Read His Lips…
After holding out until the very last minute, President Obama caved to Senate Republicans Monday, agreeing to extend all the Bush tax cuts – even for high earners – for two more years. He also agreed to raise the exemption on estate taxes from $1 million to $5 million estates and to cut Social Security taxes by 2% to put more cash in workers paychecks.
- Of course first the feds will have to find the people who are actually bringing in a paycheck…
“Terrorist in Aisle Seven”
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano has stuck a deal with WalMart to show video announcements on the TV monitors in their checkout lanes urging Americans to rat out potential terrorists. The campaign has been dubbed, “If You See Something, Say Something” and will urge WalMart shoppers to keep their eyes peeled for any suspicious behavior and report it to the proper authorities.
- “If You See Something, Say Something”… wait a minute, I’m confused. I thought we were supposed to “not ask and not tell”!
- So if you see anybody in the WalMart Gun department buying a gun… call the cops!
- So now you can save money on Cheetos, Stretch Pants, and Toilet Paper and save the world at the same time!
- If you hear “Price check on Dynamite” over the loudspeaker, just run for your life!
Paying (for) the Bills
The Government decided to change the $100 bill to make it impossible for counterfeiters to print them. The problem is, the new design is so intricate, the government can’t print them either. The new multi-colored ink and an embedded 3D security ribbon caused 30% of the ONE BILLION bills printed to have flaws. It will take a year to fix the problem. BTW… the cost to taxpayers for the error? $120 million!!
- This is exactly why I always have my money printed at Kinkos!
- The last time we had a money printing crisis was when the Feds accidentally released millions of one dollar bills featuring Barbara Bush instead of George Washington.
Oprah Scares The Dickens Out Of Fans!
With Oprah winding down her final year in syndication, she’s pulling out all the stops. Yesterday, she revealed her final two picks for “Oprah’s Book Club” and surprised fans by picking two Charles Dickens classics straight off the high school required reading list. Oprah expects her fans to make it through “A Tale of Two Cities” and “Great Expectations” over Christmas and be ready to discuss them by January.
- And at 799 pages, I have “Great Expectations” that that’s not gonna happen.
- In Disc Jockey school we had to read “A Tale of Two Hit-ties”…
- Bill Clinton suggested “The Scarlett Letter” and “The Kama Sutra”.
- Lucky for me, I just finished Carrot Top’s autobiography, so I’m good to go!
Today’s Almanac
This is, of course Pearl Harbor Day. 69 years ago the Japanese nearly decimated the U.S. Naval fleet stationed at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii signaling the United States entry into WWII.
- On a happier note, seven years ago today, Rebekah Rhodes married her husband Wayne. Ironically, her wedding night involved a few sneak attacks as well.
Have a great day and I’ll see you right back here tomorrow!
- Dick