The results of yesterday's Primary Election are in...and among the most interesting outcomes, Robert Ficano lost his re-election bid for Wayne County Executive, and both Hazel Park & Oak Park voted to legalize small amounts of marijuana for personal use.  

- So the expression "What do I have to do to get arrested with this joint?" will no longer be spoken there. 

*****

The production of Porn movies in LA has plummeted 90% because laws forcing the "actors" to wear condoms is pushing filming outside the city limits. 

- Porn stars are sort of like cops...they want to "Serve", they just don't want to "Protect". 

- As a humanitarian gesture, Charlie Sheen is building them a studio in San Francisco. 

*****

Bruce Jenner's new hairstyle is causing quite a stir on the internet. He was recently photographed with shoulder length locks with a reddish tint.  

- Bruce says the new style will allow him to go with a sleek up-do at Kim's next wedding. 

- Insiders say his ultimate dream is to become "Mrs. Chaz Bono". 

*****

NBC may face stiff fines from the FCC after airing Miley Cyrus's "Bangerz" concert. Viewers complained about the stripper-like costumes and Miley pressing up against a guy dressed like Abraham Lincoln.  

- Asked to comment, Bill Clinton said "The President did not have sex with that woman...Miss Cyrus". 

*****

A study from Current Biology found that horses talk with their ears. 

- Baloney. Everyone who's ever seen "Mr. Ed" knows that horses talk out of their Mouths just like the rest of us.

*****

An Oxford University study found that children who play computer games for an hour a day are more likely to be better behaved...

- ...That's during the hour their playing. Then, when their parents take the controller away, they turn into a combination of Mike Tyson and Rosie O'Donnell on steroids. 

*****

Convicted boyfriend-killer Jodi Arias will serve as her own lawyer in the Death Penalty phase of her trial. 

- She has no experience as an attorney but says she's "willing to take a stab at it". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick