Tonya Harding advanced to the "DWTS" finale last night saying "I've been knocked down and now I've been picked back up!"

- The same thing happened to Nancy Kerrigan... but she needed help with the getting "picked back up" part.  

*****

During a service this morning, Pope Francis admitted that he has thought about hanging up his hat and retiring.

- And that's gonna be ONE BIG HAT. 

*****

With the Nuptials just 4 days away, Meghan Markle's father announced that he won't walk her down the aisle because he had a heart attack last week. 

- He had the heart attack when somebody told him, as Father-of-the-Bride, he had to pay for the Royal Wedding.

*****

Bernie Sanders son Levi, a Democrat, says that Hillary Clinton hurt voters self-esteem, but President Trump has done "an incredible job" of making voters feel good about themselves. 

- Even Stormy Daniels admits that Trump made her feel "like the only Porn Star in the room!"

*****

The NYPD arrested a woman on Saturday after finding a stolen $30,000 Rolex in her panties. 

- This gives a whole new meaning to "Sexy Time". 

*****

A Reproductive Scientist from China says that thanks to new technology it will soon be commonplace for 60 year old women to have babies. 

- They already have them... they're called "Grandchildren". 

*****

Have a great day and I'll see you back here Wednesday! 

-Dick