So here it is. October 1st. And I’ve got my first cold of the season. It’s not a bad cold, just the kind where you’re a little stuffed up, an occasional little cough, and you’re head and throat have kind of a burning sensation. I thought I was handling the whole thing pretty well, until a couple of my daughters dropped by yesterday. I was hunkered down in my favorite chair wearing a sweater watching a Lion eat a Wildebeest on the Animal Planet Channel.
“Are you sick, Dad?” Jackie asked.
“He’s got a cold,” my wife Gail said with a wink to my daughters.
“Oh, you poor thing!” Jessica chimed in.
I couldn’t help but notice a tinge of humor in her voice.
“What?” I said. “What’s so funny?”
“You are.” Gail, Jackie and Jessica said in unison. “You have a look on your face like your dying.” And that’s when it hit me: I don’t mean to generalize, but apparently from the stories the girls starting telling about their husbands (and things we’ve all heard for years) men don’t handle minor illnesses as well as women do.
Case in point: Gail was literally on the verge on pneumonia a few weeks ago and still managed to keep the house running. She took her antibiotics and a few naps, but other than that, she forged ahead. Even with a fever, she did the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, remembered to send out a few birthday cards, kept up with the kids, talked with a woman who had just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, went through the mail, and ordered flowers for her sister’s wedding anniversary.
Now flash forward to yesterday: I’m stuffed up and basically down for the count.
I decided to call Big Al for a little male-moral support. The conversation went approximately as follows:
ME: Hey, Al. It’s Dick.
BIG AL: You sound stuffed up.
ME: I’ve got a cold.
BIG AL: Oh, man. What a bummer! I got a cold last spring and it was awful. I was a mess. I felt like my head was going to explode.
ME: You got a pretty good size melon, as it is old buddy!
BIG AL: Yeah, I know. People could almost see it on the long shot of me on “Detroit 1-8-7”. You did watch the show, right?
ME: Al, c’mon! This is Dick. Your buddy. Of course I watched the show.
BIG AL: Whadya think?
ME: Michael Imperioli is pretty good in that role.
BIG AL: No… I meant, what about me?
ME: Oooooh… Sorry to say this, Al, but I sneezed just as you were delivering your big line.
BIG AL: So you missed my entire performance?
ME: Well not your entire performance. I did hear you say something, but I couldn’t make out what it was. Look, I’d better go. All this talking is starting to irritate my throat.
BIG AL: Is your throat sore?
ME: Not really… YET.
BIG AL: Well make sure you suck on some lozenges just in case. And if you feel up to it, take a really long hot shower. The steam will help clear your nose. But the heat can make you kind of weak so be careful.
ME: I will.
BIG AL: Do you need me to bring you anything? Soup? Some magazines?
ME: No, I’ve got magazines and it’s hard to eat soup when you’re lying on the couch.
BIG AL: Sometimes I sit up for a few minutes to eat the soup.
ME: Or maybe I could just use a straw.
BIG AL: Great idea! I never thought of that. The important thing is that you should just take it easy and ride this thing out.
ME: Will do.
BIG AL: I won’t call you in case you’re sleeping. But if you’re up to it, call me later and give me an update.
ME: You got it. Thanks. (CLICK)
Finally! Someone who understood!
I realize two things are going on right now:
#1 – If you’re a woman, you’re thinking I’m a wimp.
#2 – If you’re a man you totally understand what I’m going through.
We men are good at lot things including lifting heavy stuff and going to the bathroom standing up. But when it comes to minor ailments, we’re just plain different than women. Maybe it’s the whole giving-birth thing (let’s face it… that’s slightly more painful than the getting-your-wife-pregnant thing).
Have a great weekend and we’ll see you back here Monday morning!
- Dick