Happy Day-After Mother’s Day to all you Mother’s out there! (And I’m not talking about Kwame) I hope you had a wonderful weekend!
Speaking of the weekend, I made my first public “outing” (if you don’t count trips to Costco and the Salmon Jerky Outlet) when I emceed the Karmanos Cancer Center’s annual dinner Saturday night. When Nick Karmanos first asked me to host the event, I told him I had planned on being in Florida at the time. “Oh come on Dick,” he said. “By May 9th it’s going to be sunny and 80 degrees here in Michigan!” I called Nick yesterday, and quoted a Washington Congressman: “You lie!”
In another big development over the weekend, Big Al told me – get ready - that he has regained his sense of smell. I’m not kidding. The entire 14 years I worked with the man he couldn’t smell a thing and now… miraculously… it’s back. Maybe that explains why he thought everything we did on the show was hilarious!
And now, on with the news…
Despite NBC execs worries that 88-year-old Betty White wouldn’t be able to handle Saturday’s 90 minute episode of Saturday Night Live, she kicked butt. Betty appeared in nearly every sketch, “killed” as they say, and the show drew its’ highest ratings in years.
- Rumor has it, from now on their going to call the show “Senior Night Live… Next up: Abe Vigoda”.
- To be honest, the show has been so bad lately I heard they were going to turn it into a drama: Law & Order: SNL
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In an international survey by Opinionway, the French were named the world’s biggest whiners and amazingly enough they embrace it: 72% of French people believe they complain more than people in any other nation.
- And 100% admit they whine about the fact that Jerry Lewis hasn’t made a new movie in years.
- The great thing about the other 28% of Frenchmen is that if you tell them to quit whining, they throw their hands up and say, “Fine, I surrender”.
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President Obama may be young… but apparently he’s not too keen on the latest technology. At Hampton University’s commencement speech in Virginia over the weekend, the Commander in Chief complained that the 24/7 media is dangerous for democracy because it gives a voice to “some of the craziest claims”. He also admitted that he doesn’t know how to work an iPod, iPad, Xbox or PlayStation.
- Ex-President George Bush immediately announced that he embraces the new gadgets, daring anyone to beat his PlayStation score for “Super Mario Brothers”.
- President Clinton was way ahead of his time. He had a “PlayStation” before they were even invented. He called it, “The little room right off the Oval Office”.
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The day after that badly made car bomb was found in Times Square, a Pakistani Taliban group posted a YouTube Video taking credit for it. But after it was revealed that the would-be-bomber used non-explosive fertilizer, left the keys to his getaway car inside, and had been dubbed “The Idiot Bomber” they quickly retracted their claim.
- In the bomber’s defense… who hasn’t accidentally left their keys in the car?
- I guess they’d rather be associated with someone who’s just a “semi-idiot” like the Underwear Bomber.
- When the head Taliban Leader head about the screw-up he got so mad he accidentally blew himself up. He obviously had a short fuse.
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On this day in 1869, a golden spike was driven at Promontory Point, Utah, to mark the joining of tracks for the east and west for the first transcontinental railroad.
- I’m no genius… but it seems like the guys from the east were working a lot harder… Then again, they had been promised a weekend in Vegas with some showgirls if they got there first.
- LITTLE KNOWN FACT: The first load of passengers from New York to California consisted entirely of plastic surgeons.