A “Chile” Reception For One Guy…
Chileans are celebrating the safe rescue of all 33 trapped miners, after they spent 69 days buried 2000 feet underground, longer than anyone else ever has, and survived. Getting the most attention is Barrios Rojas, whose wife discovered he had a mistress when they both showed up at a vigil. He was 23rd out and greeted by… his mistress. The two embraced as the cameras rolled. Meanwhile his wife stayed home and watched it with their kids on TV. She said, “I have a sense of decency”.
Besides, she was too busy reading the “What To Do When He Cheats” manual by Lorena Bobbitt.
When he came out of the hole and saw the shadow of his mistress, he went back into the hole for six more weeks.
Hey, at least eventually, if he’s looking for a dark, out-of-the-way place to sneak off with her he knows where to go.
Not to be flip, but this guy has really dug a hole for himself.
He Should Have Just Cheated On His Taxes…
22-year-old Army soldier Greg Tracy of Georgia was caught cheating by his girlfriend. In order to get her back, he’s agreed to complete six tasks determined by her, that prove he is worthy and has learned his lesson. So far he’s finished five. He’s made a timeline of the “special moments” in their relationship; called a radio station to confess on the air; given her the passwords to his email, Facebook and MySpace accounts; made a YouTube video wearing a Scooby-Doo hat and holding a sign detailing his cheating and branding himself a “dog”. Greg says he’s learned his lesson but his girlfriend has yet to even reveal what his 6th task will be.
How much you want to bet it involves spending some time in an abandoned mine in Chile?
At Least They Can Offer You A Cart To Help Move Your Stuff
An investigation seems to be proving that banks and mortgage companies rushed through home foreclosures with shoddy paperwork. Apparently some of the “foreclosure experts” hired to make decisions were actually former assembly line workers, hairstylists and ex-Walmart clerks with no experience. They reportedly didn’t even know the meaning of such terms as lien, promissory note or affidavit, or even what a mortgage was.
The guilty banks should have been honest and advertised with the slogan, “Trust Your Home Mortgage Nest To The Man In The Walmart Vest!”
A “Streak” of Bad Luck???
It was revealed that Juan Rodriguez is the guy who streaked naked in front of President Obama to collect a $1 million prize for the prank from flamboyant Internet billionaire, Alki David. But the joke may be on him. David changing the rules: even thought the streak was recorded by hundreds of cameras, he won’t pay unless Obama personally verifies that he saw it. But the White House is refusing to comment and experts say they probably never will.
Is it just me or do you feel an “Internet Billionaire and Fat Naked Guy Beer Summit” coming on?
The President saw the guy… but it happened so fast he thought it was Joe Biden.
Somebody Needs To Prune Their Family Tree…
Genealogy researchers at Ancestry.com looked up some famous people’s family trees with interesting results. Among them: President Obama and George W. Bush are 11th cousins and Obama is a 10th cousin of Sarah Palin through a common ancestor from Provo, Utah, named John Smith. Here’s the capper: Rush Limbaugh is the President’s 10th cousin, once removed.
They found the Obama/Limbaugh connection on an old sheet of “Ditto” paper.
Researchers also discovered that when George W. Bush was conceived, his father hung a huge banner on his house reading, “Mission Accomplished”.
Bush and Obama are allegedly planning to spend this Thanksgiving together… Bush will get the right wing and Obama will get the left wing.
I’ll bet President Obama would rather be related to the fat naked guy who streaked at that rally.
“Another Pleasant Valley Sunday”
A man in Niceville, Florida was arrested after five male friends came to his house to watch a football game. They had a few too many and wouldn’t quiet down, then attacked him when he asked them to go home. He finally fetched his gun and fired a shot into the air to make them leave.
If this is what happens in “Niceville”, I can’t imagine what they do in nearby “Mean Town”!
So I guess all those times we saw Saddam Hussein standing on the Palace balcony shooting his gun in the air, he was just trying to get his friends to go home.
“Our Dog Had Kibbles AND Bits!”
A Dog Shelter in England is having a hard time finding a home for a unique bull terrier named Georgie. Georgie was born a hermaphrodite – in other words had both male and female sex organs. Vets operated to remove the male organs and turn him/her into a bitch. Prospective owners seem to like her at first but are then repulsed when they learn about her condition. The shelter is hoping to find a special person who can fall in love with Georgie and not be put off by her sexuality.
Maybe they should implement a “Don’t Ask. Don’t Bark” policy.
It doesn’t matter what sex she is… she’s still gonna drag her butt across the carpet.
Talk About Budget CUTS!
Greece’s largest government health insurance provider has announced that it will no longer pay for special footwear for diabetes patients. Why? They say amputating their feet is cheaper.
This does not bode well for Greek men suffering from Erectile Dysfunction.
Have a great day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick