The President’s scheduled appearance on Thursday’s episode of “The View” is raising eyebrows. Some say his “guest shot” on the chat fest will lower the dignity of the Presidency.
Wait… I thought Bill and Monica did that?
He could appear on Jerry Springer and he would still show more dignity than Congress.
I can’t wait to hear Barbara Walters ask Obama, “If you were a twee, what kind of twee would you be?”
The tough questions will probably come from Elizabeth Hasselbeck… that is if you can hear her through the duct tape over her mouth.
Fun for the Whole Family!
Lindsay Lohan is supposed to report to rehab within 24 hours of her release from jail, but she’s not too happy with the idea. She says she wants to spend some quality time with her family first.
If only she had a quality family…
Her plans include suing her father, then doing shots with her mother.
She Got The Short End of the Stick…
A woman in India has been ordered to pay $4440 U.S. to her estranged husband for citing his impotence as grounds for divorce. She married him nine years ago – but left after 3 months claiming that she “could not have conjugal bliss, as he was impotent”. The man counter-sued her for “defaming his manhood and rendering him unmarriageable”. The judge sided with the man.
He also claimed his wife ruined his chances of joining the Indian version of “Up With People”.
“Defaming his manhood” – isn’t that was marriage is all about? (Just kidding ladies! Just kidding!)
The man’s mistress, a “Miss Cialis”, testified that he had no problems in the bedroom.
There’s Dumb & Dumber & Then This Guy…
William Morse of Cincinnati showed up in court for a misdemeanor hearing wearing a T-Shirt featuring the murderous doll Chucky from the “Child’s Play” movies with the tag line: “Say Goodbye To The Killer”. The judge sent him home saying his attire was inappropriate. The man’s excuse? He got up late and didn’t have time to change.
Ironically, the man’s attorney was wearing an “I’m With Stupid” T-Shirt with the arrow pointed right at his client.
Noah’s Dork
Police in Austria stopped a driver who appeared “jumpy” – and it turns out he had good reason. He was trying so smuggle in over 60 animals he’d bought from a bankrupt wildlife park in Holland and planned to resell. The animals included dozens of parrots, small mammals, peacocks, birds of paradise and six kangaroos.
The guy was “jumpy” because one of the kangaroos kept kicking the back of his seat.
He never should have let the peacock ride shotgun!
Turns out the parrots had called the cops before he even left the wildlife park.
Speak Up! I Can’t Hair You!
55-year-old Radha Bajpai of India already holds the world record for the longest ear hair at 5.2 inches but wants to update that because the hair is now 11 inches long. One of his relatives said people used to taunt him, but now realize that “he has really achieved something in life”.
The old ear hair record holder? Howard Binkpaltonakowski.
Eleven inches of ear hair is impressive. But if he had eleven inches of NOSE hair… not that would will really be something!
A few inches longer and he can use it as a scarf around the collar of his Nehru jacket.
Too Horny in Italy?
Police in Pievebelvicino, Italy, arrested a man who had finally had it with those vuvuzela horns so popular during the World Cup. People at a bar near his home wouldn’t stop playing the horns, so the man drove his car repeatedly into the front of the bar. Police took him in for psychiatric evaluation.
Doctors diagnosed him as “the sanest man in Italy”.
This guy has given angry Lions’ fans a bad idea!
Have a great middle-of-the-week day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick, Jackie & Big Al