Aretha Franklin announced that after a few live performances for her new album next fall, she'll be retiring from giving concerts. 

- She's had a brilliant career... and I say "Hat's off to her!" 

- Aretha's exact quote was "R-E-T-I-R-E-D... That is what I plan to be! Sock it to me...Sock it to Me... Sock it to me..."

*****

Kwame Kilpatrick's lawyer has filed a motion to have the Kwaminator's $1.6 Million restitution to the city of Detroit reduced or eliminated because it was based on faulty math. 

- If good math had been used, that number would be a lot higher. 

- This makes me nostalgic for a song we wrote and used to play on my radio show: "Super-Cali-Fraga-Kwame-Pay-Your-Restitution!"

*****

Disney announced that it's Star Wars theme parks are set to open in 2019.

- Which is great because it gives Trekkies a full two years to try and find a girl willing to go out in public with them. 

***** 

The latest sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey" hits theaters today. It's called "Fifty Shades Darker".

- It tells the story of George Hamilton's love affair with a Tanning Booth. 

*****

A new study found that the average employee spends two hours of their work day talking or reading about politics. 

- Researchers thought the workers were "informed" until they realized they spent those two hours on Facebook. 

*****

Wikipedia has barred the "Daily Mail" from being cited as a reliable source by it's volunteer editors because they claim it makes up stories.  

- Or as Kellyanne Conway called them, "alternative facts". 

*****

Judy Garland's ex-husband claims she was assaulted by several actors who played Munchkins in "The Wizard of Oz". 

- The Cowardly Lion reportedly knew about it, but didn't have the Courage to say anything. 

- If it's true, we now know where the line "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain" came from. 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Friday! 

-Dick