There were tuxes and fancy dresses… flashing lights and long speeches last night. Congrats to Kwame Kilpatrick for planning a fantastic “Winter Formal” at the Milan Federal Prison!

Just kidding! I’m talking, of course, about the 92nd Annual Academy Awards.

Joaquin Phoenix who won Best Actor for “Joker” gave a rambling speech that talked about everything from “finding our humanity" to taking milk away from cows so we can put it on our cereal.

- Speaking of Fruit Loops…

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Even before his win, Joaquin persuaded producers to serve a completely vegan menu backstage during the show.

- It wasn’t a problem for the actresses since they don’t eat ANYTHING anyway.

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It took Brad Pitt about five seconds to complain that John Bolton wasn’t allowed to testify at the Impeachment trial after being awarded the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor.

- Call me sentimental, but I miss the good old days when Brad was cheating on Jennifer Aniston, adopting a zillion kids with Angelina Jolie, getting divorced AGAIN and going to rehab. Good times. Good times.

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Martin Scorsese - who was up for both a Best Picture and Best Director Oscar for “The Irishman” appeared to fall asleep during a surprise musical performance by Eminem.

- To be fair, Martin’s 77. To him, “Rap” is the cellophane he uses to keep the Nitroglycerin pills separate from the Lipitor in his tux pocket.

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All the political statements reminded me of the time back in 1973 when Marlon Brando sent a female American Indian up on stage to refuse his Best Actor Oscar for “The Godfather”.

- What was her name again? Oh yeah… Miss Elizabeth Sacheen Littlefeather Warren.

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A TSA agent was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport for tricking a female passenger into showing him her breasts twice during a screening.

- If he wanted to see breasts LEGALLY he could have just watched coverage of the Red Carpet.

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick