Pope Francis celebrated his 81st Birthday by hosting a Pizza Party with children at the Vatican in Rome. 

- He had a coupon for Little Caesars.  

- Insiders say His Holiness ate six slices of Pope-e-roni and Cheese. 

*****

Meryl Streep is leading a team of actresses who will wear black at the Golden Globes to protest sexual harassment. 

- Some will accent their dresses with a #MeToo pin, while Meryl will just speak in 17 different accents. 

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Despite common belief, Scientists say that all of Santa's reindeer are FEMALE, not MALE, because Male reindeer shed their antlers before December.

- Santa disagreed, saying he could never find every house in the world in one night if he had to stop for directions all the time. 

- The study also noted that "Prancer" is gay. 

*****

Need a gift for the golfer in your life? A novelty company is offering a mini-putting green that fits around the toilet so the recipient can practice putting while... well, you get the idea. 

- But instead of yelling "FORE"... you yell "TWO"!

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Officials at the Centers for Disease Control were given a list of 7 words they're no longer allowed to use, including "diversity," "fetus," "transgender," "vulnerable," "entitlement," "science-based" and "evidence-based."

- George Carlin's sitting somewhere right now goin', "Are you KIDDING me???"

*****

Researchers in Japan claim there's a growing amount of sex between monkeys and deer in the wild. 

- Giving a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Not tonight Deer, I have a headache". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Tuesday! 

-Dick