President Trump has vowed NOT to open a Vegas style hotel in Greenland if the U.S. purchases the island nation… but the Prime Minister of Denmark - which owns Greenland - says it’s not for sale.

- This is what’s known politically as the “NOT Green New Deal”.

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The Environmental Protection Agency is encouraging us to set our thermostats at 82 degrees before we go to bed at night to conserve energy.

- Here’s an idea… How about they go first??

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The hot rumor in showbiz is that Taylor Swift is on the verge of moving in with her British boyfriend.

- No word yet on whether they’ll break up before or after the moving truck shows up.

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Larry King has filed for divorce from his 7th wife Shawn after more than 20 years of marriage.

- Well, you know what they say… “8th Time’s the Charm”.

Insiders say Shawn was “blindsided” by the divorce.

- She’s 59 and he’s 85. She may have been blindsided, but Larry’s got the Cataracts. And HE’S the one who can’t drive at night.

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Tommy The Tortoise, the world’s oldest living pet, turned 121 at his home in Great Britain Tuesday.

- Tommy is actually a “She” but the owner didn’t know until she started laying eggs and went in for a Turtle Wax at the beginning of the bikini season.

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A Florida man was arrested for performing a “Botched Castration” surgery on a man he met on the Internet.

- He also performed a Vasectomy on the guy. Apparently it was a Package deal.

- Remember the good old days when the only thing you could lose on the Internet was your life savings to that guy who emailed you from Nigeria??

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Have a great day and I’ll see back here Thursday!

-Dick