This morning, on day two of the Papal Conclave, the Cardinals sent a message that they had not come to a decision by sending up a puff of black smoke from the Sistine Chapel.
- In related news, a puff of white smoke was seen coming out of Willie Nelson’s tour bus signaling a new member will be inducted into the Grand Ole Opry’s Hall of Fame.
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Nostradamus predicted that this will be the last Pope.
- He also predicted that Jimmy Fallon will soon replace Jay Leno on the Tonight Show.
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Dennis Rodman announced that he’ll be heading back to North Korea this summer to vacation with his BFF Kim Jong Un.
- They’ll do the usual stuff… swim, camp out, and aim nuclear missiles at the U.S.
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Saudi Arabia may stop beheadings because there is a shortage of swordsmen.
- Heads are gonna roll over this decision.
- Apparently nobody wants the job because all you get is severance pay.
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Ken - of Ken and Barbie - celebrates his 52nd Birthday today.
- As a birthday gift to himself, Ken is having one of those walk-in bathtubs installed in the Malibu Dream House.
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According to a new study, sperm is healthiest in late winter and early spring.
- Apparently that’s when most of them sign up for swimming lessons at the Y. Or is it the X?
- It was also announced that most of the sperm exercise, while listening to Paul Simons, “Mama Don’t Take My Chromosomes Away!”
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A recent study found that half of Americans are NOT saving for retirement.
- Of course, saving for retirement is easier if you actually have a job.
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Have a great day and I’ll be back here tomorrow with another Prison Letter from my favorite convicted fellon, K. Kilpatrick!
-Dick