On this day in 1948, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate against law school applicants because of race.
- This opened the door for Geoffrey Feiger who had been previously turned away for being a Vulcan.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Friday with a brand new Podcast!
-Dick
More bad news for Kwame… Yesterday, a federal judge in Mississippi dismissed his dishonor’s $25 million lawsuit agains Skytel for releasing the text messages that brought about his downfall. Included were the famous “sexts” he exchanged with then aide, Christine Beatty. The judge said K “didn’t follow the rules” when filing the suit.
- So if he wants the $25 mil I guess he’s going to have to go back to playing the lottery like the rest of us!
- That money really would have come in handy fighting the upcoming Federal charges.
Detroit-born Mitt Romney won the New Hampshire Primary yesterday with a solid 39% of the vote. Ron Paul came in second with 23%, followed by Jon Huntsman with 17%. However, a new Public Policy Polling survey shows that Paul and Huntsman will not fare as well in the next Primary in South Carolina, with Paul expected to get just 8% and Huntsman 4%. Huntsman told a cheering crowd that he considered coming in 3rd place “A Ticket To Ride”.
- Isn’t it more like a ticket on the “The Last Train To Clarksville”?
The same survey that shows Huntsman getting 4% of the South Carolina vote, showed that if late night comic Stephen Colbert ran, he would get 5% of the vote.
- And if Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien ran, they’d split the vote and the ads would make the attacks between Mitt and Newt look like a Hallmark card.
NEWS NOTE: Have you ever wondered why Mitt Romney goes by “Mitt”? Because his real first name is “Willard”!
- Of course as our beloved Doc “Mr. Michigan” Andrews would have said… he’s from our “Mitt-en shaped peninsula!”
Dutch police in Enter, Holland, are intestigating the disappearance of the world’s largest clog. It’s a wooden shoe 13 feet long that weighs nearly two tons. They assume it’s a joke, and they got a message saying it would be returned after this weekend’s Carnival, but they still say they will make the theives “answer in court” for their actions.
- Isn’t Ed Sullivan buried in a “really big” one of those?
- A boy and his girlfriend are suspected of stealing the shoe… In Holland this is known as “going dutch”.
- My wife just saw that shoe the other day at DSW! The Dutch Shoe Warehouse! (Badda-boom!)
Doctors in Leipzig, Germany, announced that a woman has given birth to healthy identical quadruplets without the help of artificial insemination. The odds of that are one in 13 million. The four identical sisters were named Laura, Sophie, Jasmin and Kim.
- Let’s hope their last name isn’t “Kardashian”.
- When People Magazine heard the story, they gave “Baby Kim” a million dollar advance for her wedding pictures.
Rumors are rampant that Hostess, the maker of cupcakes and Twinkies, is preparing for its second Chapter 11 Bankruptcy filing.
- A spokesman for the National Marijuana Industry, a Mr. Willie Nelson, said “this is a blow to our way of life” but hopes the company will continue making Ho-Ho’s and King-Bongs.
On this day in 1964, the U.S. Surgeon General announced that smoking may be hazardous to your health.
- No ifs, ands or Butts!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
The famously reliable North Korean state media are working overtime to provide “accurate” coverage of the transfer of power to 26-year-old Kim Jong-Un. 
So far, they’ve informed people that Un could drive at age 3 and drive with laser-like precision at 85 mph by age 8, and that he was so engrossed in studying military strategy at 16 that he only slept 3 hours a night and skipped meals. They say he is a “genius of geniuses” in military affairs, even though he has no military experience.
- Okay… they had me right up until the “skipped meals” part.
- Big whoop. All kids can drive at age three. It’s called a “Big Wheel”.
- He could actually drive a tank 85 mph at age 8. It had training wheels on it, but it was still a tank!
The death of Jong-Un’s father, Kim Jong Il, who reportedly shot 11 holes-in-one in his first golf game and never had to defecate in his whole life is still causing outpourings of grief. Believe it or not, a family of bears that would normally be hibernating now were spottted along a roadside, “crying woefully.”
- They added that Goldilocks was so distraught she couldn’t even attend the funeral!
- So the key to being #1 is never going #2!
- He never went to the bathroom his whole life? No wonder he was so meanspirited!
- Jung Il’s favorite song was “Brown Eyed Girl”.
- Unlike his father, Kim Jong-Un does “answer the call of nature” - so much so that some people call him, “Kim Jong-Dung”.
Primary Day in New Hampshire has finally arrived and in keeping with tradition, last night, the tiny town of Dixville Notch cast the first votes. Three Democratic ballots were cast for Obama, while among Republicans, Romney and Huntsman got two each; Gingrich and Paul got one apiece.
- Santorum and Perry supporters didn’t vote… they were sleeping off a night of drinking “Dixville Notch Scotch”!
- The people there are so old they all had hanging chads… and that was before they cast their ballots.
