Newsweek Magazine has caused quite a stir by putting President Obama on the cover with a rainbow halo - calling him America’s First Gay President.
- Next week they’ll run a picture of Michelle Obama playing the part of “a beard” with the caption: America’s 1st First Lady Married To A Gay Guy.
- Donald Trump immediately demanded to see Obama’s credit card receipt from a gay bar.
- Apparently Obama will bend over backward to get re-elected.
The CEO of Yahoo resigned after it was discovered that he didn’t have the degree he claimed to have.
- If lying on a Social Neworking site is cause for losing your job, everybody on Facebook should be in the unemployment line.
- Boy… if you can’t lie to your fake friends, who can you lie to?
- He has already formed a new company: eLieOnYourResume.com
Because of Japan’s declining birth rates, researchers say that the Japanese could be extinct in 1,000 years.
- Well where are we gonna get our TV sets from?
- Great… something else to keep me awake at night.
- Japan has now been renamed “The Land of the Raising Not Enough Sons”.
Whitney Houston’s family is getting their own reality TV show.
- They’re going through the usual stages of grief… shock, denial, & signing up for a big bucks TV gig.
- The first episode will be about the day Whitney died and will be titled: “Houstons… We Have a Problem”.
- Whitney’s aunt Dionne Warwick actually predicted that this would happen, but she charged the family $7.99 a minute to give up the info.
ABC is turning Nik Wallenda’s attempted tightrope walk over Niagara Falls into a prime-time TV event next month.
- It will either last two hours or about five minutes depending on how things go.
On this day in 1905 the city of Las Vegas was founded.
- Nobody knew about it for years because “What Happens In Vegas, Stays In Vegas!”
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
Hope you had great Mother’s Day and got some nice gifts.We received a nice gift at my house…the Cable went out…thusly i’m having computer issues and therefore we’re having to put up a simpler addition of today’s blog.
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The Barack Obama campaign website is already selling a line of of gay-themed merchandise including “My Two Moms like Obama” baby onsies, and “I’m Out for Obama” T-shirts.
- If they really want to encourage re-election, shouldn’t they put the message on “Two-sies” instead of “Onesies”?
- The Prez has taken it even further, suggesting a reality show called, “America’s Next Same Gay Top Chef”.
- Queston: How does one know if an infant is gay? Unless he’s a boy and shows no interest in “breast feeding”.
Twitter is still buzzing over a report that Mitt Romney held down another student in high school and cut his hair because he and his friends thought the guy was gay. Romney has apologized - but says he honestly doesn’t remember the event.
- Hey… this was in the Woodstock days. Nobody remembers anything from back then.
- At least it wasn’t John Edwards… he would have hired someone to hold the guy down, cut his hair, and then charge him 200 bucks.
- If only he’d done this to Donald Trump… he wouldn’t be considered a bully, he’d be a hero.
90-year-old Betty White has endorsed President Obama.
- I always thought she had something for Bea Arthur during “The Golden Girls”.
- Betty is very political… she once hosted a lavish dollar-a-plate fundraiser for Abraham Lincoln.
A White House advisor said that obesity may be the country’s biggest threat to national security.
- So we don’t need to worry about al Qaeda, we need to worry about “al Fatta”.
- Michael Moore was immediately put on the “No Fly” list.
TIME Magazine is getting a lot of attention over it’s latest cover featuring a breastfeeding mother.
- People wouldn’t care so much if the “baby” wasn’t 18-years-old.
- So basically TIME is the new National Geographic.
According to the Post Office, Mother’s Day is still the #1 day for greeting cards.
- Of course “Octomom” sort of throws off the curve.
- Father’s Day is a close second, but the illegitimate kids of NBA players don’t buy their dad’s cards because they don’t know where to send them.
NYC officials say that “butt dials” accounted for nearly 40 percent of the 911 calls received in 2010.
- Officials say this shows a crack in the system that needs to be fixed.
