According to a new study, 1 in 50 fathers in England are unknowingly raising another man's child.

- Two words: Prince Harry. 

*****

Donald Trump says that his kids, Eric and Ivanka can't vote in the New York primary because they didn't register with a political party. 

- So he has demanded that they appear on "The Apprentice" where he will immediately fire them.  

*****

The Donald's ex-wife, Marla Maples, was eliminated from "Dancing With The Stars" on Monday night. 

- Thus ending her campaign to "Make The Tango Great Again". 

- Next up for Marla: She'll appear on a local Florida TV show called "Dancing With Little Marco". 

*****

Kim Jong Un and the North Korean government have published a fake letter from Abraham Lincoln to President Obama in which Honest Abe criticizes Obama's policies against North Korean Nukes. 

- Dennis Rodman says President Lincoln has already agreed to join him on his next trip to visit his BFF...KJU! 

*****

CIA Director John Brennan says the agency will not bring back waterboarding even if the next President wants it. 

- Instead they'll make suspected terrorists watch re-runs of my fellow Kenmore High School Graduate Wolf Blitzer until they're bored enough to give up the info. 

*****

Pamela Anderson wrote a letter to California Governor Jerry Brown asking him to make all the state prisons stop serving meat. 

- So look for prisoners to be out in the yard trading cigarettes for meatloaf. 

- If you thought heroin was bad, burgers could be the new "gateway meat" to steak.

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick