A new study out of Paris found that personality traits like being open or closed minded, and nice or nasty, might be the result of the shape of a person's brain. 

- They discovered the results by examining the brain of one "Abby Normal". (Courtesy of Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman aka Dr. Frank-en-steen and Igor)

*****

A woman in Texas is alive and well after a Tornado picked up the bathtub she was sheltering in, flew her through the air, and landed her safely in the woods. 

- No word yet on her husband, who had been in a matching bathtub waiting for his Cialis to kick in. 

*****

For the first time in History, the Dow Jones hit and topped 20,000 this morning. 

- Good news for most, but tough for their neighbors who are always trying to keep up with the Dow Joneses. 

*****

President Trump will sign an Executive Order today directing the Department of Homeland Security to begin building his famous Wall. 

- Right after signing, Trump will immediately call Tyler 8-7100 because Mr. Belvedere does good work! 

*****

While most of Hollywood and California voted for Hillary Clinton, it looks like The Scientologists went for Trump. 

- It's all part of Scientology's plan to "Make John Travolta Great Again".

*****

Social Media is abuzz with speculation that one of Trump's Secret Service Agents wore prosthetic arms during the First Couple's stroll down Penn. Ave. on Inauguration Day, so he could keep his real hand on the trigger of a gun. 

- The Secret Service got the idea from Bill Clinton who used the same technique when he was in the Oval Office. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Thursday! 

-Dick