“Sesame Street” has introduced a new Muppet named Alex who has a parent in prison.
- The announcement was brought to you by the letters C-O-N-V-I-C & T.
- Miss Piggy is already demanding conjugal visits with Kermit.
- Bert and Ernie said they’re cool with it as long as they get to be cellmates.
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Russian President Vladimir Putin denied a claim by NE Patriots owner Robert Kraft that he stole Kraft’s 2005 Super Bowl ring. Putin says it was “a gift”.
- Sounds to me like Vlad just likes “Putin on the Glitz”.
- Hey, they’ve been stealing our military secrets for years…maybe Putin thought it was a secret-decoder ring.
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North Korea’s Kim Jong Un reportedly handed out a special present to guests at his own birthday party back in January…copies of Hitler’s infamous “Mein Kamph”.
- He’s also insists that everyone refer to his wife as Eva Braun Jong.
- He got copies of Mein Kamph at the “Our-Tanks-Will-Soon-Cross-Over-Your-Borders” bookstore.
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Insiders say Un has also been doing things to try to “build his charisma” like “yelling really loudly at people and throwing things at them”.
- Sounds like somebody needs a prescription for Prozac!
- One guy said Un even threw a missile at him…but it turns out that’s the only way they can get one in the air.
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CNN reports that female terrorists are being fitted with exploding breast implants.
- I’ve seen some dynamite cleavage in my day but c’mon!
- Why spend the money when they can just have the ladies take off their Spanx and blow away an entire city block?
- Of course the doctors who perform the surgery will be immediately killed for looking at a naked woman.
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A Delaware man has become well-known after he sued his doctor for a penis implant that gave him an 8 month erection.
- He would have sued sooner but he was too embarrassed to stand up in court.
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Have a great day and I’ll see you back here Wednesday! And don’t forget to check out my latest Podcast (#82) up now on the homepage!
-Dick