It’s a big weekend for me, my wife Gail, and the whole Purtan family as daughter Jill (#3 of 6) prepares to walk the last mile… um… I mean… down the aisle! She’s asked both Gail and me to give her away this time, since I did it alone last time, and it just didn’t take! Join us, along with the blushing Bride-to-Be and her sister Jackie, as we reveal the inside secrets of the impending nuptials. (Yes… I will be hitting the dance floor to lead the group in the tradional YMCA! - althought I haven’t made the final decision whether to go as the Cop or the Construction Worker…). Plus, we’ll tell you about the drama that ensued when Julie’s (that’s daughter #6) 4-month-old son, Brayden was chosen as the ring bearer (over the other 5 male cousins). It’s all here for your listening pleasure! (Except for the wedding night plans… there are just some things a Dad doesn’t want to know!)
Have a great weekend and Congratulations to Jill and Mark!
-Dick
P.S. Sunday is, of course, “Mother’s Day”, and in keeping with tradition, I’m posting a song I used to play in honor of all the Moms (and Dads) out there every year on the radio! Enjoy!
If It Wasn’t For Your Father Would Your Mother Be Your Mother?
After a lot of hemming and hawing, President Obama said yesterday that same sex marriage should be legal. Obama made the statement after being pressured by Joe Biden.
- The Gay community is thrilled… but this doesn’t mean they’ll vote the “straight” Democratic ticket.
- Critics say he only made the announcement to shore up the critical “hair dresser vote”.
- This marks the first and only time the President has taken advice from Joe Biden.
Wednesday, voters in John Edwards’ home state of North Carolina approved a ban on gay marriage.
- So it’s okay for a guy to marry his sister… just not his best friend.
- John Edwards applauded the move saying it’s about time people
stood up for the sanctity of marriage!
Investigators say that someone wearing al Qaeda’s new streamlined underwear bomb could have gone through airport security without being detected.
- This new underwear explodes while you’re wearing it, as opposed to “Spanx” which makes a woman explode when she takes it off.
Justin Bieber is now an official high school graduate.
- When he got his diploma, he threw his cap in the air and millions of teenage girls across America threw their training bras in the air.
- That diploma will really come in handy in case the whole music-thing doesn’t work out for him.
Opponents of U.S. Senate candidate Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts say there’s no record to back her claim that she’s Native American.
- A lot of people now have “Reservations” about voting for her.
- She calls questions about her heritage, “A lot of Sitting Bull!”
- Some say Warren is indeed a Native American but say she has a rather “loose” past. They call her a Nava-Ho.
The Miami house where the movie Deep Throat was filmed is going up for sale.
- Much like a car, the home is listed as “previously enjoyed”.
- Prospective buyers are lining up to find out what’s behind the Green Door.
- The house is a “Do-plex”.
On this day in 1924 J. Edgar Hoover was named Director of the FBI.
- Critics thought his acceptance speech was great, but thought the dress he wore showed a little too much cleavage.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow with a special “Purtan Family Wedding” Podcast, plus my traditional tribute to Mother’s Day in song: “If It Wasn’t For Your Father…”
-Dick
A new report projects that 42 percent of Americans will be obese by 2030.
- Of course the other 58% already are.
- Two people were excited by this news: Jenny Craig and Florine Mark.
A former John Edwards speechwriter testified that contrary to his denials, Edwards knew that a wealthy elderly female donor was providing money to cover up his pregnant mistress.
- And she should know… she’s the one who wrote the speech where he denied everything.
- Edwards called his speechwriters testimony “false”, saying she was always trying to put words into his mouth.
- So the old lady was the money donor… and John was the sperm donor.
Rick Santorum finally endorsed Mitt Romney, but it was a lukewarm endorsement sent out to his supporters via a late-night e-mail.
- But to add a little extra oomph, he also hit the “like” button on Romney’s Facebook page.
- As a “thank you”, Mitt has agreed to appear at one campaign appearance wearing a really expensive designer sweater vest.
- I’ve gotten more heartfelt e-mails from guys in Nigeria asking me for money.
The first health resort for stressed out toddlers has opened in Germany.
- It’s called “Mein Camp”.
- Trainers at the resort try to calm the kids by reading them books like “Mother Goose-Step”.
The “Hot Dog Hooker” is back on the streets. After serving a week in jail, a female NYC Hot Dog Cart Vendor who was arrested for selling sexual favors to customers is back at work today.
- Men in the area began lining up for lunch at 5 this morning.
- After a week off work, she says she has “a lot to ketchup on”.
- Her services are popular with everyone but gay men who say they prefer “Nathan’s Hot Dogs”.