And David Hasselhoff Still Isn’t One Of Them…
A Yale University study suggests that there might be three times a many stars as previously thought. The new estimate is 300 sextillion stars, which is 300 followed by 21 zeroes.
- So if you thought the Big Dipper was impressive, wait ‘til you get a load of the “Large Ladel”!
- “Sextillion” … That’s also the name used to describe the number of hookers Charlie Sheen has beeen with.
- Upon hearing the news, singer Don McLean announced plans for a new single, “REALLY REALLY Starry Starry Night”.
- If Vincent Van Gogh had had to paint that many stars he would have cut his other ear off!
I’m Anti-Bacterial!
NASA is set to make a major announcement today about the possibility of alien life. They haven’t found any little green men, but they’ve reportedly found bacteria at the bottom of California’s Mono Lake, which is heavy in arsenic. The idea is that if bacteria can live in an environment so poisonous it’s considered un-survivable, then that ups the chances of finding life on other planets.
- What a great idea! Bring indestructible bacteria to the surface that can kill us, just to prove there might be life somewhere else!
- Of course we already have a toxic substance available that makes people look like aliens: Botox
Simply The Best?
First Lady Michelle Obama has selttled on a theme for the White House holiday decorations: “Simple Gifts”. To emphasize the simple things that bring joy at Christmas, dozens of volunteers came from around the U.S. to make decorations from basic, even reusable materials including wood, newspaper and magazine pages.
- One woman made a string of paper garland from a copy of the health care bill that stretches all the way to China!
- Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like an ornament made out of recycled toilet paper.
Way To Go!
Nancy Pelosi might actually approve of one thing that incoming GOP Speaker John Boehner plans to change about Congress. He’s remodeling a swanky office space adjacent to the House floor so that women will finally have a ladies restroom close by.
- Giving credit where credit is due, Boehner admitted that putting peep-holes in the walls was Bill Clinton’s idea.
- Up until now, it’s been like the old days at Pine Knob where the women just push there way into the men’s room.
- Maybe the lack of a ladies room is where they got the term “filibuster”.
- The guy who’s office they’re taking over says he’s not going to take this sitting down. Then again, he doesn’t have too!
It’s A Little Big For A Stocking Stuffer
On December 16th, Nate D. Sanders auction house in Santa Monica will offer the ultimate collectible for JFK conspiracy buffs: Lee Harvey Oswald’s coffin. It was exhumed in 1981, on his widow’s theory that a lookalike was buried in it. Tests showed it was the real Oswald and he was reburied in a new coffin. Bidding on the old, water-damaged one starts at $1000.
- It sounds gross but makes for a nice lawn decoration if you display it on a nice grassy knoll.
- Right now, Oliver Stone is wetting his pants.
C’mon, Deck The Halls Already!
A new Rasmussen survey finds that 60% of American households say they plan to decorate their homes for the holiday. However, Christmas is just 23 days away and only 22% have finished putting them up. Not surprisingly, fewer men than woman have even gotten started yet.
- Elton John and Adam Lambert said that their houses are completely decorated and they’ve already donned their gay apparel.
A Sign Of The Times
In Spokane, Washington, freak weather conditions involving heavy snow piles are making an electronic “Don’t Walk” sign that shows an upraised hand, appear to show only the middle finger raised. So basically it looks like it’s giving pedestrians the finger. Officials say they’ll fix the problem after they clear up more pressing issues like plowing the streets.
- Following everyone’s mother’s advice to NOT touch your tongue to anything cold in the wintertime because it will stick, the city is now putting up signs that say, “Lick it or Ticket”.
No Doggs Allowed
Snoop Dogg dedicated his new single “Wet” to Prince William’s bachelor party in hopes of being asked to perform at the event, but Palace officials say any party arrangements will be private.
- Besides, William’s brother, Prince Harry has already booked his favorite band, “Adolf and the Hit-lers”.
- They were thinking of having Prince Charles wife Camilla sing at the party, but apparently her voice is a little horse.
Blowing Out The Candles…
And Happy Birthday to Britney Spears who turns 29 today!
- She’ll mark the occasion by wearing panties!
Have a great day and we’ll see you right back here tomorrow!
- Dick