Big Day for the “K”!
A judge ruled yesterday that starting today Kwame could be released to “mingle” with the general population at his new prison home in Milan! He’s going to make so many new friends! Imagine the fun… a pick-up game of basketball, a stroll around the yard, trading a pack of smokes for an Escalade… Good times! Good times!
Farewell to “The Chief”…
Detroit Police Chief Warren Evans resigned (was fired) after a six and a half minute video surfaced of him auditioning for a reality crime TV show. Mayor Bing wasn’t happy and let him go.
Why bother with another reality crime show? All you have to do is watch the local news every night.
The next logical move for former Chief Evans: An appearance on Dancing with the Stars!
An Inconvenient Accusation…
The National Enquirer is reporting that two more female massage therapists have come forward claiming that Al Gore sexually assaulted them. One works at a hotel in Tokyo, the other in Hollywood. She claims Gore called her to his luxury hotel room while he was in town for the Oscars. When he arrived he allegedly dropped his towel, pointed to his – shall we say – “extremely happy little Veep” – and said “Take care of THIS”.
Isn’t that what good politicians do? Delegate responsibilities?
This gives a whole new meaning to, “I serve at the pleasure of the Vice President”.
Maybe Al just thought sex with a masseuse was part of the standard “Oscar Nominee Goodie Bag”.
Police are allegedly dusting the room to see if they can identify his Carbon Footprint.
Which reminds us…
Happy Early Birthday to Monica Lewinsky! She turns the big 37 tomorrow. To show all is forgiven, Hillary even sent her a gift: A CD of Mitch Ryder’s “Devil With The Blue Dress On”.
“Ladies and Gentlemen… The Beatles!” (Piano)
Abbey Road Studios in London is selling their old studio piano – the same one heard on many of the Beatles records. It’s covered in cigarette burns and coffee rings and although it’s been played everyday for decades, they claim it still sounds good. It’s expected to bring in about $225,000.
If Yoko Ono buys the piano and starts playing and singing, her neighbors plan to take Maxwell’s Silver Hammer and smash it.
Hey, once you sand off the cigarette burns and coffee stains and slap on a fresh coat of varnish, that piano will be as good as new!
On a similar “note”…
An auction company in Chicago will sell the autopsy tools used on Elvis Presley, along with his casket shipping invoice and toe tag. They hope to get about $8000 for the lot. Before you get out your checkbook, you should know that the toe tag is actually a replacement. It reads “John Doe” because the original was stolen from the hospital by a fan.
When hospital workers discovered the theft, they said “The toe tag reading “The King” has left the building”!
Elvis in Heaven… It’s sort of the ultimate case of “Return to Sender”.
If you’re interested in buying the toe tag you’d better act quick! “It’s Now or Never”…
“An Affair to Forget”
A new survey of 1000 Australians found that nearly half believe romantic comedies have ruined their view of an ideal relationship. They said the warm and fuzzy cliche-filled flicks made them believe their partner should know what they’re thinking, give gifts “just because” and expect fireworks and a happy-ever ending to their relationships.
That explains it! Mel Gibson has been watching one too many Romantic Comedies.
One thing most people would agree on: “It’s Complicated”.
Have a great day! See you tomorrow!
- Dick, Jackie & Al