Before we get to the news, I want to mention that yesterday was “Armed Forces Day” – the day we salute all the brave men and women who have, and do, put their lives on the line every day to guarantee our freedom. To all of them, and their families… Thank you!
As you may know, I am no stranger to the military life. In fact I was wounded in (non) action. It happened during my basic training at Ft. Dix in New Jersey. During an intense practice drill, I was forced to shimmy on my belly underneath a mass of barbed wire. What happened next was a blur… Somehow I turned my head and accidentally nicked my cheek on one of the barbs. It took Gail two full months to nurse me back to health.
Did I get a Purple Heart? No. But I did get a band-aid.
So to all the real Heroes in our Armed Forces… you have my profound admiration and undying gratitude!
And now, on with the news…
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An Animal Rescue and Adoption Center on Long Island, NY needs Viagra. “The Little Blue Pill” was originally developed as a heart medication, and a vet says one of the dogs, a pit bull, needs two Viagra Pills a day to stay alive.
- When asked about the story, a surprised Big Al commented, “Just two?”
- Now the shelter can get the dog to roll over – then it smokes a cigarette and falls asleep.
- If the dog seems interested in your leg for more than four hours… take him to the vet immediately.
- The hard part is getting the dog to relax in that white bathtub in the field they’re always showing in the commercials.
- You gonna say “no” to a pit bull?
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Last night Rima Fakih – Miss Michigan – was crowned Miss USA!
- She’s originally from Lebanon, but if you’ve seen the just-released photos of her past exploits, you might think she’s of “Pole”-ish descent…
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A new poll of 2000 adults in Britain found that 58% say the first thing they’ll discuss with strangers and even business acquaintances is the weather. That’s way more than they chat about work, sports, TV or gossip. On average, they talk about the weather for 49 hours a year.
- Big deal. Al Gore spent that long talking about it just this past weekend.
- If they lived in Michigan, their conversation would change every five minutes.
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Hillary Clinton still owes $770,000 in campaign debt and her husband Bill is stepping in to help pay if off. Supporters just received an e-mail saying that if they donate as little as $5, they’ll be entered in a raffle to “Win A Day With Bill” in New York City.
- The Ex-President only agreed to it because he thought it was called “Win a DATE with Bill”.
- Contestants are urged to submit a photo of themselves in a bikini and sign a confidentiality agreement swearing they won’t tell anyone what they did on their “special day” with Bill… especially Hillary.
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A new autobiography by the first Chinese astronaut to make it into space has revealed some rather shocking info. In the book, Yang Liwei says that his space-menu included braised chicken, steamed fish and dog meat.
- Yang said, “Chicken and fish? Yech!”
- Wait until “Pluto” hears about this…
- You know what they say… “In Space… No One Can Hear You Bark”.
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The comic strip “Little Orphan Annie” has been given the ax after 85 years. Debuting in 1924, it followed the adventures of the redheaded orphan after her adoption by millionaire Daddy Warbucks. It inspired movies, radio shows and even the famous Broadway play, Annie.
- They broke the news to her by saying: “The Sun Will Come Out, Tomorrow… NOT”
- I just hope her dog Sandy doesn’t end up in the Chinese Space Program.
- Not to worry, Angelina Jolie has agreed to adopt her.
- But there is a bright side… Annie has been asked to come back and co-host Saturday Night Live with Betty White.