It’s National “What if Cats and Dogs Had Opposable Thumbs Day!” Imagine If they had them… They could Hold a Sandwich… Hitchhike… Suck their thumbs… Even Sit in a Corner, like Little Jack Horner with a Pie… Stick in their thumb, pull out a plum, and say “What a good Cat/Dog am I”

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Researchers say they can now use Artificial Intelligence to detect Mental Illness based on a person’s Social Media posts.

- I’m not judging here… but I’ve read a lot of Social Media posts and I think there’s a lot of ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE out there, as well.

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High Tech insiders say Apple plans to replace the iPhone with high-tech “Smart Contact Lenses” that will allow wearers to make calls, search the web and even play games all while looking at the world around you - without the need for a handheld device.

- So basically we’re going from an iPhone to an EyePhone.

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A woman in Maryland who became frustrated after the pipes in her toilet started making “banging” noises - pulled out the old plunger and was surprised to find that she had accidentally dropped in the toilet 10 years earlier.

- The only people happier about them finding the phone than the woman was the people she’d been Butt Dialing for the last decade.

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Madonna is busy auditioning actresses to play herself in an upcoming biopic that she’s producing about her life.

- Lead contenders at this point include: Florence Pugh, Emma Laird and Dennis Rodman.

- Interested actresses should send their headshots, resumes, and a list of any anti-biotic allergies to “Like A Virgin Productions”.

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In response to Putin’s invasion of Ukraine, the International Cat Federation has banned Russian Cats - and Russian Cat owners - from competing in competitions. (True)

- I know Cats can be stand-offish, but I don’t really think Russian Cats have a Dog in this fight.

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Queen Elizabeth recently held a Zoom call with the royal family.

- She even invited Harry and Meghan… but just to show whose boss, she kept them on Mute the whole time.

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Police in NYC say they’re seeing a dramatic spike in calls from people complaining about their neighbors having “Loud sex”.

- Hey… I thought Sinatra told us, “If You Can Make it There You Can Make it Anywhere”??

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick