Legendary crooner Andy Williams has died at the age of 84 after a long battle with Cancer. He will always be remembered for his signature song “Moon River”. So long our Huckleberry Friend!
Two new studies show that over 50% of high school students who took a college entrance exam did not have the skills they need to succeed in college or a career.
- Lucky for them, given the current economy there are no “careers” to be had.
- Apparently their scores on the SAT’s were terrible, but they scored remarkably high on the STD test.
Two replacement Refs in the NFL Green Bay/Seattle debacle had previously been fired for “incompetence” by the LFL (Lingerie Football League).
- In addition to the bad call, fans were upset that the Refs claimed the Quarterback “threw like a girl”.
Scientists in Korea studied Eunichs and believe that the secret to a long life for men is castration.
- No wonder so many schools today are going with a “nut-free” environment.
- So apparently Lorena Bobbitt just wanted to make sure that her husband John lived a long and full life.
O.J. Simpson’s houseguest Kato Kaelin retracted his statement that O.J killed his wife and her friend Ron Goldman.
- Sounds like somebody is vying for a week at O.J.’s vacation home.
- Of course it may have something to do with the fact that O.J. is up for parole in a couple of years.
On this day in 1964 “Gilligan’s Island” debuted on CBS.
It would have debuted sooner if only the cast hadn’t gone on a three hour tour… a three hour tour.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Thursday!
-Dick
After just one day of testimony in his Federal Corruption trial, witnesses told Kwame Kilpatrick’s jury that his ex-honor kept hoards of cash hidden in everything from a shoe to a vacuum cleaner.
- The vacuum cleaner makes sense since he cleaned out Detroit’s bank account.
- Ironically, the money Kwame claims he said he made “working” 
was found hidden in a loafer.
Time Magazine reports that the chemicals used in the McRib sandwich are the same used to make yoga mats.
- So when you see a guy doubled over after eating a McRib it’s acually a new yoga position.
- Next will find out the chemicals used in McNuggets are the same ones used to make Jockey underwear.
According to a new survey by the online dating site Chemistry.com, men prefer women to write less about their personalities and include more photos that show their bodies.
- The findings were published in the Medical Journal “Duh”!
- It’s a good thing Kate Middleton is married… If she wasn’t she’d probably cause the Chemistry.com site to crash.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming clean with a tell-all book about his affair and love-child with the family maid. Ah-nold says he “compartmentalized” the whole thing and hopes that he and his ex-wife Maria Shriver can still reconcile.
- He’s also in the market for a new maid who “does windows…and the guy who owns the house”.
A firing range in Georgia got permission from the city council to serve booze.
- This is the same town that has the bar that came up with the original idea for “a shot and a beer”.
Facebook stock plunged over 9% Monday to just $20.79 a share on fears that a security bug was causing people’s private messages to appear on their public walls.
- If it happened to me, the only thing I’d be embarrassed about would be people knowing that I bought facebook at $38 a share.
The Ig Nobel Prizes for the most dubious scientific achievements were given out last week. The Anatomy prize went to scientists who discovered that chimps can recognize each other by looking at photos of their companions’ rear ends.
- It also works for the Kardashian sisters.
- That’s how they got the plot for TV’s “The Man Show”.
On this day in 1513 Spanish explorer Vasco Nunez de Balboa discovered the Pacific Ocean.
- It had probably been there a long time, but apparently nobody noticed it.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
-The Kwame Kilpatrick trial gets underway today as the first witness for the prosecution takes the stand… Let the games begin!
Mahmoud Ahmadinejhad is in New York City to deliver a speech to the UN.
- Since Lindsay Lohan is also in the city, the U.S. government plans to have Lindsay meet him for a drink…and get him bombed.
- She’ll also try to “drink him pretty”.
At Sunday night’s Emmy Awards, “Modern Family” won Best Comedy for the 3rd year in a row. Eric Stonestreet, the actor who plays the fat gay neighbor on the show is reportedly dating Charlize Theron.
- If that’s true, there’s hope for every man alive!
Today is National Punctuation Day,
A woman in England quit her job as a waitress to earn $1000 a day working as a Kate Middleton look alike.
- She doesn’t really look like Kate… at least her face doesn’t.
- That comes out to $500 per boob. Usually two boobs can only make that much money a day by becoming a morning radio team.
Iran is creating its own Internet.
- They’re also creating a social networking site for women called “You-Better-Cover-Your-Facebook”.
- In the Iranian version, instead of “Farmville” everyone is forced to play “Nukeville”.