A British museum has unearthed a one hundred year old report on the sex lives of Penquins that was so shocking it was hidden from the public. The penquins were said to be promiscuous, had sex with young chicks and engaged in gay sex.
- If you think the report on Penguins was shocking, you should see the one on rabbits.
66-year-old Cher and her 86-year-old mother visited the White House and got a lot of media attention about how young they both look.
- Obama told Cher that her daughter Chasity’s surgery to become a man, (Chaz) was “Change You Can Believe In!”
- Afterwards, they headed over to Congress to visit the “Gypsy’s, Tramps & Thieves”.
On this day in 1792 George Vancouver discovered Vancouver, BC.
- What are the chances of discovering a place that’s already named after you?
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
A Colorado man is suing Arby’s, claiming his genitals were scalded when hot steam suddenly shot out of their urinal.
- The story was released to the press by “Willie-Leaks”.
- The damage was so extensive, he ended up with a “Roast Beef Jr.”
- I sure hope that’s not the way they make their “Curly Fries”.
Last Friday, President Obama declared that “The private sector is doing fine”.
- Tell that to the guy at Arby’s…
- The only people surprised by the remark were those who work in the private sector.
California Governor Jerry Brown proposed saving the state money by cutting high school science class requirements from two years to one.
- He figures it’s doesn’t take two whole years to learn how to grow your own pot.
- I sure hope they don’t cut out the “dissecting a frog part”… that comes in so handy later in life!
- Why not cut economics classes so the kids won’t realize just how bad off their going to be financially.
A Colombia University study found that when people are sleepy, they are more likely to choose sugary junk food over healthy food.
- Obviously Michael Moore is an insomniac.
A new survey says that the Great Wall of China is twice as long as we’d been told.
- It took two thousand years to figure this out?
- The “survey” was done by a Chinese guy by the name of “Wang” who was trying to impress his girlfriend.
- It will now be referred to as the “REALLY Great Wall of China”.
This is the day Hawaii honors King Kamehameha.
- He’s the guy who suggested that everyone who visits Hawaii would get a free lei!
Have a great day, I’ll see you back here Tuesday, and don’t forget to check out my latest Podcast (#46). I call it “A Purtan Family Affair” and it’s up, along with a family picture, right now on the DickPurtan.com homepage!
-Dick
The latest installment of my Podcast is kinda like a clown car… more and more people just keep pilin’ out! In this edition, Jackie and I are joined by my newly married daugher Jill, new-mommy daughter Julie, her newly born son Brayden, and some other family members who apparently “just happened to be in the neighborhood” while we were recording. We talk about everything from Kanye West’s pricey new sneakers to the fact that scientists have proven that there really is an “Old Person’s Smell”. (Four-month old Brayden also demonstrated to us that they’re can be a “Really Young Person’s Smell” too). Plus… we hop on the “Rolling Stone” bandwagon and give our own picks for the “Worst Song Of All Time.” Grab a GPS locator… cuz we’re all over the map on this one! Have a great weekend and I’ll see you back here with my blog on Monday morning!
-Dick
Octomom Nadya Suleman called off her debut as a stripper because she says the other “dancers” at the Florida club were saying nasty things about her behind her back.
- The comments weren’t nearly as bad as what the strip club patrons would have said about her front!
- Nobody would have hired her for a lap dance anyway… they’d be afraid a kid would fall out.
The US has terminated $2 million in funding to create a Pakistani version of “Sesame Street” after getting reports that the puppet theater producing the show was guilty of corruption.
- They were also planning on executing Bert and Ernie for being gay.
- Miss Piggy was banned from the show because she’s made out of Pork.
Rush Limbaugh has come under fire for calling the President the “Celebrity of The United States” and referring to him as “Barack Hussein Kardashian”.
- Donald Trump is demanding to see Obama’s birth certificate to see if he really is a Kardashian!
A troop of little people actors are planning a “midget march” on Universal Studios, to protest the use of normal-sized actors, shrunk with CGI as the dwarves in Snow White and the Huntsman.
- They’re hoping for a million marchers, but will probably come up short.
- Tom Cruise actually played one of the dwarves but they didn’t have to shrink him.
Newsmax calculated that it costs taxpayers $1 million a year to fly Joe Biden to and from his weekly golf games on Air Force Two.
- Where does Biden play golf? In Saudi Arabia? (Probably not… too many sandtraps.)
- Obama says it’s worth it to get him out of the office.
- You can only imagine how much taxpayers spent flying President Clinton around the country to play with his putter!
On this day in 1983 Jerry Lee Lewis married his 5th wife.
- I think that’s a misprint… It was actually his 4th wife but she was only 5 years old.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here with a brand new Podcast Friday!
-Dick
Today, June 6th, marks the 68th Anniversary of the D-Day Invasion… one of the greatest Military battles in history and the beginning of the end for Hitler.
Today is “Drive-In Movie Day”.
- The celebration originally scheduled for this afternoon has been moved to after sundown tonight.
President Obama has become the first politician in history to raise $1 Billion dollars.
- His campaign is being funded mainly from the friendly folks at Bain Capital.
Researchers in Tokyo have developed “diet” goggles that make food appear larger than it actually is.
- They’re hoping small-chested women will buy these for men to wear on first dates.
- If men accidentally wear their “beer” goggles, at least it will make the food look more attractive.