President Biden's Alcohol Czar says Americans may be told by officials to have no more than two beers a week… following the guidelines adopted by Canada earlier this year.

- Wait… We have an Alcohol Czar?? Who is it? Hunter Biden?

- And I can’t believe Canadians agreed to only TWO BEERS PER WEEK. I don’t know who their “Alcohol Czar” IS but I can tell you who it ISN’T… Doug or Bob McKenzie!!! “Now take off, eh!!!”

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Scientists are working on a new Birth Control Pill for Grey Squirrels as a way to keep their populations down.

- Apparently it's too difficult for the Squirrels to put condoms on with thier tiny little paws.

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The Air Traffic Control System in the United Kingdom has been hit by a 'huge network failure' grounding thousands of flights for up to 12 hours.

- So the only person flying today is a teenage girl getting a piggy back ride around the grounds of Buckingham Palace from Prince Andrew.

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In response to skyrocketing car theft in Chicago, the cities new Mayor is suing Kia and Hyundai because they make it "too easy for their cars to be stolen".

- So it's not the THIEVES... it's the CAR???

- What's next? If you're shot and killed in Chicago... Will you be sued for making yourself too easy to be MURDERED???

- Wait til State Farm hears about this.

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And speaking of “Good Neighbors”…

OJ Simpson has announced his pick for Prez in 2024 and the winner is… Vivek Ramaswamy. Everybody's favorite non-convicted murderer says he thinks Ramaswamy is "on to something". As for Veep... OJ thinks Nikki Haley is perfect for the job.

- Not surprising, really. OJ's always been very a Pro-Woman kinda guy. 😳

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A recent survey finds that 4 in 10 gamblers have never actually set foot in a Casino.

- Of course not! That’s what Bookies are for!

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Get Well Soon… Best Wishes to Sir Elton John who is back home and on the mend after being taken to the hospital following a fall at his home in Nice, France. The Rocketman is 76 and “He’s Still Standing”!

RIP… Bob Barker… Legendary host of “Truth or Consequences” (1956-1975) and then “The Price is Right” for 35 years has died at the age of 99.

- Hard to believe Bob made it “so close to 100 “Without going over”.

Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Tuesday!

-Dick