NASA wants to put astronauts into a deep sleep to save money on the 180-day trip to Mars.
- They'll either inject them with anesthetic or play a continuous loop tape of "Anchorman 2". (Sorry if you thought it was funny...I thought it was beyond bad!)
*****
Despite the dramatic increase in cases of Ebola, the White House announced that the President is not considering a travel ban to/from West Africa.
- So you can put that trip to Liberia that you've been wanting to take - back on your bucket list...and then kick the bucket!
*****
The Supreme Court cleared the way for an expansion of same sex marriage in five more states: Indiana, Utah, Virginia, Wisconsin and Oklahoma.
- So if a Lesbian in any one of those five states gets her girlfriend pregnant, she can now make an honest woman out of her! No, wait...
*****
Demi Moore has offered to help ex-husband Ashton Kutcher and his fiancé Mila Kunis with their new baby girl, Wyatt.
- It makes sense...she's kind of like the kid's Grandmother.
- Luckily Demi saved all the toys she bought for Ashton when they were dating!
*****
Bruce Jenner showed up at an Elton John concert the other night with an even more flowing hair-do and white earrings.
- Elton and Bruce have a lot in common...although Elton's a lot more manly.
- Bruce's favorite song used to be "Rocketman"... now it's "The Bitch Is Back".
*****
FBI agents arrested a Chicago teen at O'Hare Airport who was leaving to join ISIS.
- Remember the good old days when rebellious teens just sneaked behind the school to smoke a cigarette???
*****
FBI Director James Comey says there are two kinds of American companies: those who've been hacked by the Chinese, and those that don't know they've been hacked by the Chinese.
- To find out which company you work for, check the FBI's handy chart labeled, "Column A and Column B".
*****
Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick