Those Aren’t Christmas Lights, It’s Your Dad!
Ukraine has announced stat starting in 2011 they will open the sealed zone around the Chernobyl nuclear power plant to tourists. The reactor exploded in 1986 and the evacuated area aound it is still considered dangerously radioactive. But a Ukraine spokeswoman said that official travel routes are being developed that will be both informative and medically safe.
- She’s the same woman offering swimming lessons in the Gulf of Mexico.
- I’d love to go… but I’m worried about all the radiation I’d get going through the airport body scanners!
“Waiter, There’s A Guy Next To My Soup”
Archeologists digging near the ancient Chinese capital of Xian have discovered what they believe to be a 2,400 year old pot of soup. It’s some liquid and bones that were sealed in a small, bronze vessel insides a tomb. They say it will help them undertand more about the eating habits of people from 475 to 220 B.C.
- 220 B.C. is of course when Campbells introduced their first canned soup… “Chicken With Femurs”.
- The label on the pot said “Chunky” – because of the bones.
- So apparently eating soup wasn’t exactly a cure-all for the guy who was buried with it.
- Also found with the soup… a petrified egg roll and a fortune cookie with the message, “You have a long, healthy life ahead of you”.
Are You A Lonely South Korean? There’s An App For That!
A South Korean developer has created the ultimate cell phone app for lonely iPhone users: “Honey, It’s Me!” Single guys who download it will start receiving messages from a fictional, virtual girlfriend named Mina. The phone allows her to make several calls a day to remind him to eat breakfast or say “Good night, sweet dreams”. The app even plays the sound of a woman sleeping on the pillow next to you. The app was briefly offered for free and 80,000 guys downloaded it in one day.
- So Mina is dating 80,000 guys at once? What a slut!
- Guys who download this app are now known as iLosers.
- This is going over way better than the “Married Mina” app which calls your phone 30 times a day to yell at you for not taking out the garbage.
- If you really want to have a relationship with this fake girl, don’t download it to your iPhone. Put it on your iTouch.
Alex Trebek goes PC… Literally!
In February, the game show “Jeopardy” will host a “man vs. machine” series. Two of the show’s past champions, Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter will play against “Watson”, a computer program developed by IBM. The winner gets a cool one mil.
- If one of the humans wins, he’ll use part of the cash to buy and download “Honey, It’s Me!”
- This isn’t the first time a game show has gone techno. Everyone knows Vanna White was replaced by a robot years ago.
- During a dry run of the game, the computer got really nervous and just froze up.
If He Taught Reading… It Would Be Braille!
58 year old Barry Morgan has been a driving instructor of 17 years, but his “unusual methods” have landed him in court. A 17 year old student told police that Morgan would turn up the heat in the car to try to get female students to take off their tops, and insisted on sqeezing “their wobbly bits” as punishment for driving errors. Other woman have confirmed the story and Morgan has been fired.
- If he ends up in jail, he’d better keep a close eye on his own “wobbly bits”.
- So this is why people in Britain drive on the other side of the road! They swerved over when trying to get away from Barry Morgan!
- His lawyer claims he was just “checking under the hood” for safety.
- What a dip stick!
Just Sitting Around, Twittering My Thumbs
Google’s has released it’s annual list of the top Internet searches of the year. So who and what was “Googled” the most? Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, iPad, and Twitter. The fastest-rising search of the year was “ChatRoulette”, a webcam site where people expose their private parts.
- Is it just me or do “Twitter & Google” sound like a new shock radio morning team?
- I can’t believe “Hiter’s Bunker” didn’t make the list. I googled it about a thousand times!
Today’s Almanac
On this day in 1911, Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen became the first man to reach the South Pole, beating Robert F. Scott’s expedition.
- Just moments later, Amundsen’s wife, who had come along on the journey, became the first “South Pole Dancer”.
Have a great day, watch for the ice on the roads and I’ll see you back here tomorrow!
- Dick