Happy Day-After-Thanksgiving! With food on everybody’s mind…and belly… I thought I’d put up two “Best Of” cuts today that revolve around the subject of “food” (sort of) in the form of two great jokes that Soupy Sales told on my radio show.
Have a great “Black Friday” and enjoy the rest of your Holiday weekend!
-Dick
Mock Turtle Soupy & Sandwich (“Best of Purtan - Vol. 6 - 1:15)
Soupy Sales & Fun at the Bakery (“Best of Purtan - Vol. 6 - :51)
Happy Thanksgiving! It was a tradition for many years on my radio show to play Victor Buono’s original recording of his own “Fat Man’s Prayer” on Turkey Day… and in answer to some requests I received this week, here is that original version!
After two men came forward claiming they were the victims of an underage sexual relationship with actor Kevin Clash, the voice of Elmo, Clash resigned from Sesame Street.
- His first words were, “Can you tell me how to get…how to get to the Red Light District?”
- Elmo was so embarrassed he turned bright red!
*****
The cost of Thanksgiving dinner is going up again this year.
- Apparently it’s the additional cost of purchasing pies and cakes, instead of having the usual Twinkies for dessert.
- There may not be any Twinkies, but since the relatives are coming over, at least there will be a lot of Ding Dongs.
*****
Costco is selling complete “Turkey Dinners In A Box” for $79.95. Costco says “It is made up of free samples offered in the store over the last year.”
- I don’t know about you, but the way they describe that, it sounds pretty disgusting to me.
*****
If you are flying over the Holiday, keep in mind that this year the TSA is Going to scan all pies and cakes.
- Fruitcakes will be confiscated as “Bombs”.
- In today’s world, it’s “Over the Hill and Through the Scanner to Grandmother’s House We Go!”
*****
A new study has shown that having a little brother can raise your blood pressure.
- The study was funded by the Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.
*****
On this day in 1942 Tweety Bird, aka Tweety Pie debuted.
- Tweety Pie’s sister, Twinkee Pie got into a labor dispute and retired.
*****
Have a great “Day before the Big Day” and I’ll see you back here with a special Thanksgiving Day treat tomorrow!
-Dick
Frito Lay is working on a line of Cracker Jacks infused with caffeine.
- We used to look forward to the surprise toy in the box…now the suprise will be a jolt of caffeine.
Hostess is negociating with union workers in an eleventh hour attempt to save the company.
- Meanwhile snack cake lovers have organzied a “Million Ding Dong March” in Washington… no wait, that’s just Congress on their way into work.
- The Hostess Company is trying to encourage Union members to go back to work by sending them notes, “Patty cake, patty cake, baker’s man. Bake me a Twinkie as fast as you can!”
As a back-up, Hostess is meeting with a baking company in Mexico to see if they will produce Twinkies.
- So look for the new Salsa-filled Twinkie at a grocery store near you!
General Petraeus is reportedly seeing a therapist for sex addiction.
- You can read all about it in his upcoming biography “All In- Favor Of Having Sex With Me Raise Your Hand!”
A Taliban spokesperson sent out an email and by mistake cc’d his mailing list, exposing 400 people.
- 72 of the emails went to Virgins he was conversing with on eSuicideBomber.com.
Reviews for Lindsay Lohan’s TV Movie “Liz and Dick” have been brutal, with some critics saying the movie is unintentionally hilarious. They do say Lindsay steals the movie…
- …along with some costumes and a lot of jewelry.
On this day in 1923 Garrett Morgan patented the traffic signal at a four way intersection.
- It worked better the next year when he added lights to the two other sides.
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday!
-Dick
With the demise of the Hostess company, single boxes of Twinkies are selling on eBay for hundreds of dollars.
- HoHo’s are selling for a lot less on Eight Mile.
- Without Twinkies, our family is going with Pumpkin Pie this Thanksgiving.
- Fortunately, Pop-Tarts have survived!
Triple A reports that 40 million Americans will drive at least 50 miles to attend Thanksgiving dinner this year.
- Anything to get away from the family.
- You’ll end up driving about 400 miles if you get directions from MapQuest or the new iPhone 5.
