NBC has rehired Arnold Schwarzenegger’s ex, Maria Shriver, as a news anchor.
- They were going to hire her as an investigative reporter until they remembered that it took her ten years to figure out that while her maid was doing the windows, her husband was doing the maid.
*****
Bobby Ferguson is in hot water again…this time with his wife Marilyn. She’s hit him with a suit for unpaid child support and claims that their 15-year-old son is living on public assistance.
- So Bobby’s son is just like Kwame…He lived on public assistance too, it’s just that the public didn’t know they were “assisting” him.
- Ferguson said he’d be happy to pay, as soon as he remembers where he hid the millions of dollars he denies having.
*****
Health advocates are worried about the dangers of Wrigley’s new caffeinated gum.
- They’re afraid if teenage girls talk any faster than they do now, they’re heads will explode.
- I can’t wait til someone comes out with Decaf gum…oh wait, that’s all the other gum in the world.
*****
Sylvester Stallone is working on a Broadway musical version of his movie Rocky.
- In the stage version, instead of running towards the ring, Rocky’s girlfriend Adrian tap-dances thru the crowd while he sings “Hit Me With Your Best Shot”.
- They were gonna turn “Rambo” into a musical, but it was too hard for actors to sing and dance while holding AK-47’s.
*****
A new study shows that gardening can actually burn calories and keep you fit.
- So apparently Kirstie Alley wasn’t born with a green thumb.
*****
During a speech about rebuilding after Hurricane Sandy yesterday, NJ Gov. Christie told parents to cover their kids ears, then shouted “Bu——it” into the microphone.
- Let’s face it, everything that comes out of politicians’ mouths is “Bu——it”!
*****
White rapper Vanilla Ice is in a reality show where he joins an Amish community.
- The Amish Elders are upset saying network execs are putting the horse before the cart.
- On the show, he’s known as Jedadiah Vanilla Iceth.
- What’s next? The Real Housewives of Appalachia?
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with an ALL NEW Podcast (#78)! And due to semi-popular demand, Tom Ryan is back with stories about his recent and memorable trip to Disney World!
-Dick