Campaign Don’t-na-tions
MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann will be back on the air Tuesday night after being suspended by the cable network Friday for violating corporate policy; Olbermann donated $2400 to three democratic candidates in the fall without disclosing it. MSNBC president Phil Griffin said that after several days of deliberation, he’d decided keeping Keith off the air was punishment enough.
- For who?
- You mean to tell me Keith Olbermann is a Democrat? But his reporting is so unbiased!
- I guess for a few days at least, Keith Olbermann was… “The Worst Person in the World!”
- The President of MSNBC said it was hard to find someone tough and manly enough to fill Olbermann’s shoes… especially because Rachel Maddow was busy doing her own show.
He Didn’t Curry Any Favor With The Audience…
President Obama gave a 20-minute speech to India’s Parliament today, but some locals were surprised to learn that he’d be the first dignitary ever to use a teleprompter in their chamber. One anonymous official said, “We thought Obama is a trained orator and skilled in the art of mass address with his continuous eye contact.”
- On a bright note, when the computer running the teleprompter went down, everyone – including the Prime Minister – jumped up and ran over to fix it.
- Why not use a teleprompter? it was probably made in India anyway!
Dying to Have Sex?
A new study of 4 thousand men by the University of Florence in Italy, found that men who have frequent sex have a lower risk of depression and prostate problems. An added bonus? The testosterone produced during sex can help prevent osteoporosis, diabetes, and reduce the risk of heart disease. But there’s a catch… Only men who were faithful to their wives enjoyed these life-extending benefits.
- Which means Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are living on borrowed time.
- The men who cheated on their wives died much earlier… because they were shot by their wives or irate husbands.
- The men who cheated didn’t always die young – but some of them developed a condition known as the “Bobbitt Syndrome”.
A Tisket, A Casket, A Thong That’ll Blow Your Gasket!
Polish Coffin maker Linder is using its calendars to bring some sexiness back to death. For the second year in a row, they’ve photographed hot models in lingerie posing next to their coffins. The Catholic Church says it’s not sexy, its tasteless, shocking, and disturbing. But Linder says they expect this year’s calendar sales to exceed the 3000 sold last year. The 2011 version includes scenes inspired by movies like “The Godfather” and the James Bond films. One pic shows a model in a lacy thong forcing a man into a coffin at gunpoint.
- And thus the expression, “He died with a smile on his face!”
- The models they use for their Cremation calendar are REALLY hot!!!
- Of course this rules out the “closed casket” option…
- Who knew a push-up bra could make the idea of pushin’ up daisies so much fun!
- We considered doing this for one of our Children’s Hospital calendars, but we couldn’t find a casket big enough for Big Al.
“You May Now Kiss Yourself!”
Sunday, at a hotel in Taiwan, Chen Wei-yi married herself. The 30-year-old office worker became an internet sensation after announcing plans to marry herself because they’re were no decent men available. The ceremony and reception was attended by 30 friends and relatives. Chen said, “We must love ourselves before we can love others. I must marry myself before marrying the special someone”.
- I hope she made herself sign a pre-nup!
- Her wedding song? “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman”.
- “Marrying myself”… I think Geoffrey Feiger started that trend years ago.
- She registered for a set of “Hers & Hers” towels…
- Ironically, she loves her parents but can’t stand her in-laws.
“You Have Zero Friends in Common-ers”
Queen Elizabeth II has joined Facebook, launching a series of official pages offering daily updates on her royal engagements. The 84-year-old monarch will be featured in videos, photos and news items starting today, along with her grandson’s William and Harry. But because it’s a corporate – not personal account, you won’t be able to become friends with Her Majesty. The Royal Family is already on Twitter, YouTube & the photo sharing Web site, Flickr.
- Except for Camilla, whose pictures are actually on “Flicker” the Horse.
- This is wonderful! Now we’ll know exactly what the Queen is doing when she’s on the Throne.
- Prince Charles has launched his own Facebook page called “Make My Mother Retire”.
- The Queen lists her “Interests” as, “Waving” and watching the British reality show, “Pimp My Carriage”.
Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here tomorrow!
- Dick