Palace insiders say Harry and Meghan looked “Petulant and Rude” for skipping Prince Phillip’s Memorial Service this week and that they “Missed an opportunity” to “Build Bridges”, and ultimately further upset the Queen.

- So it’s true!!! London Bridge HAS fallen down. Fallen down. Fallen down. London Bridge HAS Fallen Down… My POOR Lady!!!

*****

The Hollywood Film Academy said that they asked Will Smith to leave the auditorium after he rushed the stage and slapped Chris Rock during Sunday night’s Oscars, but “He refused”… so they let him stay and gave him the “Best Actor” Oscar.

- Of course they did! That’s what I always did with my daughters. “You are not allowed to fight your sister! You’re going in a Time-Out”. They’d say, “No I’m Not!” And I’d say… “Oh…Okay!!!! … Here’s a new bike!”

*****

Jim Carrey called out the stars in the audience who gave Will Smith a standing ovation when he won his “Best Actor” statue less than an hour after slapping Chris Rock.

- Pretty smart for a guy who stared in “Dumb & Dumber”.

*****

Actress Zendaya revealed that she did her own makeup for the Oscars.

- She wasn’t the only one. Will Smith did the same thing. He slapped on some foundation too…. on Chris Rock.

*****

Scientists in Switzerland have developed plant-based steaks from pea protein that accurately imitates the marbling of real steak by making “streaks of white fat” out of an “oil in water emulsion”.

- My mouth is watering after hearing this! But I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m gonna throw up…

*****

A Florida man was arrested for drug possession after police found him trapped inside a Porta-Potty.

- I think he’s more than paid his debt to society. If anything screams “Cruel & Unusual Punishment” it’s an hour trapped inside a Porta Potty.

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Good news! New research found that eating two or more servings of Avocado a week can cut the risk of heart disease by 20%.

- So now we finally know the answer to the age old question “How are things in Guacamole?” - uh, “Glocamorra”!

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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday!

-Dick