Lance Armstrong reportedly confessed to Oprah Winfrey during a taped interview that he has in fact used performance-enhancing drugs.
- And Oprah admitted to Lance that Stedman does the same thing everytime she gets frisky.
The FDA is requiring makers of Ambien and other sleep aids to reduce recommended dosages because of the number of drowsy morning drivers.
- It’s about time the pharmaceutical companies woke up and smelled the coffee!
Some Walgreens drugstores are selling sushi.
- Nothing says “yummy” like sushi in the same aisle as a cure for toenail fungus.
A mob underboss says he knows exactly where the body of Jimmy Hoffa is buried and it’s right here in the Metro-Detroit area.
- The FBI says this is the biggest lead they’ve gotten on Hoffa’s whereabouts since…last Thursday.
The flu epidemic has reached 48 states and is spreading.
- Al Gore is blaming it on “Global Vomiting”.
On this day in 1868 William Davis, a fish dealer here in Detroit was granted a patent for a refrigerator car. It was called “an icebox on wheels”.
- Which is exactly what thousands of metro-Detroiters called their cars when they got in them this morning!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
The gay rights groups GLAAD and the Human Rights Campaign praised Jodie Foster for coming out publicly during her Golden Globes speech Sunday night.
- I didn’t realize admiting that your “single” and “lonely” meant you were gay.
- She spent hours in her closet picking out just the right dress to come out in.
Country singer Luke Bryan rescued a drowning horse from a river.
- You can hear the full story in his new single, “I Saved A Drowning Horse From A River”.
Lindsay Lohan says she looks up to Charlie Sheen.
- If she looks up to Charlie Sheen I think we can officially say she’s hit bottom - literally and figuratively.
Meanwhile, while making her new movie The Canyons, Lilo was reportedly late to the set, fought with co-stars and drank.
- In her defense, it was Monday.
The Weather Channel has a new show called “Deadliest Space Weather” where they investigate wild weather systems throughout our solar system.
- Reporters say the pay is good but the commute is a bitch!
Former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, who resigned in disgrace after lying about going hiking in Appalachia when he was actually in Argentina visiting his mistress, is trying to make a political comeback by running for Congress.
- It’s kind of refreshing…most guys wait to lie and cheat until after they get elected to Congress.
- Who’s gonna stump for this guy? Two words: Bill Clinton.
The flu is so bad in New York that Governor Cuomo declared a public health emergency.
- In his ongoing effort to make New Yorkers healthy, NYC Mayor Bloomberg immediately banned coughing and temperatures over 102 degrees.
- It may not be the flu afterall…it just may be a bad reaction to those hot dogs they sell from the “Roach Coaches” parked all over town.
Los Angeles temperatures are breaking records for the coldest January, dipping to 34 degrees.
- Thousands of women in Hollywood are buying heated bras just to thaw their implants.
On this day in 1977 Linda McCartney was voted one of the Top 10 “Most Watchable Women” by the Bachelors Club.
- On the same day she was voted one of the Top 10 “LEAST Listenable Women” by…everybody.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Despite heading into last night’s Golden Globe nominations with a total of 7, the movie “Lincoln” took home just one prize. Daniel Day Lewis won Best Actor in a Drama for his portrayal of Honest Abe.
- It took him forever to get to the stage as he and his wife Mary were seated in the balcony.
Jodie Foster was awarded the “Cecille B. DeMille” lifetime acheivement award. During her acceptance speech, the 50 year old admitted that she is tired of being lonely.
- How is that possible? There are hundreds of guys dying to go out with her! Oh, wait…
There was a lot of jewelry on display at the Golden Globes, but none as interesting as the electronic ankle bracelet that Kwame Kilpatrick is currently donning. He was ordered to wear the tether - which basically keeps him under house arrest here in Detroit - after failing to disclose a $2000 “gift” from a Chicago pastor.
- It’s known as Kwame’s Illegal “Cha-Ching-Bling”.
- Kwame says it’s not nearly as tight as the leash his wife Carlita has him on.
Bill Clinton was named “Father of the Year” by the National Father’s Day Council.
- In a related story, he received no votes in the “Husband of the Year” contest.
- Apparently “The National Fathers Day Council” is made up of a bunch of kids who look suspiciously like Bill Clinton.
- Meanwhile, Arnold Schwarzenger was named “Father of the Year” by the “National Housekeepers Council”.
A Las Vegas mother who was having an affair with her biological son was arrested for trying to murder her husband.
- I thought “General Hospital” went off the air?
Prostitutes in Brazil are learning English is preparation for the 2014 Olympics.
- And in addition to cash, the girls have announced that they will accept Bronze, Silver & Gold.
- So all you guys planning on attending the Olympics can cancel your order for “Roseta Stone - Brazilian”!