“I See London! I See France! I See THROUGH Your Underpants!”
Today is the biggest travel day of the year and outrage over the TSA’s “Nude Body Scan” or “Extreme Pat Down” policy threatens to cause even longer delays at airports. And now travelers have added a new complaint: TSA screeners don’t change their rubber gloves between searches.
- They wear rubber gloves? At least they’re practicing “safe groping”!
Meanwhile screeners claim they’re not thrilled about it either. One said, he’s not comfortable going to work, knowing his hands will be on another man’s genitals, inner thighs and butt, but still worse is having to feel between rolls of flab. He said a lot of airline passengers are obese “and have a problem understanding what personal hygiene is.”
- I sympathize with the TSA workers (they couldn’t pay me enough to take that job) …the next step will be that all passengers have to pass “the smell test”.
- If they think they’re going to have to deal with rolls of fat the day before Thanksgiving, just wait until the people are flying home!
- So far, they haven’t found any weapons in the flaps of flab, but they have confiscated several half-eaten sandwiches, 37 semi-melted Snickers Bars and a dozen cans of Pringles.
Here Comes The Son…
Experts on North Korea believe that dictator Kim Jon-Il launched a surprise artillery attack on a sparsely populated South Korean island because he’s handing over power to his son. They think he’s trying to work up patriotic emotions so North Koreans will embrace and rally around his son.
… Biff Jong Il
- Nothing says, “You’re gonna love my son!” like bombing innocent people in another country.
- This is great for the heir apparent who’s really been down since losing his two BFF’s… Uday and Qusay Hussein.
- This just in: South Korea has officially “un-friended” North Korea on Facebook!
Blame Canada!
Canada’s Industrial Minister Tony Clement was recently giving a speech and meant to say “We need more Canadian success stories.” Instead, he said, “We need more Canadian sex stories”, which was met with roaring laughter from the crowd. He later insisted that he had not been thinking of sex at the time, and that he didn’t know why he said that, adding that “The male brain is a very strange organ at times, isn’t it?”
- Well the Canadian’s did give us a picture of former Prime Minister Trudeau’s ex-wife Margaret wearing a skirt with no panties! (That’s SORT of a sex story…)
He Calls You “Pumpkin” For A Reason!
Looks aren’t everything… scent is also a big factor in sexual attraction. Researchers in Chicago had men age 18 to 64 smell 40 different aromas and measured the blood flow to you-know-where to see which ones sexually aroused them. The most arousing single stimulant? Pumpkin pie. The least arousing was cranberries, but one researcher said the good news is that “nothing turns a man off.”
- Well, D’uh!
- This could lead to some embarrassing moments during dessert time at the family Thanksgiving table.
- Guys if you want to eat Thanksgiving Dinner on time, don’t go near your wife while she’s cooking it!
- Hey! This this might give people something to do while the Lions are on…
- And you thought the Turkey was the only thing with a pop-up timer on Thanksgiving!
In Keeping With Tradition…
I thought I’d wrap up today’s post with something I used to play on the air each Thanksgiving Eve morning. It’s a poem, originally done by Victor Buono, but eloquently recited by the one “Purtan’s Person” uniquely qualified to do so. Just click below to hear, “The Fat Man’s Prayer”.
Enjoy! And from my family to you and yours… have a safe, happy and healthy Thanksgiving Weekend and I hope to see you in person at the Parade. (Or if not… as co-Grand Marshall, I’ll wave to you on television… they tell me around 10:40am!)
- Dick