BTW… in New Hampshire it only costs $1000 to file as a candidate which makes it affordable for almost anyone to run. There are 44 names on the two partie’s presidential ballots including one GOP candidate who describes himself as a “natural, left-handed, peace-loving Pisces.” On the Democrat side, there’s a performance artist who goes by the name “Vermin Supreme” who promises to give everyone a free pony and covert America to a “Pony-based economy”.
- If everyone gets a pony, that means everyone gets a “shovel ready” job!
“Vermin Supreme” interrupted a Ron Paul appearance yesterday with a bullhorn and a rubber boot on his head and challenge Paul to settle the Presidential race with a round of “panty-wrestling”.
- Paul declined but Bill Clinton says he thinks it’s a great idea!
- “Vermin Supreme” sounds like something our friends Walter and Chlorine Figby used to serve at the “Roadkill Cafe”.
Sunday was the annual event known as No Pants Day, when train commuters are encourage to ride the rails in their underpants. Thanks to Facebook spreading the word, this year an estimated 16,000 riders went pantless on subways in Washington, Toronto, London, Mexico city, Madrid and over 50 other cities. Police stopped some participants, but an organizer insisted that the point was just to “have fun and entertain people”.
- A cartoon doucmentary about the event is in the works called, “Spongebob No Pants”.
- Anthony Weiner volunteered as “Official Cell-Phone Photographer”.
- There are so many germs on subway seats, most people don’t even like sitting on them with their pants on!
- “No Pants Day” was immediately followed by Chaz Bono’s “No Parts Day”!
The FDA has issued a recall of over-the-counter medications including Excedrin, Bufferin, No-Doz and Gas-X due to a factory mistake that might have mixed up the pills.
- So go ahead and eat that burrito! You might end up with gas, but at least you won’t have a headache!
- If only they’d mix in some Viagra, men could finally get it over-the-counter!
On this day in 1776, Thomas Paine published his influential pamphlet, “Common Sense”.
- Somebody should change the title to “Common Cents” and give a copy to each member of Congress!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Something amazing happened over the weekend in the NFL… unfortunately, it didn’t involve the Lions. The much-maligned Denver QB Tim Tebow threw about a 40 yard pass that turned into an 80 yard touchdown to give the Broncos a 29-23 win over the favored Pittsburg Steelers in the first eleven seconds of overtime. That’s the shortest overtime win in NFL history. Tebow and his diciples, uh, teammates… face Tom Brady and the New England Patriots next weekend.
As for the Lions… Congratulations on a much-improved season with the most potent passing combination in the NFL - Matthew Stafford to Calvin Johnson!
Not one but two Republican debates were held over the weekend in preparation for tomorrows GOP primary showdown in New Hampshire. During one of the debates, George Stephanopolous elicited boos from the crowd when he kept pressing Mitt Romney to say whether he thinks states have the constitutional right to ban contraceptives. Romney dismissed the question as “silly” and said he thought contraception was “working just fine”.
- We have family friends who are Mormon and they had 17 children, while Romney only has five. So I guess for him contraception is working just fine!
- Stephanopolous was fixated on the subject because he was Bill Clinton’s personal “Contraception Czar” for almost eight years. (And he did a bang up job!)
- So I guess Stephanopolous came up short as a moderator.
Singer Beyonce and her husband Rapper Jay-Z welcomed their first child over the weekend. Little “Blue Ivy Carter”. (It’s a girl, by the way).
The couple received tons of tweets from fellow celebs congratulating them, including one from Gwyneth Paltrow.
- She was thrilled they’ve gone with a “color scheme” for the kid’s name instead of the “fruit thing” she went with when she named her daughter “Apple”.
- They also got a tweet from Anthony Weiner… but it wasn’t a congratulations message, it was a picture of his own “pride and joy”.
But not everyone was happy about it. They reportedly paid $1 million to rent an entire floor at New York’s Lenox Hill Hospital. Neil Coulon of Brooklyn claims their “thuggish, headset wearing security guards” turned the maternity ward into a private VIP nightclub and booted him and his relatives out. He says he was even blocked from the neonatal ICU where his own wife was giving birth to premature twin girls.
- The floor was so exclusive, little Blue Ivy only got in by hiding inside Beyonce’s uterus.
A Wisconsin man is in jail - charged with carrying a concealed kife, possession of drug paraphernalia and pot, and a probation violation. 33-year-old Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop was arrested after residents complained about him. His previous name was Jeffrey Drew Wilschke, but he had it legally changed to Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybob-Bop-Bop last October.
- Just in time for him to get in deep Doo-Doo with the cops!
- I’m pretty sure I saw Beezow Doo-Doo Zopitty-Bop-Bop on the menu at a Thai restaurant recently.
- It kind of makes “Blue Ivy” sound like “Sally”.
- Now he’s thinking of shortening and simplifiying his name by changing it to just “Bob Bop-Bop”.
Parents in a small town in Georgia were outraged after students at an elementary school were given math questions based on slavery. For instance, “Each tree had 56 oranges. If 8 slaves pick them equally, then how many did each slave pick?” School officials apologized saying they were trying to incorporate history into math class.
- To show how sorry they were, the school promised not to fly the conferderate flag for a whole entire week!