A bride and groom have come under fire after attaching their one month old daughter to the train of her mom's wedding dress.  

- Isn't the groom the one who's usually dragged down the aisle? 

- The Bride said she wanted to keep with tradition and wear "Something Old & Something Newborn". 

- I've heard of getting "dumped" at the Altar...but never by someone wearing Pampers. 

*****

Researchers at Howard Hughes University have located the gene that produces blonde hair in women. 

- They've named the gene "Clairol #57"

- I knew someone would get to the root of this eventually. (bada boom!)

*****

Google is spending $1 Billion on satellites that will bring internet service to the entire planet. 

- Don't believe me? Google it. 

- If you thought Santa and Mrs. Claus had the perfect marriage, just wait until the North Pole gets internet porn. 

*****

Fugitive Taliban boss, Mullah Omar, declared victory after exchanging one American POW for five high level Taliban detainees from GITMO.

- In fact he hung up a banner in Arabic that translated to: "Mission Accomplished!"

- Taliban leaders were so excited by the move they blew up thousands of balloons and suicide bombers. 

*****

Singer Chris Brown was released after 108 days in prison and vows to change his ways. 

- He figures if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. 

*****

Speaking of train wrecks...Police have located Miley Cyrus's $105,000 Maserati that was stolen from her home.

- Police say that, unlike Miley, the car is in perfect condition and barely has any miles on it.

- What kind of a Twerk steals a girl's car?

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday!

-Dick

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