eastwood.
- When asked by a network reporter how he felt about it, one excited convention-goer said, “Yeah… I’m feelin’ lucky, punk!”
- Mitt Romney said having the famous actor support him will really “Make my day!”
Penn State has banned the Neil Diamond classic “Sweet Caroline” from school events, presumeably because of the lines, “touching me/touching you”.
- Instead they’ll encourage football fans in the stadium to sing M.C. Hammer’s hit “You Can’t Touch This”.
An auction next month in England will offer Elvis Presley’s personal home movies, his family Bible and a pair of underpants he wore, but have never been washed.
- Wow! The chance to own something that was around the King’s ankles when he sat on the throne!
- If only Michael Jackson was still alive… He’d buy the underpants and use them as a giant hammock!
Lindsay Lohan was told that she’s no longer welcome at the Chateau Marmont Hotel after she reportedly failed to pay a $46,000 hotel bill that she accrued over a several-month stay there this summer.
- And that was just the charge for the mini-bar.
- In her defense, Linsday honestly doesn’t remember ever staying at the hotel.