Thanks to all of you (and there were a lot!) who entered our first-ever contest giveaway here on dickpurtan.com! From all the entries we received we have randomly selected five lucky people who, along with a guest, will be enjoying “Dinner and a Show” this Friday night at Andiamo Celebrity Showroom in Warren. The show, “Johnny Trudell & His Orchestra Salutes the Decades” will be hosted by yours truly! So without further ado… here we go!
Chuck Barnes
Jeff Ziegler
Mary Connell
Sal Cantanese
Sandra Pisching
You can pick-up your tickets at the Andiamo Box Office which opens at 6pm Friday night! (Photo ID required)
I look forward to seeing you there and also to our next contest! Due to the overwhelming response look for your next chance to win great prizes and other fun stuff right here!!!!!
And now… on with the news!
“Memoir Accomplished”
What was the worst moment of former George W. Bush’s presidency? According to his new memoir it was when Kanye West said he “didn’t care about black people” after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. Bush says criticizing how he did his job is one thing, but that it was “disgusting” to call him a racist. Asked for comment, a contrite Kanye said he now understands how Bush felt on a humanitarian level, because he was also accused of lacking compassion after he interrupted Taylor Swift’s MTV Video Awards Speech.
- Kanye went on to remind President Bush that Beyonce had one of the greatest videos of all time.
Can’t We Just Disagree to Disagree?
The day after Tuesday’s Democratic wipeout, President Obama and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid scoffed at suggestions that Americans had rejected their policies like Obamacare, and said it means Republicans now need to compromise with them. Top GOPer’s responded that no, it means Democrats need to change their policies and compromise with them.
- Meanwhile Kanye West reminded both sides that Beyonce had one of the greatest videos of all time.
- I haven’t seen this much spinning since I saw the Chinese Plate-Balancing Act on the Ed Sullivan Show.
Did She Vote? I Dunno… Alaska!
Bristol Palin, daughter of former VP candidate Sarah Palin admitted that she didn’t vote in Tuesday’s election because she was too busy rehearsing for Dancing With The Stars.
- And just like a lot of Democrats were, she’s gonna be voted out any day now.
So Politicians Really ARE Full of Hot Air!
At the 8th Sex culture Festival in China, an unidentified novelty company unveiled its new Barrack Obama inflatable sex doll. The doll comes in a dark blue suit and red tie with Obama’s face silkscreened onto the head.
- For an added fee, you can get an inflatable teleprompter so you can pretend the President is whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
- Next week, Oprah is giving the dolls away to everyone in her audience!
- It’s already sold more than the “Kim Jong Ill” and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad inflatable sex dolls combined!
- And to think I was happy with my Margaret Thatcher bobblehead!
This Outta Put ‘Em In The Mooooood!
The Ralph Martin family of Elmira Ontario are dairy farmers and they believe happier cows give more milk. They’ve just spent $1 million on a luxury barn that includes mattresses for each of their 90 cows, automated curtains to regulate the light, and automated backscratchers that turn on when a cow leans against them.
- I put the chances of this extra milk thing working out at 2%.
- If they install those coin-operated things on the mattresses the cows will produce cottage cheese!
- Am I the only one who finds this udderly ridiculous?
- They got the idea for the “cow on a mattress thing” when they spotted Big Al at a Select Comfort store looking for a new bed.
- Before they got the mattresses, the cows went to sleep the old fashioned way… they counted sheep. Literally!
I Love Paris In The Fall…
Monday in Paris, France a couple allegedly left their four-year-old and 15-month-old daughters alone on their apartment balcony. The toddler slipped off and fell seven stories. But a man who happened to be walking by saw her falling and ran towards her. The girl bounced off a café awning and landed safely in the man’s arms.
- When the doctor told the couple they had a “bouncing baby girl” he really meant it!
- Hey, the Lions could use this guy!
Today’s Almanac
On this day in 1922, King Tut’s tomb was discovered.
- Why did it take so long to find? Archeologists usually find these bodies in pyramids, but in this case, Mr. Tut lived in a Condo Made-a Stone-a!
Have a great day and we’ll see you right back here tomorrow!
- Dick