- Lance Armstrong will ride his bike 50 miles just to get the doping effect of the Turkey’s triptophan.
Senator Diane Feinstein said she can’t help thinking that David Petraeus lost control because he quit being a General and took off his medals.
- Could also be because he took off his pants.
- Under Feinstein’s theory, women are attracted to a man in uniform and men out of uniform are attracted to women.
Justin Bieber was the big winner at last night’s American Music Awards taking home three trophies, including one for “Artist of the Year”. Since his recent break-up with Selena Gomez, he brought his mom as his date.
- Which worked out great because it coincided with his school’s Mommy-Son Dinner Dance.
Kim Kardashian has sent out of tweet of her butt.
- She said it was a mistake… She meant to use that picture on the front of her Christmas cards.
- So Linsday Lohan isn’t the only “celebrity” who likes to rear-end people.
- It’s all part of Kim’s plan to launch a new social network, “Buttbook”.
The US Olympic women’s gymnastic team visited President Obama at the White House Saturday.
- They were there to teach him some new “positions” to take on Libya.
A new study says that teens with Smartphones are 1.5 times more likely to be sexually active.
- With one hand.
- And the ones who use protectection tend to carry “Really Smartphones”.
On this day in 1863 President Abraham Lincoln delivered the Gettysberg Address.
Btw… Saw “Lincoln” (Steven Spielberg’s new movie) over the weekend. Fabulous! Daniel-Day Lewis was terrific!
Have a great day and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!
-Dick
Sonny Eliot (with Ernie Harwell seated, on the right), when the 3 of us were among those honored at the Detroit Historical Museum.Sonny Eliot passed away this morning, he was 91. Sonny was much more than a funny TV Weatherman. He was a man of many unique talents, and was even a World War II Hero. The B-24 bomber that he was piloting over Germany was shot down and he was captured and spent 14 months in the Stalag 1 POW Camp, all the while hiding his Jewish heritage from the Nazis.
There were countless dinners and appearances that Sonny and I both attended where I would tell everyone the story of how he’d been shot down. Only I would change the year to 1975 and say it happened while Sonny was on vacation.
When I first came to Detroit in the mid-60’s to work at WKNR - Keener 13 - Sonny invited me and Howie Young, a player with the Red Wings, to lunch downtown at the Lindell AC followed by a matinee at the Empress Burlesque. We sat in the front row for an afternoon of comedians and girls with tassles. The “featured entertainer” seemed to direct her entire “act” to Howie, who was a very good looking guy. The male comedians played to Sonny and me. Go figure.
Sonny and I were together a number of times over the years…but for some reason, that memory is the one that really sticks with me.
The two Grand Old Men of Detroit Media are gone now (and yes…that’s Ernie Harwell sitting in the front row behind Sonny in the photo). There’ll never be any others like them.
We recorded my latest Podcast (#64) on Thursday evening, before Sonny passed away. Obviously, that is why he’s not mentioned! But Jackie and I do talk about just about everything else under the Sun… From the bizarre twists and turns of the Petraeus Sex Scandal (which could very well lead to a new soap opera “Generals’ Hospital”) to People Magazine’s pick for the Sexiest Man Alive for 2012 (surprisingly NOT General Petraeus).
And with the military front and center this week, I take the opportunity to share my personal stories of the eight years I spent on Active Duty and in the Army Reserve.
We also touch on the demise of the Twinkie, Donald Trump (which strikes me as repetitive), and the tragic break-up of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. Plus… get ready to hit your “Like” button! Pope Benedict has announced that he’s launching a private Facebook page. (The only problem is, his profile picture is going to cut off the top of his hat!) We’ve got the 411 on the Pontiff - and we debate a new study that says human beings are becoming “less smart”. (Two words: The Kardashians).
So put down your copy of General Petraeus’s biography “All In” and “Tune In” to Podcast #64.
Have a great weekend!
-Dick
Podcast Podcast #64: “”Generals” And “Privates” Gone Wild! (28:27)
Kudos to Tiger’s Pitcher Justin Verlander who came within one vote of winning his second straight Cy Young award. He lost out to the Ray’s David Price in what was the closest vote since Denny McClain tied for the award back in ‘68.