A Hot Wing!
Great to see that Chris Chelios is staying with the Red Wings in an advisory capacity. He holds the record for the most games played by a defensemen in NHL history at 1,651 – a shoo-in for the NHL Hall of Fame!
From Athletic Cups to G-strings…
I wanted to address a comment made on Facebook about one of our stories on yesterday’s blog. The story was about how “Granny Pant’s are making a comeback over G-Strings”. Char Krupp-Kruse wrote that “they are called thongs not G-strings anymore”. After intensive Googling, I discovered that G-Strings are actually a type of thong – but not necessarily the same thing. Just to be sure, I’ve got a call in to Tiger Woods for clarification.
Speaking of Tiger…
Did you hear that just four days after reaching an enormous divorce settlement, he has taken out a $54.5 million mortgage for the mega-mansion he’s building on Florida’s exclusive Jupiter Island?
The house may be on Jupiter but he’s got his head up Uranus!
“I Love My Grant-Ma!”
A Dallas Newspaper reports that the number of Congressional Black Caucus Foundation scholarships awarded by Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson to her ineligible grandchildren, grand-nephews and her aides’s kids now stands at 23. Johnson says she wouldn’t have given so much money to her relatives, but not enough qualified students applied.
Plenty applied, but they failed the mandatory “I’m-related-to-Bernice” DNA test.
To her credit, she did run as a “family values” candidate.
To prove her character is beyond reproach, she showed the reporter she was wearing her “World’s Greatest Grandma” T-Shirt.
And to think I was happy when my Grandma gave me a shiny new quarter on my birthday!
“Talk to the Hand…”
A London fashion house has announced plans to market the first Cell-Phone Dress for women who often find themselves without a pocket to hold their phones. Dubbed the “M-Dress”, the feminine frock has a SIM card connection under the label. The mouth and earpiece are in the cuff. To answer a call, you just lift your hand to your face and then drop your hand to hang up.
If you do the “YMCA” while wearing this dress, you’ll end up spending a thousand bucks repeatingly calling China.
Hasn’t the Secret Service used this technology for years?
Maxwell Smart would have killed for one of these dresses! It’s so much more convenient than having to take off your shoe.
“The Old and The Not-So-Bored”
Old people might gripe about them, but it turns out they like reading negative stories about today’s young people. A German survey found that reading bad things about young people boosts old people’s self-esteem, possibly because it’s revenge for the negative way older people are portrayed in our youth-centered society.
Who would have thought that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are actually giving the elderly a reason to live!
So when your neighbor yells, “Hey you kids… get off my lawn!” what he’s really saying is, “Come back tomorrow and bring your friends!”
There’s been a surprising backlash against Betty White. A lot of old people are hoping she’ll get caught with Cocaine mixed in with her Metamucil.
It’s a Daddy Burnt Legs!
A 28-year-old man was trying to kill a spider in his bathroom using spray from an aerosol can. For some reason he decided he needed more light so he flicked his cigarette lighter, igniting the fumes. He suffered flash burns before jumping in the shower to put out the flames. His wife called fire fighters for help.
Then she killed the spider with her shoe – on the first try.
The man said he was spraying the spider with “Nair” so it’s leg hair would fall off and it wouldn’t look so scary.
Even “Little Miss Muffet” thinks this guy is a wimp.
Have a great day and we’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick