A 17-year-old Chinese Crested Chihuahua won the World's Ugliest Dog contest. 

- Owners of other ugly dogs were disappointed...but hey, Shitzu happens. 

*****

A man named Ronald McDonald was robbed outside a Sonic restaurant in North Carolina.

- The robbers made off with McDonald's watch, wallet, two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions... after shooting him in his sesame seed buns. 

*****

In a a new book, a former Secret Service Agent who worked for Bill and Hillary during the Clinton Administration claims Hillary is a "habitual liar" who terrified the White House staff by screaming at everyone. 

- Bill immediately responded saying, "That's my sweetheart!"

*****

Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg, who has lashed out about Donald Trump's "Wall" idea, is building a 10 foot tall wall around his vacation home in Hawaii to keep out intruders. 

- But in his defense, he didn't ask Mexico to pay for it. 

*****

With just over a month to go before the Olympics, the Mayor of Rio de Janeiro says the Olympics could be a "major disaster" and that there isn't even money to finish the public transportation to "incomplete venues". 

- Apparently the only way to get around Rio is to hitch a ride on a Zika-infected mosquito...or as they call it: "Zuber".  

***** 

Meanwhile Police responsible for security at the Games say they haven't been paid in months and have no toilet paper at the local precincts. 

- You know things are bad when "Charmin" tops the Police's "Most Wanted List". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick