Due to a counting error, it turns out Benny Napoleon actually beat write-in candidate Mike Duggan in the Detroit Mayoral primary.
- If they can’t count ballots, no wonder the City of Detroit can’t count dollars!
*****
President Obama’s healthcare plan is going to have a surcharge for smokers to discourage smoking.
- Meanwhile, the country wants to charge the Government a surcharge for whatever it was they were smoking when they came up with “Obamacare”.
- There will also be an added charge for people who refuse to eat an apple a day in order to keep the doctor away.
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New research found that people who have sex at least 4 times a week make significantly more money than those who don’t.
- Well sure…they’re called “Hookers”!
- Men who take Viagra reported a definite rise…in their income.
- Wow. Who woulda thunk a nerd like Bill Gates would be getting lucky so often?
*****
There are now 16 women alleging sexual harrassment against San Diego Mayor Bob Filner.
- Hizzonner must have more money than we thought.
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A group of illegal immigrants from Mexico is protesting at a Chicago hospital, demanding free organ transplants.
- You gotta be kidney-me!
- News of the protest spread by word of mouth…They all called each other on their free Obamaphones.
*****
Lindsay Lohan said she hopes to move on from her troubled past and get back to work.
- Let’s be honest, at this point does anyone actually remember what work Lindsay used to do that she wants to get back to?
*****
Randy Jackson of the Jacksons blasted angry tweets at his family members for putting Michael’s daughter Paris in a psych ward, saying that she sems perfectly normal to him.
- Then again in that family, collecting dead people’s bones, having interchangable noses, and building a roller coaster in your backyard are all considered “normal”.
*****
Dick Van Dyke escaped death when his car exploded on an L.A. freeway and he was pulled to safety.
- Dick was tripping all over himself thanking the guy for saving him.
- Mary Tyler Moore immediately sent him a tweet reading “Oh Rob!”
*****
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick