It was tough to sleep last night… FOR KWAME. A 19 count Federal Indictment was handed down yesterday charging the former Mayor with spending money from his non-profit civic fund on personal expenses including cars, camps for his kids, yoga and golf lessons. Each charge carries a maximum of 20 years in prison.
- On the bright side… while in the slammer, he’s got plenty of time to plan out his defense strategy for the new charges.
- Using non-profit money for golf lessons? Even Bernie Madoff said, “That is sooooo unethical!”
- Yoga involves contorting your body in a lot of tough positions, right? How much do you want to bet he bought those lessons for Christine Beatty?
While we’re talking about former Politicians…
The National Enquirer is claiming that one of the reasons Al and Tipper Gore have split is that back in 2006, Al was accused of “unwanted sexual advances” by a masseuse in Oregon. She says, among other things, he answered the door in a robe and hugged her for an “uncomfortably long time”. Police say they saw the $540 massage bill and the woman kept a pair of his pants as evidence. Still, the woman refused to press charges.
- The Hotel did, however press his pants.
- Usually all Al has to do to turn women on is tell ‘em he invented the internet.
- Maybe the woman was upset because Al didn’t “Tipper”.
- Our Big Al once paid $540 for a massage, but that’s because the masseuse charged him a dollar per pound.
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A sex survey of Britons by the Kawi garlic company found that 31% have cut a love-making session short because they were too tired to go on. They also found that one in twenty Brits worry about having a heart attack during “enthusiastic sex”.
- So they believe screaming through a three-hour World Cup Soccer match is okay, but a minute and a half in the sack might kill ‘em…
- This study was conducted by A GARLIC COMPANY. Any chance that was why the romance was cut short?
- At her age, Queen Elizabeth defines “enthusiastic sex” as going to the Tower of London and checking out the family jewels.
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(No Disrespect to the dead… but as they say, “Tragedy plus time equals Comedy”…)
Hard to believe, but tomorrow marks the one-year anniversary of the death of Michael Jackson. Forest Lawn Cemetery, MJ’s final resting place, announced that fans will be allowed to leave flowers – but that statues, posters, incense, web broadcasting equipment, balloons, candles, doves, pinwheels and radios are strictly prohibited.
- Radios? Who listens to those anymore? (Just kidding!!!!!)
- When Bubbles heard he couldn’t bring balloons he went ape.
- They’ve already got a cardboard cut-out of Michael posted outside the gates that says, “You must be shorter than my arm to enter the cemetery”.
- Instead of filing past the grave forward, in the traditional manner, fans will be asked to moonwalk.
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A blogger for Marie Claire magazine asked readers to comment on a suggestion by a bridal website for how to deal with elaborate and restricting wedding gowns. One bride wrote that since her gown took twenty minutes to get in and out of, a shop manager suggested she wear adult diapers underneath so she didn’t have to worry about lengthy potty breaks. Turns out some bridal shops do carry a bridal version of Depends…
- They come with toilet paper hanging out the back which looks just like a “train”!
- I thought most couples getting married these days didn’t have to deal with diapers until the bride gave birth to their first child a few months after the wedding.
- So now brides can have padded panties to match their padded bras!
- Imagine how surprised the grooms gonna be when he lifts her dress to remove the garter…
- I heard that it’s not just for brides… Larry King has worn depends through the last three of his eight marriages.
As Larry would say, “Helllooo!” … I mean goodbye! See ya tomorrow!
-Dick